Gentlemen...start your engines!

I've decided I'm willing to concede the fact that the UK shows are probably going to be exponentially better (if that's possible) than the North American leg. For a multitude of reasons. Really...we didn't have to wait or have a delay for when we saw them. It's my understanding our dates were pretty much when they should have been. But the UK they've waited since May (or so) not even to mention the fact that it's on home turf.

John has already stated he's a ball of nerves, personally I think he's a feisty, frisky ball of nerves going on his tweet response to poor Victoria (@boxfullohoney) who I'm certain fell out her chair at work. Gods know I would have!

But I mean really...Come on now. It's the home crowd!! It's no different than any other band. That is absolutely not to say that they didn't rip the roof off every joint they went to in North America, because judging by reviews and testaments by other Duranies they absolutely did. I know they certainly did in Toronto the night I had the privilege of seeing them. But it's a different vibe I'd wager playing on home turf, a completely different ball of wax.A little more nerve wracking, a little more exciting, and likely a different crowd and vibe. But then again I think it's always been that way really. How exciting for them though - for everyone. The UK guys have waited for months. I think it's all going to be just stellar. I'd love nothing more than to see them in the UK. I think that would be a thrill and a half! 

They don't have much longer to wait now, and judging by the fact that Simon was up at 1am this morning tweeting, he's about ready to set sail and fly too. One day more guys... so as they say here in North America...

GENTLEMEN....START YOUR ENGINES!!!

You're in for one HELL of a ride...again.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

The past comes back to haunt...and is put to rest (somewhat)

I don't know why, but I haven't been able to let go of wanting to see "the house" (prison) I was trapped for 2 summers of my youth growing up in Toronto at my Aunt's. I don't truthfully know why I want to revisit that point in my youth. Perhaps for some sort of closure. Perhaps to let the house know in some way that it didn't beat me and win. Mind you, it's not the house's fault for all that I had to endure at such a young age...and honestly the house...is quite lovely visually. Aside from the fact that (if I recall correctly) the kitchen is small, and the basement is of no real usable size, it's a lovely home. But it conjures up such anger, sadness, detest, loathing, and unmitigated rage in me...that have nothing that I can compare it to. And again, it's not the house's fault that I feel this way. It just is how I feel.

I have asked my Aunt in past what the street address was for the place and she informed me she was "Unable to recall" at the time. I remember thinking to myself are you just saying that because you don't want to tell me or honestly do you not remember what it was? I asked her again in email passing (we were conversing via email) so I decided to strike while the iron was hot and ask again. This time I got the street address.

I went to Google and input the address. The one it came up with I was confused because truthfully I didn't recall it being so close to the main intersection. But then I realized while it had given me the correct street it was not at the exact address I wanted. So I inched my way down the street. I was nervous I'll admit. I had a knot in the pit of my stomach, and a lump in my throat. But I had to see it. I had to look at it (even if the photo was taken a year or more ago - which it was). I still had to see it.

When I first set my eyes on it...I felt nauseous and anxious. I felt a sense of doom wash over me like I was 4 years old all over again, and then sadness. And then...nothing. No anger, no rage, no detest, no remorse, nothing...Actually...I think I thought 2 things. 1) I thought there was a large tree in the front yard they must have taken it out. There is a tree on the front lawn however it's a much younger tree - the tree that was there was HUGE and shady and I believe more in the area where the front path was put in towards the sidewalk - it wasn't there when I was there. And 2) I hope no one was foolish and painted over the wood work in that home it was lovely. I'm not sure what I expected really, it's not like the house is evil and an entity of it's own. It's not like the house trapped me for 2 summers of my life and imprisoned my sister and I there. I'll always have that anger. But this is about something different, they're two separate issues.

So I guess after 36 years I can somewhat put that chapter of my life to bed so to speak. Although I've not been to the house in person I now feel almost at peace with it all. Funny how just looking at a photo will do that. While I'll probably never remember nor will I know if anything untoward occurred in that house, I feel calmer when I think about it now somehow. The offending person is dead and the other likely never would talk about it anyway even if she DID know if anything went down that shouldn't have.

I feel better now...for now.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

To tell the truth...

So I've been thinking about this and going around and around about it in my head and the rest of the voices and I have agreed...it's time. I'm going to tell you something. Something so dark...so sinister..okay maybe not dark or sinister but it is something about myself that only a handful of people know. Okay it's not about me per se...but it involves me.  But it's something that I have decided after much thought, much painful deliberation that it is time to come clean. Be honest you know...fess up..."Open confession is good for the soul" (Scottish proverb) and all that.

I know you're thinking to yourself...Kendra Maureen! What could you possibly be keeping from me? I thought we were friends! Family even! Well, we are...and honestly do you think I tell you everything there is to know about me? The answer to that before you rack your pretty little head is "No". Quite frankly I don't even think I know everything there is to know about me. If I did...I'd likely be some omnipotent being that would float around on some cloud.

It's something though I honestly wasn't sure about for certain until about a month ago. I hadn't made that final leap. That final decision. Yes...this was a DECISION folks...so keep that in mind. I made the choice...not a doctor or anything...so NO I'm not sick or dying.  I am perfectly healthy (aside from the fact that I need to lose weight). This was a choice, a decision I made...something within my own control. (How rare is that?? LOL) And quite frankly...truthfully had this year not gone the way it had...had I not come into contact with the people that I have...I may never have come to this decision. To this epiphany. To this...truthfully...quite possibly life altering decision. Or if I had...it would have taken me a lot longer to get there I think. But life is funny sometimes, and can turn on a dime...and sometimes if you're very lucky what you've been searching for your entire life is staring you right in the face and just been very patiently been waiting for you to notice it.

And no I'm building this up and then tell you something daft like "My hair isn't it's natural colour" or "I think John Taylor is still as attractive as I always have" because those are 'gimmes' and I wouldn't insult your intelligence by writing that. Although that would be hysterically funny. Can you imagine getting through all this only to find out that I've confessed something you already knew that was as lame ass as that? Yea, I wouldn't put it past me either. But that's not the case. I promise. Like I said though, a select few of you already know this secret...so it's not a secret to some of you.

And yes...I'm not writing out what my big secret is yet, I'm stalling. Why? Not because I want to lay out the anticipation more, or because I think this is funny. But truthfully...it's one of those things...once I say it, it's out there, and I can't take it back, and I'm having a little bit of anxiety. Well now you're thinking "If it's that big of a deal don't worry about it". And perhaps you're right. I mean truthfully outside of just 'encouragement' there's really nothing anyone BUT ME can do about it.

Okay, I think I've stalled long enough...I hope you're not let down when I reveal my secret. If you are...Sorry! I have decided and have been working on a novel. There. I've said it. It's out there and I can't take it back. It's a romance novel...and I know right there I've lost some of you, but truthfully it's got humor in it so it's not all fucky and sucky. Even a romance novel has to have substance. I'm in the early stages of writing; but so far personally; I think it's good. And those who have read it think it's good. There have only been two people who have read what I have written and likely it will stay as such until it gets ready to be published. Anyway, there you have it...I've spilled my secret.

One Last Glimpse,



~K


Post-script: I have sat on this for the last few days trying to decide...even though I had this all written out that if I posted it...what would be the personal repercussions on myself? Did I know what I was setting myself up for letting everyone in? Did I have it within me to share this secret with you, and have it not make a difference on the outcome?  And I think...truthfully...it doesn't make a difference. It's my decision. It's my choice and it's something I feel good about. It's something...I'm going to follow through with. And if nothing comes of it, at least I know I tried. So we'll see where it goes...what happens. What does it hurt after all? And there you have it.

 ~K

Memory: It's not just a song from Cats

I was having a conversation with a couple people on Facebook tonight (about Duran) when I suddenly had the epiphany, I know FAR too much and retain far too much information about this band for someone who's never worked for them. I think I should start charging. Either that or write a damn book. Honestly, if I put half the damn energy into other tasks and things I want to accomplish I'd be done by now! Why I hold onto so many "useless" facts about this band is beyond me. (Okay not useless -- but you know what I mean) Quotes, dates, etc. It's scary...like really. I mean...there is a WEALTH of Duran trivia locked up here. *taps head*

It's not like I can just do a memory dump or format the hard drive and start over - not really that I'd want to. I don't mind having this ability to recall information or memories this well. And (Gods forbid) if I ever have Alzheimer's I'll miss my mind when it's gone. Although with my luck I'd probably forget to Alan and the kids are but retain PERFECT knowledge of who Duran is and all that those memories and information encompass.

But really it's not JUST for Duran though, just stupid little quotes and things people have said or done over the years. Dates (normal) people would have long forgotten. Just the other day I was driving along with my friend Nat when I recalled a memory from when I was probably about 6 or 7 from out at my Dad's. We're talking down to a finite detail. It scared me. I quickly got on my cell phone and texted my sister Kristen asking her if she too recalled this memory (thankfully she did and I didn't sound like a COMPLETE crack-pot).

I have no idea WHY I have such an exceptional memory I just do. I've been complimented on it before, I've had people come to me asking me to recall memories because they cannot. It's scared me on a couple of occasions the detail I've been able to go into. Occasionally I have felt like some sort of mutant or defect because of it. When I say great detail by the way...we're talking who was there, what time of day, if or not it was raining, who was wearing what...what was said... like down to the most minuscule detail. I've even said (when I'm recalling a memory) "Don't you remember this?" And they usually look at me like I have 5 heads and say "No." I guess I assume because I remember stuff the way I do...EVERYBODY does.

But having said that...I dream and converse with dead people and people that I have never met. So my judgement is suspect.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

Returning to Now: Almost a month later

For the first time the other day since October 27th I listened to Return to Now/Before the Rain while I was driving to work. I found myself instantly back in that moment, and those emotions of that moment I found they were quite raw and still very eagerly came screaming back to the surface and I began to cry. Not sob...but cry. A happy cry to be assured. I'm still back in that moment...even though the experience has long gone, and there has been significant emotional events occur since then...it was nice to know I could conjure up that moment, and those feelings and they were so readily willing and able to revisit me. I took it as a true gift, and for that I am thankful.

Things have been far more positive lately. Work is going well, with some positive possibilities on the horizon. Good and exciting things are happening for friends - positive, uplifting things. One of my friends is having a nervous break down (in a good way) because someone; whom she idolizes; told her recently she values her opinion and as a friend. Not just as random person_01 but as a friend...And I couldn't be happier for her. Did I mention this someone (the idol) is a rather famous someone? I mean c'mon! That's exciting right? Being told by someone you idolize first off that they feel the same way about you, and then the fact that this person is famous...that's really kinda awesome.

Christmas is coming it's still over a month away and yet I am so eager to put the lights all up and everything. I'm so excited. I get like a little kid at this time of year...more so than normal. Getting gifts is fun and all...but honestly... I love giving gifts. I've got two of my gifts already thought out and pre-planned. I just need time to sit and meticulously work out the finite details of exactly how I'm going to pull this off. But it's going to be truly an awesome Christmas. There's just something about this time of year that turns me into an even bigger kid than I usually am. I guess Christmas means I can just get away with it more readily. Tee Hee. So bring on the bells, holly, mistletoe and the pervy mall Santas! I can take it!

Who WOULDN'T want to find this under their tree I ask you??? Oh GOD can you imagine if he was a pervy mall Santa?? I'd be getting in the line up repeatedly!!! Mind you I think I'd have to fight off a certain Kiwi for my turn.... :P 

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Insomnia ramblings: Awake again...naturally

It's 2:11am (that's KCLT as opposed to 7:11am JTLT or 11:11pm JMLT -- HAHA...sorry J couldn't help myself!) on Monday morning. I work in a little over 12 hours and I am sitting here, at my computer wide awake. I've been to bed once for near to an hour with no luck of going to sleep...although not for lack of trying. But quite frankly it's hopeless once I start singing in my head. I might as well get up. Tonight's soundtrack started off with a little "Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate, followed by "Close to Me" by The Cure. By the time I hit "Hold Back the Rain" I knew I was fucked and it was time to get back up before I started full on go-go dancing in bed. 


So here I sit, by the warming glow of my computer screen writing this. What's more, my hubby is now awake and downstairs with me (Gods love him) which is fine. But Not only did I succeed in NOT going to sleep...but I also succeeded in waking him up as well. Go me! Although I must admit, even though he has reassured me that it is fine...I feel a tinge of guilt for waking him up as well. I have no idea why I can't sleep. I wish I COULD sleep...it would make life oh so much easier truth be told.

This week I work two, I'm off two, I work two. Which, I think... is nice. My week is a little bit more split up, but I feel more rested for some reason. I'm not sure why. I work Friday and Saturday though...which kind of sucks as those are prime "date nights" so if I wanted to do anything I really can't but I'm sure I'll live. ALTHOUGH having said that I'm done by 8pm on Saturday night so technically I could still go out Saturday night if I wanted to.


I found out this evening that in late August/Early September of 2012 the musical Wicked is going to be in Kitchener (about 45 minutes from me). If you have not seen Wicked, or have no idea what Wicked is I will enlighten you. First it was a book (series) by Gregory Maguire which then became a Tony Award winning musical..and in my humble opinion....it is brilliant. It's essentially a prequel to the Wizard of Oz, however parts of the musical do take place within what would be the movie. After watching the movie for years and many times over...and then going to see this musical - it blew my mind. It takes EVERYTHING you THINK you know about Glinda, Dorothy, and the Wicked Witch and the realm of Oz and turns it on it's ear. It's truly an incredibly brilliant show. If you have the opportunity or the interest... You MUST go. It's fun, funny, thought provoking, and an emotional journey. Like the Wizard of Oz, it is absolutely an all ages show. 


I'm finding it increasingly more and more difficult not to put up my Christmas decorations. I know it's not even the end of November, but truthfully I'm dying to do it. I'm eager, that's no lie...really there's no point in even trying to deny it because I'd fail miserably. However when I was a kid we never put our tree up before my sister's birthday on December 12th. Mostly because we always had a real tree and had my Mother bought, and set up the tree much before the 12th it would have looked like such a dried out piece of crap come Christmas morning it would have been a sad and pathetic sight. So we never did it. However, through the miracles of technology, and the improvements of fake Christmas trees...not to mention the unwillingness to have to water the sucker ever 2 days, and trying to keep the cats out of THAT mess...we have a lovely tree in a box. So the Christmas spirit may just find it's way into my home sooner rather than later. ;)


I know exactly what I'm doing for my kids this year for Christmas, which is unusual for me. The one I AM stumped on is my husband and what to get him. I have a few basic ideas...but truthfully...one of them there is no way I can afford it (we're looking at probably 1200$) and the other...I don't even know where to start looking for that without flat out asking him. And I don't want to do that. Where's the fun in that?


Alright I have rambled for almost an hour now...and like it or not...I need to get some sleep. So for now my sweet lovelies I will depart. For this one time I will leave you not with the immortal words of Simon John Charles Le Bon but those of Stephen Schwartz composer and lyricist for Wicked and the song "Defying Gravity":

ELPHABA

Something has changed within me 

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap! 

It's time to try

Defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

And you can't pull me down! 

GLINDA

Can't I make you understand? 

You're having delusions of grandeur:

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/w/wicked/defying_gravity.html ]

ELPHABA

I'm through accepting limits

''cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try, I'll never know! 

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing love I guess I've lost

Well, if that's love

It comes at much too high a cost! 

I'd sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down:

(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could

Do: together.

(sung) Unlimited

Together we're unlimited

Together we'll be the greatest team 

There's ever been

Glinda - 

Dreams, the way we planned 'em

GLINDA

If we work in tandem:

BOTH

There's no fight we cannot win

Just you and I

Defying gravity

With you and I

Defying gravity

ELPHABA

They'll never bring us down! 

(spoken) Well? Are you coming? 

GLINDA

I hope you're happy

Now that you're choosing this

ELPHABA

(spoken) You too

(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH

I really hope you get it

And you don't live to regret it

I hope you're happy in the end

I hope you're happy, my friend:

ELPHABA

So if you care to find me

Look to the western sky! 

As someone told me lately:

"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"

And if I'm flying solo

At least I'm flying free

To those who'd ground me

Take a message back from me

Tell them how I am

Defying gravity

I'm flying high

Defying gravity

And soon I'll match them in renown

And nobody in all of Oz

No Wizard that there is or was

Is ever gonna bring me down! 

GLINDA

I hope you're happy! 

CITIZENS OF OZ

Look at her, she's wicked! 

Get her! 

ELPHABA

:Bring me down! 

CITIZENS OF OZ

No one mourns the wicked

So we've got to bring her

ELPHABA

Ahhh! 

CITIZENS OF OZ

Down!

One Last Glimpse,



~K

The Death of Originality: Long live the 80's

With all these remakes of classic movies/tv shows it makes me weep (even more) for our future generations. Do none of these up and coming musicians or movie makers have an original thought? It's creeping into music now too...I hear so many remakes on the radio these days it's not even funny. Songs that have had lyrics changed but the tune is so similar or a blatant rip off from an 80's song that it's not even funny. Oh sure they'd say it's "sampling" I call it rip off plain and simple. It's pathetic really.

And yes...remakes of songs have been going on for years. I get that. So has sampling of other songs. Shit, even Barry Manilow took part of a Chopin song and made it into a classic back in the 70's - that was even before we knew what "sampling" was, before it even had a name. (Chopin and Mr. Manilow respectively -- I urge you to take the time to listen to both...This song is the reason why I ended up playing piano in the first place, rumor has it I started playing this on the piano and that's when my Mother decided I needed to go into piano lessons).

I guess what REALLY burns my ass is the fact that these new artists aren't paying the original art form the proper respect they're due. IF they were making something of equal quality or perhaps even surpassing their predecessors then I wouldn't complain...but it's a big money grab and they seemingly just don't give a crap, and they shit all over the body of work that they are trying to improve upon. There is the odd occasion where they either get it right or surpass the original, but those moments are so vastly few and far between. I just don't get it.

Perhaps I'm a little...over protective of my youth. Perhaps I need to let go and broaden my horizons. I dunno. But I swear to fuck if that little Justin Bieber twerp ever even THINKS about touching Duran...he'd better grow a set first because quite frankly...they're way WAY out of his league. He'd be better off sticking to singing Usher tunes. (JUST for the record NO I have NOT heard that young Twerp err I mean Justa Beaver err I mean Justin is DARING to tackle a Duran song...I'm just SAYING...a...forewarning if you will).

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is...can someone pleeease have an original thought? Or, if you want to redo someone's art. PLEASE have the courtesy to at the very least attempt to make one almost equally as good if you cannot surpass the original? Is that really too much to ask?? Thanks in advance...

One Last Glimpse,


~K