Wow.. so.. yeah.

So... Hi! It's me again. And we're back to this. It's been a while and I understand if yer pissed or feel neglected. I get it. I really am not even sure why I'm back here really. I haven't written on this blog in almost a year and yet... Like a bad rash, here I am. Taa dahh!

Hubby and I went with Nat and Shawn to Mexico in January. FIRST HOLIDAY WITH MY BESTIE EVER!!!! We had such a great time and straight away started talking about where we were going next. Alaska? Viking Territory in Europe? Cruise? Resort? So many decisions. Nothing in stone yet, but... We'll see. I would LIKE to get a house before our next holiday...so it may be a while. But, it will come. Eventually.

I'm not sure what I can tell you that is new. Not much has changed with me really. Same shit, different day. Kids still living at home, hubby and I still in madly in love. (AWWWWWWWWW!)

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GAH Hubby got me a new bass! Well, a new to me bass!!! He got me my JT-84!!! Limited Edition JT Peavey baby!! I couldn't believe it! OH and a beaaaaaaaaaautiful engagement ring. Holy balls. I cried. I'm so spoiled. I love him.

OH!! The friend I had the falling out with - we are now cool. Which is good. VERY good. Everything has been sorted out and we've worked out our issues. Which most of were NON issues and had very little to do with her or me. But, those NON issues are now irrelevant (no more or less in retrospect than they always were -- but I digress). Anyway, YES things are good with her.

Oh! I quit the gas station. I know... Right?! In the end, I adored my boss (still do!) but I just wanted to cut a bitch by the end of a shift. And I was so fecking miserable... so I quit.

I am still writing thanks for asking, but I am getting hung up and not making as quick a headway as I would like. Grr.

I saw Duran again on the Paper Gods tour. Twice this time round. And while I would love to see them a third time, I don't think it is going to happen. It is what it is and can only be what it is. I'm VERY pleased with the shows I saw and the opportunities to make the memories I did with the people I did. Unexpected wonder would be a good way to put it.

OH!!!! And speaking of vacays! I'm leaving for Cali in a few weeks to go see my sister and her hubs. I cannot wait. I get to go with my Dad and hubby! TOTALLY EXCITED. Sister and her hubby moved to Cali for work and I haven't seen my sister in almost a year and her hubby it will be a year when we go. Plus, hello! Vacay with my Dad??? Weeee!!!! Cannot waaaaaaaaaaaait!!!!

Anyway, I won't keep you. I hope you've been good to one another in my absence. Just know you're thought about. Often.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Jealousy and Mamma Bear mode

My youngest daughter has begun communications with her biological mother. I am mad, concerned and saddened by this turn of events. Not mad at my daughter, I understand her curiosity, I get that...I do. I'm worried about the things her biological mother is telling her. Yes, my daughter is an adult -- but it's not that simple. Her biological mother; by all accounts; is a cause for concern. There's a mental disconnect there which perpetuates lies, expanded truths, half truths and full on fantasy. I'm uncertain; to be honest; exactly how much of what comes out of this woman's mouth is truth at all.

I guess my problem is that, considering of how my daughter's life; up until we came into it; was I don't want her to fall backwards into that upset again. She was mistreated, stepped on, used, ignored, abused -- and I'm concerned that the pattern will repeat itself to some degree with the introduction of her biological mother. And if I'm being completely honest, I don't think she could handle being shattered again. I realize she's physically an adult, but she's naive and of course hoping the best of this relationship even though I'm imagining the worst. Maybe that's on me, maybe it's my problem and it's unwarranted. Maybe she won't hurt her again, but whoa betide her if she does.

I understand the want from my daughter to know where she came from. I get that she wants to be able to say "this is what my history is" and has made her part of who she is. I understand that, I really do. But unfortunately the answers aren't that easy. Maybe my problem is that I feel like I should be enough for her, and I'm not. But then part of me says it's not about me and something I can't fulfill in my daughter. It's something I will never have, and I can do nothing about that. I suppose the only thing I can do is sit back and watch and wait. And IF my daughter needs to be picked back up and put back together at the end of the day because of this woman, that's the job I'll have to do. It's all I can do. It's what a mother does.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

I can't sleep

This is a fascinating concept to me. Somehow, some strange way -- to me... it make sense, and I like it. I'm not sure why, but it does and I do. Currently it's 3:05am, and I am (obviously) wide awake. I wish I wasn't. Not because I have to work tomorrow (I don't) or I have somewhere to be (I don't) or even because I have things to or accomplish tomorrow (I don't). I just don't like to not be able to sleep. It bothers me. So, for as much as I like the idea of this legend...it bothers me that I can't sleep. Does that even make any sense what so ever? Probably not. 

I've got lots of ideas the last few days for writing. Plot points, dialogue for different things I'm working on. Some with actual potential -- some just... fluff... that I don't think will ever go anywhere. But I use it as a tool to grow and learn, so I write it down. Some are poems. Not that they'll ever get used in books or stories (I don't think). But they come to me, and I'm compelled to write them down to "get them out there" as it were. Like this one:

Kiss me with passion,
Caution to the wind.
Love's heart full,
Tomorrow's questions answered.
With a knowing glance,
Full of wisdom.
Guide me home,
To your life.
To your love.
Where we will be one.


I have no idea what it means... but hey, there you go.

Or this one:

Lost in tomorrow,
The hopes and dreams,
Amazing finds,
Of yesterday's magic.
Away with the negative.
Ushering in a new,
Adventure in the wings,
Waiting for the dawn.
Bringing chance, change and promise,
And light to a forgotten shadow.


Both written tonight, by me just randomly.

Anyway, just thought I'd check in -- let you know I'm not dead or forgotten about you guys. Going to go see Def Leppard on Tuesday, so I'm SURE I'll have something to post again later this week. Be good!


One Last Glimpse,

~K 
 

Early morning ramblings

I've been writing again...but not on the things I had been working on, but new things. I guess with spring comes new inspirations. I've now got 5 or 6 things on the go; some have REAL potential to be... SOMETHING; some are just little snippets or "visual" writings. (A "visual" writing is something written in a manner so graphic you can't help but see the entire thing in your imagination. I term is widely used in the fan fiction genre -- mostly used for characters having sex with one another. Something over the years I've become VERY good at...LOL -- *cough* "the story" *cough (if you don't know what "the story" is... remind me to enlighten you sometime). Although with my newly found free time (not working) -- that's okay to have so many things on the go.. I guess I can take care of that. I'm hoping at some point I'll finish...SOMETHING and have it published. Maybe before my 50th. Maybe that should be my goal. Maybe I'm expecting it to come far faster than it should. The writing, not my 50th....Just to be clear.

I'm still speaking to the person I hadn't been speaking to, but am now speaking to again at least via FB. So, I guess that's something positive. We've got a long, long way to go to have any semblance of a healthy friendship - but I suppose talking is a step towards that. But -- both parties have to be willing. And I am...with reservation - but, I still don't know if she is. And maybe she doesn't know. I don't have that answer. Out of all our friendship faults, and our own faults... she's been there at times I've needed her. I can't dispute that fact. Has our friendship always been a healthy one? No. I can't dispute that fact either. Was she always to blame? No, I did my fair share of things to hurt and harm our friendship over the years. Could I have tried harder? Sure, who couldn't. Could she? Yes. Of course. I guess at the end of the day, after sinking 20+ years into a friendship I'm just not willing to let it go without a fight. We're still vastly different people at the end of the day, but if it doesn't work out...at least I'm able to say I did EVERYTHING to try to sort this shit out.

I'm running on about 3 hours sleep today, no real reason for my random wake up in the middle of the night. Although I'd wager it has something to do with the cats. They just seem to infiltrate the bed and take it over.  I can't speak for later, but currently I'm not tired. In fact, quite the opposite. I'm awake, cheerful and alert. I don't know how I'll be come noon, but for now... I feel pretty damn good. Could I possibly be becoming a *gasp* MORNING person???

Nahhhh.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Happy Easter

I've got the makings for yet another story into the fire. I don't know if I can keep up this pace though. The last few days I feel like I'm "en pointe" twenty four seven. Like, I don't know how to turn the muses off. I'm loving the positive creative energies but sometimes I feel like my brain is scattered and I'm being pulled in multiple directions at once. Last night was the first time I've slept well in days. Like all the muses are speaking at once, vying for attentions for each different writing. New writings. And they're good. They're very good. At least, I think so. I suppose only time will tell.

I spoke to my former friend (what a stupid way to have to put it) via FB this week because her Aunt had passed away. I wouldn't have been me had I not extended my condolences to her. We spoke back and forth a little and now it's all gone to radio silence again. I'd be lying if I didn't say I missed speaking to her, but I'm not going to rehash things that she isn't, can't or won't help me fix. I am unwilling to accept responsibility for things that are NOT my fault. Friendship is a two way street and I have been more than willing to be accommodating in my changing. We are still ever tragically locked at a stalemate, and I don't think that's going to be fixed anytime soon. And maybe that's the way things are meant to be, remaining on the fringes of each others lives. I wish her peace and to be well.

I spent a LOVELY afternoon yesterday (rather unexpectedly) with my dear BFF. We went and had our nails done, and even bought matching purses (different colours). I know, it's silly -- but we had a great time. We always do. She'd been away on vacation, so catching up was just what we both needed I think. I know I sure did! I'm feeling rejuvenated today and I'm fairly sure she's part of the reason behind it. I missed her terribly while she was away. Even though we texted everyday, we missed our weekly ritual of going out to lunch. It was nice to get back into the groove.

Anyway, looking forward to spending some time with family this weekend. The weather seems to be warming up (FINALLY) and I hope that each of you have a lovely weekend. 

Happy Easter (if you celebrate). If not... happy weekend!

One Last Glimpse,

~K

The end of the road....

So, I've given my notice. Final. No takesies backsies. I'm just tired of the assholes that come through here thinking that I'm worse than a piece of shit on the bottom of their shoe. The rudeness of some people because either they feel entitled to behave in such a manner, or they feel that somehow it's MY fault the price of gas is the way it is. Yes, it's a closely guarded secret that I have some evil monopoly over the price of gas and while you suckers are paying 1.05$ per litre, secretly I'm only paying .50cents. Morons. I'm going to miss the shit out of  my boss when I leave though. That's the one major downside.

I've been sick the last 2 days. Just with a cold, nothing major - it's not like it's ebola or anything, but it's seriously been kicking my ass. And of course, I'm working. I tell you this shit is like clockwork, it never fails. Oh well, at least I don't have my period... that was LAST weekend and a shit show all on its own. (Don't even get me started!)

We still haven't bought a house yet, although we've decided we're doing it this year. At least, that's the plan. I've seen a few that I like, I seem to be drawn to the large victorian style homes. Neither of the two that are my favourites at the moment are here in London, both are in different cities or towns. Which is fine as well as far as I'm concerned. Anyone I want or need to go see is still travelable by car. And of course, Alan loves the victorian style homes too. I think what I like most about them is the high ceilings. I never feel clostrophobic in them, they always bring me a sense of relief. So we'll see where we go from here. Who knows where we might end up. I know where I DON'T want to be, and I know what I'm looking for. Now we just play the waiting game and see what we can find.

My friend who had moved here from out west moved back to Vancouver. He wasn't happy here. I can respect that. In my opinion he didn't even try to make himself happy here, and by his own admission told people before he even left there that he would be back - so I'm not sure what the point of him moving here was for anyway. But, that's fine. I just want him to be happy. And if he's happier out west, so be it. I'm certainly not about to make you stay if you're unhappy.

I'm not any closer to finishing my book, nor have I painted in a dogs age. I'm hoping with the nicer weather coming that inspiration will strike and all that will be a thing of the past. Time to shake off the winter blahs and cobwebs and strike out of the cocoon.

One Last Glimpse,



~K

Poem time...

I have a creative buzz lingering just beneath the skin

I can feel it buzzing, itching, yearning to scratch it's way to the surface

Itching, twitching, needing to break through and be free

Of the confines of my mind.

To have it's own voice, tell it's own story, soliloquy and grand solo

Be enraptured in its own being

Captivating others to be one within it

To breathe in and make themselves a part of it.

Journeying forward and enhancing the world,

Bringing forth a new sense of joy, life, love and peace

Ushering in a new thought process and level of being.

A thing of greatness, beauty. A thing unlike no other the world has ever seen.

All within the confines of my mind, aching to make it's escape.

Feb 4/2015 KMC

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Welcome 2015... What the fresh hell?? DO OVER!!!

To say that the tail end of 2014 sucked and the beginning of 2015 started out of the gate with a lame ass stumble barrel roll would be an understatement. One of my kids almost getting hit buy car, Cats ditching at least two lives by getting nudged by a car (both kid and cat survived... not the same car... two separate days). COUNTLESS other acts of random, out of the blue surprises and accidents. It was crazy. New Years Day evening even found me in the hospital with a DIFFERENT child of mine. By yesterday (the 2nd) I was demanding a do over.

So now, after a few evenings of reflection and calm and collected relaxation -- things seemed to have calmed down and be more even keeled. I've been dreaming very surreal, in depth, full on saga like dreams since the new year as well. Very detailed and honestly, would make brilliant novels or movies/mini series. I hope they continue, I have felt very well rested after these dreams. So that's good (at least for me) as well.

I have many hopes for this year. First and foremost being that I'd like to find and buy a new house and move. I'm hoping by the middle of the summer at the latest if not sooner. I'm uncertain as to where but I don't think it will be too terribly far from where I am now. I'm not sure I'm going to continue working where I am, but if I do -- it will be out of choice, not requirement. I just want to be able to redecorate and paint if I choose to. Where I am now; because we rent; while I COULD paint...I would have to put it back when I moved out. Plus we have carpet (which I hate!) and would love to put down laminate or hard wood, but again...cannot.

Anyway dear readers, I hope 2015 finds you well... and brings to you many blessings, lots of white light and oodles of luck. I will endevour to write more than I have, but make no promises.

As always

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Work, work, work....it's a gas, gas, gas

I'm at work. It is busy tonight. Gas is finally almost under a dollar a litre and it's Christmas Time to boot. So of course...it is BUSY. People are rammy and rude. Short tempered and ignorant. Brain dead stupid. The following happened this evening. I watched it happen. But was so dumbstruck by what I witnessed, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

A lady (a regular) out on the farthest pump lifted the nozzle and instered it into her tank. Before I could get on the intercom, she realized it was pay at the pump, I thought she had forgotten the card in the car and watched her go to the drivers side. I stopped watching at that moment and served a customer inside. Then I realized a moment later, she was about to pull away, that she wasn't searching in her car for a card and watched her pull away....yanking the still attached hose OUT OF THE PUMP.

It snapped at the emergency knuckle, hit the pump with a loud bang, hit the ground, bounced and wigged around hitting the back of her car -- and then dragged behind her while she parked. She then came in, clearly pissed off with herself, clerly embarassed (she did just do the walk of shame past seven other customers as well as myself, all who had witnessed her stupidity) asking me what I wanted done with the hose. My first thought of course "Bend over sweetheart" never left my lips I'm proud to say... instead I mumbled "Just put it back for now". She took an out of order back with her. Did the walk of shame back to the pump, placing everything back in it's place (almost) and walked away.

I couldn't help but laugh. Even if I hadn't witnessed it myself and someone told me about it, I still would have laughed. It's almost like a scene out of some comedy movie come to life. I feel badly for the lady, I'm sure she felt like a moron. But I couldn't help but laugh just the same.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Friendship or lack there of: Revisited

Friendships are a strange thing aren't they? Sometimes you think a friend will be there forever, take a bullet for you, womb to tomb, birth to earth sort of deal. And then there are those who; like ships; just randomly sail off into the distance without any fanfare and then the friendship is over. Then there are those, those who you think will be around forever, but abruptly, for no reason whatsoever, leave. The ones that are left making you scratch your head thinking... "What the fairy fuck happened?".

I've come to the conclusion that some people are just better off out of your life. You think at the time, you can never imagine that to be...but then that veil lifts; that veil that you have on all your friends that forgives their little annoyances that piss other people off; and it all becomes clear. You see what other people see, and you think to yourself -- wow...was I really that blind to not see this? Where they always this way? And if you think back, you can see it. But you were friends, and therefore it was a forgivable thing. Tolerated, accepted. That can be a hard pill to swallow at first. Believe me, I know. But, once the smoke clears and the tears stop, you start to see people in a whole different light. You start to see what other people see about them that makes them not exactly the person you saw them as before. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes that's a bad thing.

And then there's those who end a friendship and you see them say stupid things that are said just to piss you off. School yard things, chicken shit things that they would never say to your face. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for things we shared, did, saw and the laughs and tears we shared. But lately, the little digs and comments you're saying to our mutual friends just really piss me off, I can see the game you're playing and I'm not going to play into it. You wanted things this way, and now they are.

I'm sorry you're not the person you think you should be. I'm sorry that; clearly; you're a very unhappy person mired down with such self loathing and doubt. I tried to be as encouraging as I could be, but you'd rather wallow in your self hatred all the while professing that you just want peace and serenity - which is a farce since you can't have those things if you don't love yourself, and there's nothing I can do about that. That's all on you. And believe it or not, I do feel sorry for you, maybe I shouldn't after EVERYTHING you've said I've done -- or haven't done I guess is more apropos. And again, I'm not saying I was completely innocent in the demise of this relationship. But, I surely don't hold sole responsibility, it takes two to tango. Maybe I should hate myself like you do yourself...but sorry, that's not going to happen either. And maybe this is me being immature, spiteful, and going all school yard by posting this. But hey, you always did encourage me to write. So there you are.

And mostly I'm sorry to you, my readers who have to read my own personal therapy on this matter. But writing things out helps me process my emotions. Right now, I'm angry. Very angry. I've gone through the loss of the friendship, the sadness...and now, every time I see this person say things on Facebook I just want to punch them in the face. SO not me. So, in a therapeutic move for myself, I just bit the bullet (as I was writing this)...pulled the trigger and did it, she's now blocked, I can no longer see anything she posts. I did it not because I don't want to be reminded of her, but because I need to let go of this absolute rage I feel when I see posts she makes that come off as passive-aggressive, snide and condescending and directed towards me. Maybe they're not, and I'm imagining things...but I won't let go of this anger until I do away with the root cause. Maybe I'll unblock her someday, but today will not be that day.

Love one another, and love yourself. You're worth it. And so am I.

Live your best life, love, and be happy.


One Last Glimpse,

~K

Where ya been???

I know... I know... bad blogger... let's move on. What's new!

So much has happend since we spoke last. A dear friend of mine and my husband's after 20 years of living out west has moved back home, and in with us. I've missed him dearly. And yes, we moved around a lot too with Alan being in the military, but to have him here now is just fantastic.

Robin Williams killed himself, which traumatized me to my core. I had enjoyed his work since I was about 7 or 8 and followed his highs and lows right through most of my life. It is a tragic loss that he is gone, and I still have as of yet to watch any of his movies or interviews. 

Most recently a very long time friend of mine decided she no longer wanted to be friends. To be honest, I'm still sort of reeling about this when I stop to think about it. I feel her reasons behind "unfriending" me were completely school yard and infintile. She called our friendship "a farce" which was more than a little harsh and to be honest I suspect said to hurt me more than anything. I honestly believe it was out of sheer jealousy of other friendships I have. Instead of talking it out like a mature adult, she elected to unfriend me on Facebook and not tell me. She waited (I'm certain) to see if I would notice. Clearly, I did. I'm willing to accept my fault and failure in the demise of our friendship, but I refuse to accept her part. That onus is on her, not me. Although I was surprised at how many people came forth after the fact and have either said "I never really did like her...We only put up with her because of you" or "I never understood your friendship you are such an up person, and she is just... not".  Does this mean I wish her ill will? Of course not. We were friends for many years. This isn't the first time our friendship has come to an end, it's actually the third and likely the last. I will miss her, and her beautiful family... but it is out of my hands and beyond my control. I don't want her to be in a friendship with me if she honestly believes she isn't welcome or her friendship isn't wanted (completely untrue). But in the end, it her her choice, and I wish her well.

On a COMPLETELY different school of thought...

I had two distinct dreams last night. Both so completely vivid and real that I have been borderline obsessed with the details all day. The sights, sounds and even textures surrounding me. I find; more often than not; that I live for these sort of dreams. And I try to remember as much of the dream as possible. Faces, voices, surroundings. Are they past lives? Buried memories? I don't know. Whatever the case, I find them fascinating.

In the first one I can remember that I was in a long, almost mint green dress with white bibbing. The dress was heavy, weighted, it had a texture I can still feel under my fingertips even now that I'm awake. And for some reason, I was standing on a balcony with a shot gun at the ready. I had it lifted, aimed and even fired off a couple of shots which hit their mark with deadly accuracy. It was dark out, raining. But I'm uncertain if it was dark out because it was twilight or if it was dark out because of the rain, or a bit of both. I wasn't alone. There was someone with me, a man, whom I have no idea who it was with any certainty. I have my suspicions but without recalling a face or a definitive voice, I have nothing. I do recall a discussion about me steadying my shot. But again, I don't recall a definitive voice that I can lean back on to help me remember.

The second one wasn't so much about me per se, but seeing an object that has me fixated to the point of “Googling” is just off the wall... even for me. I dreampt I was in a house (not mine, nor anyone that I have been in – not in this life time anyway as far as I can recall). And against an entrance wall there was a small settee. I can remember it was gold painted with spindle legs with black contour painted in the gold filigree. The cushion was a muted aquamarine blue with gold pattern on it. Scroll and fleur de lis comes to mind, although I'm not 100% certain on that – I suspect it is correct. It was a small understated piece and yet, I was fixated and still am. I know I was knelt down at one point in front of it, staring at it like it was an old friend. I had that much of a connection with this piece of furniture. Like it was mine, or had been. I know I was glad to see it still kicking around and pleased it hadn't been gotten rid of.... even though it wasn't mine. I can remember asking “Where did this come from?” as I dragged my fingertips over the wood. “I've seen it before” I can remember saying as well. Although I know my waking self, has not. I can recall being asked “Are you just going to fawn over that all day, or are you coming?”. I replied “I'm coming...” But I have no recollection where I was going to. Was it the fleur de lis pattern on it that had me fixated or something else? I'm really not sure.

Anyway kids, there you have it. That's about all that's new with me worth a mention. I am well, I hope you are too going into this festivus season. Stay warm, stay safe... until next time...

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Dreaming in technicolour

My dream started off normal. I was at my Dad's house, looking to speak with him rather urgently (for reasons I don't recall now). I remember exiting out the front door and walking down my Dad's front steps (which is where my Dad's front yard changed). He was standing over a long bodied car of some sort, which was supposedly an older car (50's or 60s) but I don't recall it having any roof or doors or any opening at all to actually get into the car. It was like it was this long, dark forest green body....with no way to get into the car. It was odd. ANYWAY, he had a paint scraper in his hand and was scraping off the shiny coat off the car “getting it ready to be repainted”.

I remember looking up to the sky and seeing many (50?) air craft carriers but with a curved bottom like zeppelins. One was crashing into the ground and we all started to run away.

The next thing I can remember I am walking inside the boat... but I got the feeling I wasn't really supposed to be there? But I'm not sure why. At this point it changes and I'm now a reporter (maybe that's why I wasn't supposed to be there?) And I'm speaking to a very young Nick Rhodes, Simon Le Bon, John Taylor and Roger Taylor. Nick informs me that he's just married Yasmin (???) although he pronounces her name as “Yazmeeean”. I ask to see a picture of his wife, and he hands me a 5x7 of JulieAnne – I recognize the fact that it is Jewels, but say nothing. During this interview Nick disappears (when I turned away from him) and the guys say he had to go catch a flight.

I leave there, and go outside and I'm walking in a townhouse community. I see a private jet at the end of one of the rowhouses and I see Nick get off the plane. It is winter, and I am cold. I run around the side of this rowhouse and I call out to him. He looks up, smiles and waves at me as he walks towards me although I suddenly get the feeling that we have never met. I remember being quite nervous and saying “I have something for you”. Although I had NOTHING in my hands. I remember reaching into my pocket and pulling out a lipstick, eyeliner and mascara and saying “These are from Theresa and me”. Who the hell Theresa is, I have NO idea. He smiles and thanks me appreciatively, we walk along together. We enter a townhouse door and now I am back in/on the aircraft carrier and Nick is gone.

I walk up to a cabin that has the door open and my friend Amber is in there with Simon and two other people I don't know. She is talking about some song she has heard on the radio recently but doesn't know who it is who sings it. She thinks it's a duet, but isn't sure about that either. Simon says he's not sure, but asks her if she could sing or hum some of it. I remember exclaiming “Noooooo” from the doorway (Amber is horribly tone deaf – love her dearly though I do) but starts singing and humming at the top of her lungs. I am laughing my ass off (right along with her) as I stand in the door. Simon grins HUGELY at her lack of ability and keeps encouraging her to continue with the singing and humming of the song to the point of all three of us laughing to the point of tears as the more she laughs the worse her rendition of the song is. Until finally she hits a completely bum note and Simon (through tears of laughter) exclaims “I KNOW THE SONG!” And rambles off the title and singers of the horribly butchered song, to peels of hysterical laughter. I remember thinking how the hell could he tell what song it was between the tone deaf and the laughter???

The next thing I recall I'm in an elevator with SLB (and someone else – but I'm not 100% sure who). I can remember us going up and then sideways quite suddenly and myself and whoever I was with slamming into Simon. I recall being embarassed (he caught me) and managing a "I'm sorry". Although, I have to admit, he didn't seem to mind.  So here's this old fashioned elevator and we're still in the aircraft carrier... moving sideways and we're going “up on deck”. I remember saying to Simon “I don't think I belong there...”. He assured me as long as I stick close, I will be fine. I remember the door opening up, stepping out into the open, seeing people wandering around in Victorian clothing and feeling a breeze on my face and that's where I woke up.

I often have strange dreams, last night was no different... but it was fun and funny.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

PS. I know I've been a bad blogger and not blogged as often as I should or could. And I am sorry for that. Real life comes up (as it does for us all). I will try to do this more often, but can't make absolute promises.

Lesbians and the cost of gas: a political debate

I'm really sort of chapped at the moment. I just had a gentleman in; who was older; and we got talking about the price of gas - it's always a common topic in my line of work - and where we thought the prices were going to go. Well, of course they're going to go up, those days of filling up for 20$ are long gone.

So, there we are and the price of gas on the rise topic comes around to the recent election that just came to pass. Suddenly he starts blaming "The gays" that voted for "that woman...."  "because she's a lesbian you know... " and "they vote for their own kind". I immediately saw red.

Now...I'm not a lesbian - but I have MANY family and friends who are of the GLBT community. And I stand behind their way of life 100%. I always have. It's just the way I was raised. And I understand that some people aren't perhaps as enlightened (If you will) in the ways of the gay. And I get that... But what the hell does one have to do with the other? What does the price of gas have to do with if a lesbian won or not?

I didn't vote. I know some of you are like "WHAT???!" Truth be told, I only have ever voted once in my life, so I really can't bitch or complain about who gets into power (and I rarely do). But what pissed me off was that he blamed "The gays" for this woman for winning (CLEARLY NOT who he wanted to win). Honestly, I don't know what this woman's politics are, but I DO know -- her sexual orientation has little or nothing to do with it. We HAVE gay rights here in Canada, so that's not even a platform or issue.

I know a lot of people are pissed off that this woman wants to put a tax on the gas, and I can get behind that. Gas is costly enough as it is - do we REALLY need to tax it higher? It's my understanding her reasoning is to do something having to do with the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission). Well, if it's not going to benefit us ALL - how is that fair? Notice in that statement I never ONCE brought up that she was a lesbian??? Yea, me either.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Gasbar Glamazon - It's on like Donkey Kong biatch!!

We're coming into a long weekend here in Canada. May "24" weekend formally known as "Victoria Day weekend". It's a weekend essentially for partying, usually the first serious camping weekend of the year with fireworks, BBQ's and just generally having fun with family and friends.

Currently, the price of gas is down -- WAY DOWN -- from what it has been as of late. However, with the long holiday weekend coming up, prices will undoubtedly rise. They always do. It is just the nature of the beast.

Yesterday and today things have been hectic, chaotic and otherwise insane. Yesterday however it was later in the afternoon, today however -- I pulled up to sheer lunacy. Cars lined up in both direction, 3 deep at least and all in a foul mood.

While I was sitting in the car; canoodling with my husband; (okay not REALLY canoodling with Alan... but I've always wanted to use that in a sentence) I could see my co-worker standing outside. I was perplexed as to why she was standing outside in amidst all the cars staring and watching something. I didn't know why. It wasn't until I got in that I found out exactly why -- a woman had cut a gentleman else off, and when the gentleman went to confront the woman, she threw him up on the hood of her car!! In the four years I have worked at this establishment, I have never seen physical violence between two people. Yelling, screaming and finger gestures yes... but NEVER actual physical violence. I was shocked. Especially since (keeping in mind) the area I work in has always been regarded as a pretty "high brow" area of the city. Apparently they're not above a bit of a throw down at the gas station! How gangsta of them!

I've never understood the rage over the gas. The price isn't going to change, and we're not going to run out of gas... and we're not about to raise it 40cents the moment "you" pull up. So just sit back, chillax and listen to some music while you wait. Patiently.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Glamazon: Reloaded

The gas bar glamazon is back! Yes dear readers...that's right, it's time for another installment. It's been a while since we...ya know... listened to me whine about my work, so I figure it's about time. Grab a bevvy, pop yer feets up and we'll have a chitty chat.

Ready? Well let's begin...

Ahhh work. The place where often I elevate my boredom by writing. A place where idiots congregate and get their gas. A place where, while I shouldn't be surprised at this stage in the game how stupid most people are, sometimes a few can sneak on past me and still shock me.

My boss has taken over another site, and so she's extra busy lately... which is fine. She asked me if I would be willing to take on more shifts (also fine). But yesterday and today, stupidity has run rampant. I'm not sure if it's something in the air, water, lack of sunshine, lack of heat or someone has been swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool again. But holy, crickey the stupid questions.... and sheer stupidity of people boggle the mind.

People asking for example if we take cash (because that's all we have). I felt like saying 'No, they've banned us from taking cash'. Seriously? Does this even deserve or require an answer??? OF COURSE we take cash. Oh and “I heard the price of gas was going up XXX.” Now...had you people stopped and LISTENED to the actual news cast you were watching/listening to... you would have heard that it wasn't happening HERE but in TORONTO. But no, like the idiot you are...you decided to panic and rush to your nearest (my) gas station and fill up/top up because you (and the other fools like you) didn't take that half second pause and actually listen to what you were being told. You just heard “gas prices going up” and that was enough for you. Newsflash idiot, it's not going up tomorrow at all. Dumbass.

And FYI, that outside lane is STILL pay at the pump it was 6 months ago (and longer than that)...and likely still will be six months from now. So, you cursing and swearing and being a total tool about “how it wasn't that way the last time you were in” isn't going to change that. It was like that the last time you were in. You're just a dick. It's okay, you can admit it. I've known it for some time now.

Some people I get are real sweethearts though. No, seriously! I know I bitch a lot about the dumbasses. And there are significantly more dumbasses than customers I actually like (unfortunately). And I'm ALWAYS (save once or twice...or six or seven times) very courteous and polite, even when the customer doesn't deserve it. But I often find that my favorite customers come in at just the right time, which is probably why I have stayed as long as I have...that, and of course...the fact that my boss is awesome. I think if she weren't as great as she is, I would have likely left eons ago. 

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Memories of a hero

This is a very personal entry to me. An open letter to a particular person. They'll never read it, but it's my feelings and I want to get them out.

Larger than life, quick with a joke and a smile. Always giving a wink and a playful teasing. As long as you were being teased....you knew you were okay. It's when the teasing and joking stopped you knew you were in it deep. These are the things I remember and treasure most. These are the ways I choose to remember you.

The person you have become, the person you are now is so far from the person I know you to be. And it eats me up inside to know that you're trapped and unable to help yourself and knowing that there's nothing you can do and nothing we can do to help you.

Nat is guilt ridden. She shouldn't be...but is. She has stood by and defended you every inch of the way like any daughter should, but has also called you out on things when you should have been...such as any one (including yourself) would do. Such a beautiful, proud woman you've raised. A beautiful mixture of you and Mom. I know you're proud of her. I am too. And of the man Nat married and your beautiful grand-daughter. I see a lot of you in all three of them. The pride, the strength and the wicked sense of humor.

I can remember when I was first starting to come over when Nat and I first met. Never had I ever felt so at home, and so welcome in a friend's house. I felt like I belonged and like I was one of your own. And, with all the time I came to stay over, I'm sure it seemed like I practically lived there at times and I'm sure it felt like it. Never once did you ever treat me like an outsider. Not once. And that is something I can never thank you enough for.

But now, what's left of the man I once knew is slowly fading away. Wracked with an evil disease that will; at some point; consume you. I wish, like everyone that I could take that away from you. Save you. Rescue you. And while you may not know we are here with you in mind, spirit and body... we are.

I hope you know though, that you have been and always will be, loved. Not just by your family, but by those you have touched with your heart, your smile and your wisdom. I don't profess you to be perfect. No one is. But I always looked up to you. You were a hero to many and always will be a hero of mine. And I thank you for the impact you have had on me and my life.

"Love you as much as never". Always.

~K

Ramblings while at work

Another Saturday night at work. CLEARLY, I'm swamped. The Ides of March have almost left us, making way for the April showers bringing May flowers. I'm over the winter. Bring on the warmer weather says I. Of course by end of June I'll be bitching it's too hot...but, for now... bring it on!

Still nothing on the house hunting front. We're still in one gigantic holding pattern. We've got this property we like, but until we get Alan's income tax return back... we're at a stalemate. Which sucks. In the meanwhile I'm burning up the lines on Pinterest. (If you get my pinterest spam -- I'm sorry, I make no apologies...but you have been warned!) And buying redecorating mags like they're going out of style! I'm addicted! Addicted I tell you!!! Maybe I was a decorator in a past life. LOL Who knows.

I awoke this morning annoyed. Annoyed with myself because of a dream I had. I dreampt I was speaking with my Father, not an uncommon occurrence...I usually speak with him every couple of weeks or so either via email or phone...and I usually dream of him every few months. I don't recall what precipitated the argument or discussion we were having, but I do know that I felt very intensely about something (either for or against...I don't recall now) and my Dad essentially said I was exaggerating and embellishing and essentially fell short of saying I was lying about whatever it was we were discussing. I LOST it. I started yelling at my Dad, now completely angry...and YELLING at my Dad. Something I have only EVER done ONCE in my 40plus years in this life. And we were on the phone. And I hung up on him. The thing of it was, he was in the wrong and he did recognize that fact when we spoke later that day. I actually called him back to apologize for yelling and he actually told me I was in the right. I wish I had recorded that conversation for posterity! HAHA!

 Anyway, I woke up this morning annoyed with myself. Annoyed for yelling at my Dad. In a dream. Something that hadn't actually occurred. I suppose it's because my Dad isn't getting any younger, and I'm watching one of my dearest friends slowly lose her Father...and I keep thinking...that could just as easily be my Dad. It isn't...but it could be. (I'm not going to get into that conversation as it is one for another blog entry all on it's own. Too many emotions wrapped up there). I guess I'm annoyed with myself (or was) because every moment is sacred and should be treated as such, every moment is equally as fleeting. Savor them. I feel the need to call and apologize for something that didn't happen. That need to reach out and be reached back at.

Know what I mean?

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Holy shit end of March: Babbling, Catching up and Loft Conversion possibilities.

I have no idea where March has gone. It seems to have flown past. I wish winter could take a hint from March and get lost. But unfortunately "Winter Marches on." and continues to lag about and linger on. hahaha I kill me....(sorry kids...only Duranie's will get that joke without explination. "Winter Marches On" is a song of theirs).

ANYHOO! So yes, end of March is almost upon us...winter is still hanging on out there and I've had about all I can take. The cold and the snow can go piss off and take a hike. I want the warmth and the sunshine already!!!!

You're probably thinking that I've neglected you. Again. Truth be told I haven't. I have a few blog entries here, saved as drafts. One in particular I'm just not ready to post yet. There's a heartbreaking situation going on with my nearest and dearest. I've written words, I've said silent prayers, I've written my feelings out here...saved in a draft...that I'm just not ready to post yet. It's a goodbye of sorts to someone that I'm not ready to say goodbye to yet. I will, eventually post it. I'm just not there yet. Ya know?

On a more positive bend...we're starting to look at properties again. We went to look at one lovely ranch home. Quite large...only a few things I'd want to change. Put my mark on. It's lovely. Then there is a red brick 2.5 story home that while I haven't looked at more than just online, it's quite lovely as well. There was a fire a few years ago and EVERYTHING has been redone. It's fantastic.

And then... there is "the conversion"...

There is a property on the main drag of a nearby city (where the rest of the properties are that we have looked at or are interested in). That has two store fronts as well as the space (2 floors) above them. It was built in the late 1800s so it's warehouse style/exposed brick 14 foot ceilings kind of awesome. But there is a LOT of work that would have to be done to one portion of the space as it has been woefully neglected since 1960something. Some of it is elbow grease...some would have to be ripped back to the bones and redone.

Honestly, I'm in love with this place - or the idea of what it could be. The task is daunting. There's no doubt. There's work I could do and work I couldn't. Work Alan could do, and work he couldn't. I can't climb a ladder for example. I just can't. I have an innate fear of ladders for someI'd have to get someone else in to do it. And that's where I am seeing dollar signs and what is making me sort of drag my feet and recoil backwards.

I would have no qualms with having a very basic kitchen for quite some time as long as it functions and is stable and not going to fall apart.

I guess the biggest thing before I get too many lofty (haha) ideas is to get a mortgage and get the place inspected. I'm not going to buy it if it is unstable, or if it is full of asbestos. CLEARLY. But honestly it's hard to guage some of the space because the person who owns it has it floor to tits FULL of stuff. Shelves and shelves of junk. And (just so you get an idea) the living space alone is 7700+square feet. Insanity. But for all the junk, for all the crap....I didn't see a single bug, rodent and minimal water damage. Just crap and junk.

For many years Alan and I have talked about a loft conversion appartment. I suppose even with the daunting task of what this entails is why I'm so excited about the possibility of it. I'm not going to lie, this could be awesome. I know it's going to be a long road and I know it's going to be expensive. But honestly I was thinking about it.... we're not in an all fired hurry to get to where we want to eventually be. There are priorities no doubt. We'll have to work through them. Carefully. Slowly.

I'm excited with the idea of being in our own home again. Will I be dissapointed if we don't end up in the loft conversion? Yes. But honestly, I'm just looking forward to moving. Currently we rent. And I hate it. I like the place we live, it's nice enough. Although I can't really DO anything to make it mine...if I painted it, I'd have to repaint it back when I left.

Whatever happens, happens I guess.

And then yesterday we went to see a 3D ultrasound of my niece. I can tell you, with quite a bit of pride and a WHOLE lot of bias that she is GORGEOUS. I can hardly wait until she is born. Super excited!!!!!!!!!!!

So much coming up in the next little bit that's positive -- loads of possibilities. I'll try to keep you posted!

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Poetry time

Cleverly disguised, but eternally recognizable to The One
Muses inspire and rejoice
Learned through eons of expression and love
Their warmth and their beauty. Divine.
 
Safety, security, serenity
To be cherished and finally believed as the truth
Until time, the universe and the stars stand still
Never to forget, two halves of the same whole.



One Last Glimpse,

~K

Unsolicited advice and belly touching: A Rant

This topic just came up on my sister in law Mary's wall on Facebook and it's got me more than a little hot under the collar. First, a little background, Mary is pregnant....and has anxiety issues. It's no secret, she's not shy about this fact about her - so no, I don't think she'd mind me mentioning it here.

It came up on her wall the last couple of days that people have been randomly touching her belly, and giving her unsolicited advice. She IS pregnant, and for whatever reason it's "what people do" when women are pregnant. I have as of yet to figure out WHY people feel compelled to do this. It's not like Mary's the first person to ever have a baby, and it's not like she'll be the last....and yet, people continually do this. Even to random strangers!! (OH HELL NO!) In any event, someone on her wall got upset by this and said that they felt that the entire topic was "stupid". I wrote a response on her wall, but censored myself to some degree....

These are my thoughts on the subject....

Like I said, recently people have randomly been taking to putting her hand on her belly or giving her unsolicited advice on how to raise her child (who isn't even born yet). Let me just say this, if you want to raise a child....have one. It's one thing for someone to ASK for advice but a completely different ball of wax to get the unwanted, unsolicited advice given to you. And then these same people get pissed off when you don't take their advice, like it's gospel or something. Not to mention that every child DIFFERENT...I want to be learning from my OWN mistakes not repeat yours. If you want to use your 'sage wisdom' that you've learned... have another damn kid of your OWN.  But until the time comes where I (or she) asks for advice.... BUTT THE FUCK OUT AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

As for the whole belly touching thing...fuck off with that too. I can recall some random stranger did that to me and I slapped their hand. Like seriously? Piss off. Maybe if people asked, it wouldn't feel quite so intrusive. But to have some random stranger or people you don't like come up and put their hand on your belly...no. It's something completely different to have a friend or a family member (that you like) put their hand on your belly. It's done with affection. But to have people you don't like, or don't even know do it? It's an invasion. See the difference??? Now would I slap a child's hand? Of course not, don't be daft. IT'S A CHILD. But if it was MY child running up to touch some random person's belly, I think I would quickly inform my child that not EVERYONE likes that. ***For the record, I realize some people enjoy the belly touching - and that's FIIIINE. If that's your thing. I just could never get past people I randomly don't even know touching me, or people I don't like!***

And then finally....to have someone say a topic that you've brought up on your own Facebook wall is stupid? Then why comment on it if you think it's so stupid??? See here's the TRUTH behind the whole "this topic is so stupid".... You don't think the TOPIC is stupid, you think because the person's opinion differs from yours, that it's a stupid topic.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and like an asshole, everyone has one. But when it comes to how someone else's child is raised, or if or not someone's body is touched, or what can and can't be written on their own Facebook wall.... isn't that up to the person in charge?? And if it ain't you that has had the morning sickness, can't see their own feet, or who's name is on the wall...who the hell are you to say what can and can't be said or done?

One Last Glimpse,

~K