Sunday, 14 June 2015

Jealousy and Mamma Bear mode

My youngest daughter has begun communications with her biological mother. I am mad, concerned and saddened by this turn of events. Not mad at my daughter, I understand her curiosity, I get that...I do. I'm worried about the things her biological mother is telling her. Yes, my daughter is an adult -- but it's not that simple. Her biological mother; by all accounts; is a cause for concern. There's a mental disconnect there which perpetuates lies, expanded truths, half truths and full on fantasy. I'm uncertain; to be honest; exactly how much of what comes out of this woman's mouth is truth at all.

I guess my problem is that, considering of how my daughter's life; up until we came into it; was I don't want her to fall backwards into that upset again. She was mistreated, stepped on, used, ignored, abused -- and I'm concerned that the pattern will repeat itself to some degree with the introduction of her biological mother. And if I'm being completely honest, I don't think she could handle being shattered again. I realize she's physically an adult, but she's naive and of course hoping the best of this relationship even though I'm imagining the worst. Maybe that's on me, maybe it's my problem and it's unwarranted. Maybe she won't hurt her again, but whoa betide her if she does.

I understand the want from my daughter to know where she came from. I get that she wants to be able to say "this is what my history is" and has made her part of who she is. I understand that, I really do. But unfortunately the answers aren't that easy. Maybe my problem is that I feel like I should be enough for her, and I'm not. But then part of me says it's not about me and something I can't fulfill in my daughter. It's something I will never have, and I can do nothing about that. I suppose the only thing I can do is sit back and watch and wait. And IF my daughter needs to be picked back up and put back together at the end of the day because of this woman, that's the job I'll have to do. It's all I can do. It's what a mother does.

One Last Glimpse,