Little girl gone to the big city

Hello dear readers. Yes, I've been remiss.... and I apologize. I am a bad, bad blogger.


Now that we have THAT out of the way.....

My eldest daughter is on vacation this week in Los Angeles. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a nervous wreck, mostly while she's flying (I don't like to fly) so I get nervous when those I know and care about, are flying.

She is in California to visit with some friends that she's known for probably about 5 or 6 years now. They're all going to the same anime convention which she has been planning for the better part of 8 months. She saved (most of) the money herself and her Dad and I were very happy to let her and make sure she was able to go.

I know she's with a great group of friends so I'm not concerned about her safety. She's a smart kid, with a good head on her shoulders (most of the time LOL). So I know the most trouble she'd get into would be staying up late to watch some anime movie she'd never seen before (OOOOOO!!!). I know, I know a rebel just like her Mom. (NOT!)

This latest plane crash in San Francisco has me a little freaked out. I have to say I'm not going to be comfortable until she finds her way back to this time zone and I know she has landed SAFELY in Detroit.

Is that odd? I'm not worried about her being in LOS ANGELES....but I'm more concerned about her flying. I guess it's because in this day and age of internet and networking, I know so many people who would absolutely be there in a heartbeat if need be who are in the Los Angeles area if there were an emergency that I'm not worried about it. You know?

In any event I'm going to squoosh my "little girl" when she gets home on Wednesday just that little bit extra and make her eyeballs bug out a little once she's home safe and sound on terra firma.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

Let's play "Catch up!"

I'm not sure what's going on with me lately. I am all over the map. I scatterbrained, unsettled and anxious. I have written next to nothing in the last 6 weeks, and honestly I'm not sure why. It's not that I'm uninspired to do so, I just...haven't.

I just turned 42 ten days ago, and I had a nice quiet birthday. Which was nice. We didn't do much, it was just us...and we had a good time. We decided at the last minute to go out for sushi for dinner (which - I LOVE probably more than I should), which was fantastic.

I went to see New Kids on the Block with 98 Degrees and Boys II Men with my youngest sister in law, and of course we had a great time doing that. It's the third time I've seen them (New Kids) and they put on a very high energy, fantastic show. But, I think this may have been the best show yet and yet, I can't put my finger on as to why. The first time was here at home in London. Mary and I went we went with my other sister in law Megan - which was a good time. We went to dinner before, and enjoyed ourselves for the most part. The second time was in Toronto, but this time it was 3 of my sisters in law and I (Mary, Megan and Maureen) and it was New Kids with Backstreet Boys. Our seats sucked...but the show was good. But this time it was just Mary and I - our seats were good, and the show was awesome.

I can't sleep tonight. Something I'm relatively used to - I tend to go through about a week of this in the summer. I'm not sure why. It's annoying, but it is what it is and I'm used to it...sort of. Unfortunately it's not happening on days when I'm off. But, it's okay - I'm sure I'll survive.

I'm hoping next week we can look at houses. I'm actually dying to get out of where we're living now. I'm due for a change of scenery. It's not that this place is horrible or anything, but I can't put "my mark" on where we are now. We're renting and we would only have to repaint or have it repainted when we moved out, and I don't want to have to do that. We're in a position that we can finally start looking (I hope!) and I've seen a few online that I quite like. So...we'll see. I'll keep you posted.

Promise!!

One Last Glimpse,

~K

I don't do horror flicks

A friend of mine this evening mentioned that the movie "The Exorcist" is going to be at the movie theater near where she lives. I don't do scary movies. I'm not the kind of person you want to take to a scary movie. I'm the kind of person who sits there with her fingers in her ears, and my eyes closed. If I don't I jump at every little thing and will open up my mouth and scream like a little girl. No joke. Seriously.

The first time (and ONLY time) I ever saw "The Exorcist" was a rainy Sunday afternoon with my friend Nat. She was DYING to see it, her parents had gone out for the afternoon and we had the big screen TV ALL to ourselves. We walked over to the local variety store, rented the movie and got our snacks and strolled back to her place to settle in.

I can remember my Mom telling me two things about two specific scary movies when they were released. The movie "Psycho" and "The Exorcist" had both made people literally run screaming from the movie theater when they were released. Fan.Tastic. But I was about 15 or so, and it was daylight after all, so being the cocky teen that I was - I could handle it. Right? WRONG.

I spent the next 2 hours curling my hair in my friend Nat's bathroom with my friend Nat yelling "KEN! COME SEE!!!" And me saying "Nope! I'm good!" from the bathroom. I was working on some KICK ASS 80's big ass rocker hair. For two hours.

At the time, Nat was dating this guy who had been raised Catholic. Fairly devout if memory serves. JUST as Linda Blair having "THE" scene with the crucifix... in comes the boyfriend. And there's Linda Blair screaming "Fuck me...". I answer the door, Linda Blair is screaming and masturbating and the boyfriend says to me "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING???!" Technically I wasn't watching anything, I was seeing how big I could get my hair (and likely singing Duran Duran, Triumph, Kiss, Poison or Motley Crue into the mirror), but you get the idea.

I don't remember the end of The Exorcist, and I guess technically I've only ever seen bits and pieces of it, but what I saw was plenty for me.

So, I don't do the big scary movies. I don't mind a good mind fuck movie (in fact I LOVE those! The Ring -- I LOVED....except for the end), but I can't do horror flicks. I'm just too big of a wimp.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Inspiration comes in the strangest forms

Inspiration can come from the oddest of places. Sometimes it's something big and bold and flashy like a musical number with 76 trombones and a big parade. (Sorry if THAT song is stuck in your head for the rest of the day you musical lovers, but rest assured the entire score of "The Music Man" is now permeating my inner earwurm. So, you are not alone.). Sometimes it's a photograph or piece of imagery you capture a glimpse of. Or sometimes, it's something you read that inspires.

The other day, I read; by random chance; a blunt, frank, honest, beautiful, heart breaking, bold, articulate, intelligent blog entry by a young woman named Zoe Nash-Taylor. Who is; like all young women her age; pushing her boundaries and finding out "who she wants to be when she grows up". But her entry was so inspiring and ahead of where I know I was at her age maturity wise (even though I had 2 children at that point). I think, if she is recognizing and finding herself at such a young age (22), what I didn't/wouldn't/couldn't see in myself until I was 40 - she will go far in this world.

This entry has touched me deeply and came at a time in my life where I found myself stagnant. Stagnant in my writing, photography, bass playing...just about anything artistic. And my weight loss; that ever constant noose around my neck; has found a new inspiration too. Now, after reading this entry, by this young woman whom I've never met, by random happenstance, I realize that she has lit that fire again in me that I was missing and that I let dwindle over the last few months. I can never thank her enough for that kick in the pants that I was so sorrily needing.

I think I had forgotten, somehow in these last few months that I'm not just 'okay' and I let those same old fears creep in. Those 'what ifs'. She reminded me in  her entry that I'm not alone, and I am worthy of being me and that I am worth something. She reminded me people DO love me unconditionally and I am worthy of that love and that I love them back just as fiercely.

I look to the future with promise and inspiration. Promise in myself, promise of the best me I can be and inspiration that I was lacking to continue my own personal journey.

And to you Zoe; should you read this; I'd like to give you a few words of wisdom if I may. As cliche as this is going to sound, as 80's John Hughes movie it may be... don't aim to be who your parents are, or who you think they want you to be. They had their own journey and story to write in this big, crazy world. They made their own mistakes, and crosses to bear no matter how successful they are. If you spend your life comparing yourself to the mark they left, no matter how far you get - you will perceive it to be a short coming by comparison. Be who you are, be yourself, who you want to be. Don't define yourself by your friends or family and don't try to live up to what you think their standards are. I honestly thought my parents had lofty standards for my sister and I, unobtainable ones. In the end, they just wanted my sister and I to be happy. Your family will love you and be proud of you no matter what. Your true friends will always be there for you...and if they're not there when you need them the most, be wary. You've got "it". You know you do, you just need to let go of those "what ifs" and take the leap.

I look forward to hearing about and from you in the future young lady, you've got spunk, fire and talent and I admire you. THANK YOU for inspiring me and reminding me of something I'd forgotten.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Gas Bar Glamazon: Mess with the bull...you know the rest.

I know I'm cranky today. I know I'm bordering on miserable. I know my period is coming and I slept for complete and utter shite last night. BUT...I have kept myself remarkably in check today and haven't snapped or been snarky to anyone. Well...almost no one.


I just had a gentleman in on the now infamous outside line (Pay at the pump). To his credit he DID try to pay with his credit card at the pump first. I'm not sure why it wouldn't work. I just know that it kept refusing his card. I politely informed him how to insert his card, and if it didn't work he would have to come inside to do a pre-pay OR alternatively move to a different inside pump.


I'm busy right now – I wasn't earlier, but I am now...I don't have time for bullshit and stupidity or attitude. I can see him out of the corner of my eye trudging in towards me. I don't think he was any older than 60 (at oldest) but I can tell he's got an attitude. He comes in and proceeds to wing the card toward me informing me “There's NOTHING wrong with MY card!!” and then in a snarky tone adds “Yet another reason to go back to Shell I guess.”.


WRONG ATTITUDE TO PULL. Now, I got a little put out by this boys and girls and I MAY have retorted something along the lines of: “If you'd like to go to Shell, I can cancel this prepay if you like.”. I have never seen anyone of my customers look at me quite as shocked as he did. But I was annoyed, pissed off and more than a little bit put out. I don't get paid enough to take anybody's crap or attitude – and if you want to go else where to get your gas – by all means – have at it.


He stared at me as I extended his card and receipt out to him (for his prepay) and when he didn't take it, I said “WELL?” in a rather...I'll admit it...huffy tone. He took the card back from me THANKED ME in a COMPLETELY different tone, smiled and went out to his car, pumped his gas and left.


BWAHAHAHHAA


One Last Glimpse,


~K

Sleep? What's that?

I didn't sleep well last night. In fact, I should still be in bed. It's 5:54am, I've been up for a little over a half an hour now and I just could not get back to sleep -- so here I am. I have to work today at 3pm (fabulous) and I've had probably 3-4 hours of sleep at this point (fantastic). So I will definitely be going back for a nap before work today...that is, assuming I'll be able to sleep.

As I sit here at write this, I'm feeling very strange. Like with every motion, I feel almost like I'm out of my body. This kids, is what lack of sleep does to me. Not good. I feel very puppetized (I know that's not a word) or marionette like. I feel like every movement I make is deliberate and calculated and not my own.

I know I'll feel better once I get a little more sleep. Outside of feeling "not myself" I feel fine. It's just an odd feeling, know what I mean?

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Rest in peace: Art Christmas

As I have mentioned before my Mom (when I was a child) belonged to a local singing group. Today I found out that their leader/conductor passed away. I am completely broken up over this. I feel as though I have lost another piece of my childhood.

I haven't had contact with Art in many years (probably about 10 or so). But our last communication (after my Mom passed away) was via email and was very sweet and endearing. He spoke in high regard of my Mom, sister and I.  This was a man who clearly cared about those who had touched his life.

So as I sit here, shedding tears intermittantly I think of you Art Christmas, and all the laughter, charisma and song you brought into my life. Thank you so very much for those treasured memories. I can almost hear you, Uncle Ken and Mom singing and laughing up a storm already.

Rest in peace Art.

~K