The end of the road....

So, I've given my notice. Final. No takesies backsies. I'm just tired of the assholes that come through here thinking that I'm worse than a piece of shit on the bottom of their shoe. The rudeness of some people because either they feel entitled to behave in such a manner, or they feel that somehow it's MY fault the price of gas is the way it is. Yes, it's a closely guarded secret that I have some evil monopoly over the price of gas and while you suckers are paying 1.05$ per litre, secretly I'm only paying .50cents. Morons. I'm going to miss the shit out of  my boss when I leave though. That's the one major downside.

I've been sick the last 2 days. Just with a cold, nothing major - it's not like it's ebola or anything, but it's seriously been kicking my ass. And of course, I'm working. I tell you this shit is like clockwork, it never fails. Oh well, at least I don't have my period... that was LAST weekend and a shit show all on its own. (Don't even get me started!)

We still haven't bought a house yet, although we've decided we're doing it this year. At least, that's the plan. I've seen a few that I like, I seem to be drawn to the large victorian style homes. Neither of the two that are my favourites at the moment are here in London, both are in different cities or towns. Which is fine as well as far as I'm concerned. Anyone I want or need to go see is still travelable by car. And of course, Alan loves the victorian style homes too. I think what I like most about them is the high ceilings. I never feel clostrophobic in them, they always bring me a sense of relief. So we'll see where we go from here. Who knows where we might end up. I know where I DON'T want to be, and I know what I'm looking for. Now we just play the waiting game and see what we can find.

My friend who had moved here from out west moved back to Vancouver. He wasn't happy here. I can respect that. In my opinion he didn't even try to make himself happy here, and by his own admission told people before he even left there that he would be back - so I'm not sure what the point of him moving here was for anyway. But, that's fine. I just want him to be happy. And if he's happier out west, so be it. I'm certainly not about to make you stay if you're unhappy.

I'm not any closer to finishing my book, nor have I painted in a dogs age. I'm hoping with the nicer weather coming that inspiration will strike and all that will be a thing of the past. Time to shake off the winter blahs and cobwebs and strike out of the cocoon.

One Last Glimpse,



~K

Poem time...

I have a creative buzz lingering just beneath the skin

I can feel it buzzing, itching, yearning to scratch it's way to the surface

Itching, twitching, needing to break through and be free

Of the confines of my mind.

To have it's own voice, tell it's own story, soliloquy and grand solo

Be enraptured in its own being

Captivating others to be one within it

To breathe in and make themselves a part of it.

Journeying forward and enhancing the world,

Bringing forth a new sense of joy, life, love and peace

Ushering in a new thought process and level of being.

A thing of greatness, beauty. A thing unlike no other the world has ever seen.

All within the confines of my mind, aching to make it's escape.

Feb 4/2015 KMC

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Welcome 2015... What the fresh hell?? DO OVER!!!

To say that the tail end of 2014 sucked and the beginning of 2015 started out of the gate with a lame ass stumble barrel roll would be an understatement. One of my kids almost getting hit buy car, Cats ditching at least two lives by getting nudged by a car (both kid and cat survived... not the same car... two separate days). COUNTLESS other acts of random, out of the blue surprises and accidents. It was crazy. New Years Day evening even found me in the hospital with a DIFFERENT child of mine. By yesterday (the 2nd) I was demanding a do over.

So now, after a few evenings of reflection and calm and collected relaxation -- things seemed to have calmed down and be more even keeled. I've been dreaming very surreal, in depth, full on saga like dreams since the new year as well. Very detailed and honestly, would make brilliant novels or movies/mini series. I hope they continue, I have felt very well rested after these dreams. So that's good (at least for me) as well.

I have many hopes for this year. First and foremost being that I'd like to find and buy a new house and move. I'm hoping by the middle of the summer at the latest if not sooner. I'm uncertain as to where but I don't think it will be too terribly far from where I am now. I'm not sure I'm going to continue working where I am, but if I do -- it will be out of choice, not requirement. I just want to be able to redecorate and paint if I choose to. Where I am now; because we rent; while I COULD paint...I would have to put it back when I moved out. Plus we have carpet (which I hate!) and would love to put down laminate or hard wood, but again...cannot.

Anyway dear readers, I hope 2015 finds you well... and brings to you many blessings, lots of white light and oodles of luck. I will endevour to write more than I have, but make no promises.

As always

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Work, work, work....it's a gas, gas, gas

I'm at work. It is busy tonight. Gas is finally almost under a dollar a litre and it's Christmas Time to boot. So of course...it is BUSY. People are rammy and rude. Short tempered and ignorant. Brain dead stupid. The following happened this evening. I watched it happen. But was so dumbstruck by what I witnessed, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

A lady (a regular) out on the farthest pump lifted the nozzle and instered it into her tank. Before I could get on the intercom, she realized it was pay at the pump, I thought she had forgotten the card in the car and watched her go to the drivers side. I stopped watching at that moment and served a customer inside. Then I realized a moment later, she was about to pull away, that she wasn't searching in her car for a card and watched her pull away....yanking the still attached hose OUT OF THE PUMP.

It snapped at the emergency knuckle, hit the pump with a loud bang, hit the ground, bounced and wigged around hitting the back of her car -- and then dragged behind her while she parked. She then came in, clearly pissed off with herself, clerly embarassed (she did just do the walk of shame past seven other customers as well as myself, all who had witnessed her stupidity) asking me what I wanted done with the hose. My first thought of course "Bend over sweetheart" never left my lips I'm proud to say... instead I mumbled "Just put it back for now". She took an out of order back with her. Did the walk of shame back to the pump, placing everything back in it's place (almost) and walked away.

I couldn't help but laugh. Even if I hadn't witnessed it myself and someone told me about it, I still would have laughed. It's almost like a scene out of some comedy movie come to life. I feel badly for the lady, I'm sure she felt like a moron. But I couldn't help but laugh just the same.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Friendship or lack there of: Revisited

Friendships are a strange thing aren't they? Sometimes you think a friend will be there forever, take a bullet for you, womb to tomb, birth to earth sort of deal. And then there are those who; like ships; just randomly sail off into the distance without any fanfare and then the friendship is over. Then there are those, those who you think will be around forever, but abruptly, for no reason whatsoever, leave. The ones that are left making you scratch your head thinking... "What the fairy fuck happened?".

I've come to the conclusion that some people are just better off out of your life. You think at the time, you can never imagine that to be...but then that veil lifts; that veil that you have on all your friends that forgives their little annoyances that piss other people off; and it all becomes clear. You see what other people see, and you think to yourself -- wow...was I really that blind to not see this? Where they always this way? And if you think back, you can see it. But you were friends, and therefore it was a forgivable thing. Tolerated, accepted. That can be a hard pill to swallow at first. Believe me, I know. But, once the smoke clears and the tears stop, you start to see people in a whole different light. You start to see what other people see about them that makes them not exactly the person you saw them as before. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes that's a bad thing.

And then there's those who end a friendship and you see them say stupid things that are said just to piss you off. School yard things, chicken shit things that they would never say to your face. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for things we shared, did, saw and the laughs and tears we shared. But lately, the little digs and comments you're saying to our mutual friends just really piss me off, I can see the game you're playing and I'm not going to play into it. You wanted things this way, and now they are.

I'm sorry you're not the person you think you should be. I'm sorry that; clearly; you're a very unhappy person mired down with such self loathing and doubt. I tried to be as encouraging as I could be, but you'd rather wallow in your self hatred all the while professing that you just want peace and serenity - which is a farce since you can't have those things if you don't love yourself, and there's nothing I can do about that. That's all on you. And believe it or not, I do feel sorry for you, maybe I shouldn't after EVERYTHING you've said I've done -- or haven't done I guess is more apropos. And again, I'm not saying I was completely innocent in the demise of this relationship. But, I surely don't hold sole responsibility, it takes two to tango. Maybe I should hate myself like you do yourself...but sorry, that's not going to happen either. And maybe this is me being immature, spiteful, and going all school yard by posting this. But hey, you always did encourage me to write. So there you are.

And mostly I'm sorry to you, my readers who have to read my own personal therapy on this matter. But writing things out helps me process my emotions. Right now, I'm angry. Very angry. I've gone through the loss of the friendship, the sadness...and now, every time I see this person say things on Facebook I just want to punch them in the face. SO not me. So, in a therapeutic move for myself, I just bit the bullet (as I was writing this)...pulled the trigger and did it, she's now blocked, I can no longer see anything she posts. I did it not because I don't want to be reminded of her, but because I need to let go of this absolute rage I feel when I see posts she makes that come off as passive-aggressive, snide and condescending and directed towards me. Maybe they're not, and I'm imagining things...but I won't let go of this anger until I do away with the root cause. Maybe I'll unblock her someday, but today will not be that day.

Love one another, and love yourself. You're worth it. And so am I.

Live your best life, love, and be happy.


One Last Glimpse,

~K

Where ya been???

I know... I know... bad blogger... let's move on. What's new!

So much has happend since we spoke last. A dear friend of mine and my husband's after 20 years of living out west has moved back home, and in with us. I've missed him dearly. And yes, we moved around a lot too with Alan being in the military, but to have him here now is just fantastic.

Robin Williams killed himself, which traumatized me to my core. I had enjoyed his work since I was about 7 or 8 and followed his highs and lows right through most of my life. It is a tragic loss that he is gone, and I still have as of yet to watch any of his movies or interviews. 

Most recently a very long time friend of mine decided she no longer wanted to be friends. To be honest, I'm still sort of reeling about this when I stop to think about it. I feel her reasons behind "unfriending" me were completely school yard and infintile. She called our friendship "a farce" which was more than a little harsh and to be honest I suspect said to hurt me more than anything. I honestly believe it was out of sheer jealousy of other friendships I have. Instead of talking it out like a mature adult, she elected to unfriend me on Facebook and not tell me. She waited (I'm certain) to see if I would notice. Clearly, I did. I'm willing to accept my fault and failure in the demise of our friendship, but I refuse to accept her part. That onus is on her, not me. Although I was surprised at how many people came forth after the fact and have either said "I never really did like her...We only put up with her because of you" or "I never understood your friendship you are such an up person, and she is just... not".  Does this mean I wish her ill will? Of course not. We were friends for many years. This isn't the first time our friendship has come to an end, it's actually the third and likely the last. I will miss her, and her beautiful family... but it is out of my hands and beyond my control. I don't want her to be in a friendship with me if she honestly believes she isn't welcome or her friendship isn't wanted (completely untrue). But in the end, it her her choice, and I wish her well.

On a COMPLETELY different school of thought...

I had two distinct dreams last night. Both so completely vivid and real that I have been borderline obsessed with the details all day. The sights, sounds and even textures surrounding me. I find; more often than not; that I live for these sort of dreams. And I try to remember as much of the dream as possible. Faces, voices, surroundings. Are they past lives? Buried memories? I don't know. Whatever the case, I find them fascinating.

In the first one I can remember that I was in a long, almost mint green dress with white bibbing. The dress was heavy, weighted, it had a texture I can still feel under my fingertips even now that I'm awake. And for some reason, I was standing on a balcony with a shot gun at the ready. I had it lifted, aimed and even fired off a couple of shots which hit their mark with deadly accuracy. It was dark out, raining. But I'm uncertain if it was dark out because it was twilight or if it was dark out because of the rain, or a bit of both. I wasn't alone. There was someone with me, a man, whom I have no idea who it was with any certainty. I have my suspicions but without recalling a face or a definitive voice, I have nothing. I do recall a discussion about me steadying my shot. But again, I don't recall a definitive voice that I can lean back on to help me remember.

The second one wasn't so much about me per se, but seeing an object that has me fixated to the point of “Googling” is just off the wall... even for me. I dreampt I was in a house (not mine, nor anyone that I have been in – not in this life time anyway as far as I can recall). And against an entrance wall there was a small settee. I can remember it was gold painted with spindle legs with black contour painted in the gold filigree. The cushion was a muted aquamarine blue with gold pattern on it. Scroll and fleur de lis comes to mind, although I'm not 100% certain on that – I suspect it is correct. It was a small understated piece and yet, I was fixated and still am. I know I was knelt down at one point in front of it, staring at it like it was an old friend. I had that much of a connection with this piece of furniture. Like it was mine, or had been. I know I was glad to see it still kicking around and pleased it hadn't been gotten rid of.... even though it wasn't mine. I can remember asking “Where did this come from?” as I dragged my fingertips over the wood. “I've seen it before” I can remember saying as well. Although I know my waking self, has not. I can recall being asked “Are you just going to fawn over that all day, or are you coming?”. I replied “I'm coming...” But I have no recollection where I was going to. Was it the fleur de lis pattern on it that had me fixated or something else? I'm really not sure.

Anyway kids, there you have it. That's about all that's new with me worth a mention. I am well, I hope you are too going into this festivus season. Stay warm, stay safe... until next time...

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Dreaming in technicolour

My dream started off normal. I was at my Dad's house, looking to speak with him rather urgently (for reasons I don't recall now). I remember exiting out the front door and walking down my Dad's front steps (which is where my Dad's front yard changed). He was standing over a long bodied car of some sort, which was supposedly an older car (50's or 60s) but I don't recall it having any roof or doors or any opening at all to actually get into the car. It was like it was this long, dark forest green body....with no way to get into the car. It was odd. ANYWAY, he had a paint scraper in his hand and was scraping off the shiny coat off the car “getting it ready to be repainted”.

I remember looking up to the sky and seeing many (50?) air craft carriers but with a curved bottom like zeppelins. One was crashing into the ground and we all started to run away.

The next thing I can remember I am walking inside the boat... but I got the feeling I wasn't really supposed to be there? But I'm not sure why. At this point it changes and I'm now a reporter (maybe that's why I wasn't supposed to be there?) And I'm speaking to a very young Nick Rhodes, Simon Le Bon, John Taylor and Roger Taylor. Nick informs me that he's just married Yasmin (???) although he pronounces her name as “Yazmeeean”. I ask to see a picture of his wife, and he hands me a 5x7 of JulieAnne – I recognize the fact that it is Jewels, but say nothing. During this interview Nick disappears (when I turned away from him) and the guys say he had to go catch a flight.

I leave there, and go outside and I'm walking in a townhouse community. I see a private jet at the end of one of the rowhouses and I see Nick get off the plane. It is winter, and I am cold. I run around the side of this rowhouse and I call out to him. He looks up, smiles and waves at me as he walks towards me although I suddenly get the feeling that we have never met. I remember being quite nervous and saying “I have something for you”. Although I had NOTHING in my hands. I remember reaching into my pocket and pulling out a lipstick, eyeliner and mascara and saying “These are from Theresa and me”. Who the hell Theresa is, I have NO idea. He smiles and thanks me appreciatively, we walk along together. We enter a townhouse door and now I am back in/on the aircraft carrier and Nick is gone.

I walk up to a cabin that has the door open and my friend Amber is in there with Simon and two other people I don't know. She is talking about some song she has heard on the radio recently but doesn't know who it is who sings it. She thinks it's a duet, but isn't sure about that either. Simon says he's not sure, but asks her if she could sing or hum some of it. I remember exclaiming “Noooooo” from the doorway (Amber is horribly tone deaf – love her dearly though I do) but starts singing and humming at the top of her lungs. I am laughing my ass off (right along with her) as I stand in the door. Simon grins HUGELY at her lack of ability and keeps encouraging her to continue with the singing and humming of the song to the point of all three of us laughing to the point of tears as the more she laughs the worse her rendition of the song is. Until finally she hits a completely bum note and Simon (through tears of laughter) exclaims “I KNOW THE SONG!” And rambles off the title and singers of the horribly butchered song, to peels of hysterical laughter. I remember thinking how the hell could he tell what song it was between the tone deaf and the laughter???

The next thing I recall I'm in an elevator with SLB (and someone else – but I'm not 100% sure who). I can remember us going up and then sideways quite suddenly and myself and whoever I was with slamming into Simon. I recall being embarassed (he caught me) and managing a "I'm sorry". Although, I have to admit, he didn't seem to mind.  So here's this old fashioned elevator and we're still in the aircraft carrier... moving sideways and we're going “up on deck”. I remember saying to Simon “I don't think I belong there...”. He assured me as long as I stick close, I will be fine. I remember the door opening up, stepping out into the open, seeing people wandering around in Victorian clothing and feeling a breeze on my face and that's where I woke up.

I often have strange dreams, last night was no different... but it was fun and funny.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

PS. I know I've been a bad blogger and not blogged as often as I should or could. And I am sorry for that. Real life comes up (as it does for us all). I will try to do this more often, but can't make absolute promises.