Wednesday, 24 August 2011

August 26th, 1989

When I was 18, I got married. It was a small wedding (only about 50-75 people) and not my "dream wedding" but I was on a tight budget and there was a time constraint as well I had to work with. I was pregnant, and Alan was due to leave for basic training at the end of August, and since he was informed that the military (at that point) didn't recognize "common law" marriage, if I wanted to be covered under any of his benefits -- we had to be married. So we did. Not that it really mattered WHEN we got married since we were planning on getting married anyway, it just happened BEFORE he went to basic training instead of AFTER like we'd originally planned. Either way, I was marrying the love of my life.

I didn't have a bridal gown or anything like that, and to be 100% honest -- while my dress was pretty it wasn't me (or at least I don't think so). It was wedgewood blue in colour and fairly plain. It wasn't anything I was overly excited about, but it fit and looked nice. It wasn't what I wanted (I wanted an actual wedding dress of course) but that wasn't in the cards and it looked nice and served it's purpose.

My Mom had worked 11pm until 7am the night before my wedding (something she couldn't get out of), and my sister and I had spent the night at my Mom's. After a couple hours of sleep My Mom and I went to the hairdressers, (of which I spent with my ass in the air for a good half hour -- I'll explain later), picked up one of my two wedding cakes, and took me to the woman who did my make up.

Quite frankly, the day is a little hazy. I don't remember much about the morning at all. I know we went to these places and did things but any conversations and actual details -- I have nothing until about mid afternoon. With the loan exception of my ass being in the air at the hairdressers. She originally tried to do a regular french braid but I had these pieces that would stick out at the side, so she decided to try a reverse braid which started at the nape of my neck and went upwards instead. So there I was, ass in the air, bent over the chair while she braided. Charming to be certain. But my hair looked good in the end - and truthfully isn't that all that matters?

Later I found out that after I left, Alan went in for his own hair cut to the same salon. The same lady who had done my hair, completely butchered his. He went home, his Mom took one look at it and said "What the hell did you do to your hair??" He ended up going to a place just up the street from his Mom's and getting his hair RE-cut just to fix the mess she had made.

We returned back to my Mom's and waited for my family's arrival so we could take some pictures and then drove to the park where we got married. I remember pulling up in the car and seeing Alan and his family and trying to hide in the backseat of my Dad's little Nissan Maxxima so he couldn't see me before the wedding. I remember my Aunt Jane (whom I adored -- she unfortunately passed about 6 months after my Mom) had brought me some pearl earrings for my "something borrowed" (which she later gave to me), who shooed Alan away when he got too close to the car.

I remember walking with Mom and Dad to the gazebo where we had our wedding. My youngest sister in law Mary lead the way as our flower girl, and then my sister. I remember as Mom, Dad and I walked across the grass my heals sank in with every step. I had to keep lifting my feet up to pull the heels out of the grass. I remember I almost felt like I was marking with each step - hoping like hell I didn't lose my shoe. I remember I also whispered something like "don't let me go ass over tea kettle" to my parents.

Our ceremony wasn't a long one - it was a Justice of the Peace and we hadn't done anything special with our vows or anything (although I wish we had, I always thought that was cool when people did that). I remember I couldn't look at Alan as he had this grin on his face that he gets sometimes, I can't describe it in any other way than the "I know I'm gonna get laid" grin. LOL Sorry kids but it's true! My brother in law Rob stood over his shoulder making goofy faces at me so he was no help, and my friends sat lined up on a bench - some watching intently, others in tears. Surely I couldn't look at them! I would have started bawling myself! So with no where to look, I stared mostly at the ground.

We had a small dinner reception with family and a few friends, and then moved to a small hall for the reception. Alan's parents arranged that portion and to be honest I knew very little about what was going on with that. I knew my youngest brother in law Dan had literally spent days recording music to dance to, and while I'd gone over that with him (I was pretty anal retentive when the music came up), I was pretty hands off otherwise.

There were a few "must haves" at the reception for music in my eyes. I had specific songs in honour of friends in attendance. Various memories - songs that meant something. Something by Triumph (Just one night) for my friend Nat and I who we had spent many hours listening to Triumph over the years, Kim Mitchell (Go for a Soda) for my friends Leslie and Dede, Yello (Oh Yeah) for our friends Jeff and Ray, AC/DC (Back in Black) for our friend Amber, and of course Duran Duran (The Reflex) for Rach and I.

My in laws also had a 50/60/country band that they performed in that played. Truthfully that genre really isn't my thing, however they wanted to play a couple numbers that I really loved and that was a great gift from them. Alan got up to sing "Johnny B. Goode" with them, and as a joke part way through they changed the tempo on him. Here's Alan singing like gang busters and they drop the tempo right out from under him. The look on his face was priceless. I loved it.

Tomorrow, Alan and I are heading (just us) to Toronto for the weekend to go to this convention. It will be nice to get away and have some alone time. I look forward to it.

22 years ago on Friday, I married the love of my life. Happy Anniversary Alan. I love you.

One Last Glimpse,


64 days...but who's counting

It still seems like a dream to me on some levels. Almost like I won't let myself believe it's real. That this's really going to happen. I can't bring myself there yet. I think I'm scared or paranoid that if I let go, and go won't happen. Everything else logical in me screams "don't be ridiculous- let go, enjoy the ride! It's not going to be taken away from you again. You're going. And that's that." But I can't....not yet.

Make no mistake I'm absolutely counting down the days. The anticipation is great, and it's about killing me that I just haven't let go...but I just...can't. The funny thing about it is, I know I'm not alone - I know there are others out there who are "what if'ing" right along with me, but dare not speak of it. Chiefly among them would be Simon himself I'm sure. But truthfully, he can't let it consume him which is probably for the best. Move forward, move on, take what you have learned from the experience and move on using its lessons in the future to your advantage.

I think I just want the tour to start, I want them to be over here...on our half of the world, I've missed that. Then maybe I'll feel better, and be able to just let go. I'll need to let go of some of this pressure cooker or I'm going to end up on youtube in one of those videos where a crazed fan dives the stage grabbing John or Simon and being dragged off by security. And as much fun as that would be...I don't think that's how I'd want to be remembered by them.

In the reality of the situation, I suppose no matter how crazy, batshit or insane I go before the show - I still will absolutely loose my mind at the show. There is no question in my mind.

I would love to be at one of these rehearsal gigs. I think that would be outstanding, and fun. it's another thing I've never heard of a band doing before that I think quite frankly is brilliant. Leave it to Duran.

As the opening of the North American date approaches I suspect another surge of emotion once again will swell with the excitement and anticipation, I would love to hear the screams that are going to ring out during the first show (and rehearsals for that matter). I'm certain it will be an emotional moment for Simon, I have no doubt. To over come that hurdle - I'm sure will fill him with pride.

Deafen them ladies....they deserve it.

One Last Glimpse,


Monday, 22 August 2011

My mind goes one million miles an hour

I don't consider myself to be a hyperactive person. In fact quite the opposite, I've been told that I don't worry enough and that I don't get wound up about things. I  get excited about things, but don't think of myself as an excitable person per se or a hyper personality. I can be hyper, but I'm not everyday.

Lately; probably the last 4 months or so; my mind has been going one million miles an hour creatively. Photography, musically, writing, blogging, poetry, etc. I want to do it all, and for some reason I'm compelled to do it all. With writing I've been lucky with this blog because I can just blog and blog and get the words or thoughts out that are forming, but when it comes to story telling I find when I can't get words out that I get frustrated because I think in my shouldn't be that hard. I know what I want to write, I know where I want to go with it, but for whatever reason - I just cannot get out the words out. I have a story I WANT to tell, all the characters are carefully and clearly defined, I've done a little research (it's a period piece) but I just cannot find that jumping off point.

At times like this I tend to go do something else, blog, take photos, #PTFBK, etc. Until I find that starting point and then as if things have a mind of their own, they just....flow. But with this one case -- it's just not happening, and it's frustrating, truly frustrating.

Maybe if I put it out of my mind something will come to me. Isn't that usually or occasionally how it works? Maybe I'm over thinking things. Making it more difficult than I need to be. Who knows.

One Last Glimpse,


Saturday, 20 August 2011

Fan Expo 2011

On this coming Thursday my husband Alan and I are going to go to Toronto for the weekend. I'm rather excited about it as it's for a multitude of reasons.

On Friday August 26th we will have been married 22 years. We got married on August 26th, 1989 in a park that I actually live about a 5 minute walk from now. We were surrounded by our family and friends in a small justice of the peace ceremony when I was 18.

In Toronto this coming weekend (25-28) is something called Fan Expo. It's a convention for gaming, anime, horror, sci-fi and comic books. It's a geekfestgasm. Loads of actors, novelists, fx people, artists etc. I really am not that much interested in the anime, comic or gaming aspect however I am interested in the actors that are going to be attending for the horror and sci-fi aspect of the con (short for convention). Martin Landau, Robert Englund (Freddy Kruger), Michael Shanks (yes THE Michael Shanks) and his lovely wife Lexa, Katee Sackhoff, Nichele Nichols (Uhura from the original Star Trek), Marina Sirtis (Deanna Troi from Star Trek Next Generation), and William Shatner (if I have to tell you who that is....we can no longer be friends...sorry!) and one Elvira Mistress of the Dark. Truthfully, I am DYING to meet the chick.

Another upside (besides the convention) I get to spend my TORONTO. I LOVE Toronto. I'll cruise around and get some pics before we bail at some point -- although we're going to be taking the subway most of the time. (I'd LOVE to hit up the CNE and get some pictures from where the exhibition stadium used to stand, but I'm not sure I'll be able to. But I'll do my best, and I'll DEFINITELY take a shot of the ACC where Duran are going to be) Just to show. And of course the CN tower. I want to take some hard core architecture photos. We'll see what we get.

Friday night for dinner we have reservations at Benihana which excites me VERY much. Benihana is a Japanese teppanyaki place. (I LOVE teppanyaki) I've not been there before however I'm eager to enjoy myself.

THANKFULLY my Uncle (my Dad's eldest brother) lives in Toronto and is graciously allowing us to stay at his apartment for the weekend saving us a CRAPTON of cash on hotels. He also has decided he wants to go stay at his boat instead of invading our weekend, which I thought was very sweet of him.

I'm sure we'll post pictures on Facebook either throughout the weekend or when we get home on Sunday evening. Either way I'm looking forward to it!

One Last Glimpse,


My friend Nat

I am blessed to have wonderful friends. Truly wonderful friends. I have one friend whom I have known since we were in 4th grade...and this blog...this one is for her. Her name is Natalie Evans.

Nat, how can I ever possibly tell you in these words, in this short brief amount of space what you mean to me? I've known you since grade 4, and another 20 lifetimes together won't be enough time to spend together. You have seen me at my best, and my worst. Have laughed with me, cried with me, we've been enraged together (at situations that life has thrown at us but never at each other). Helped carry me through my mother's illness and death, and even shared a laugh with me (my Mother's request) at her visitation.

When I think of my friend Nat, a few things come to mind. She's singing...forever singing. Always making up lyrics to songs (her mother does the EXACT same thing), dancing, and her laugh....that laugh....that I love. It never fails to make me smile.  She has a quick wit about her and a way with words that can always make me laugh. Her laugh never fails to make me laugh and her smile is an infectious one.

We've had some hell of a good times together in those 30 years. And I am looking forward to another 30+ years of good times

When I first met Nat, we were in grade 4. I had just moved to London from a completely different city, which made me (again -- and many times in this life) the new kid on the block. I moved a lot growing up, which would move on into my adulthood.

Nat made me feel welcome and wanted. And for a kid who was new, and lonely and unsure of herself - it was appreciated more than I can ever say. I've been fortunate to always have Nat to have my back. She's always been there for me, and me her. A mark of a true friend.

Nat has always loved animals. She should have been a veterinarian. The animals would have been lucky to have her. She's got a very gentle touch with them, and cares very deeply about their well being. She's donated time, money and items to those animals less fortunate. She's a truly wonderful person and I am blessed to know her.

We've shared many highs and lows together - school, marriages, births, deaths, family drama, life and luxury. I cannot imagine my life without her. Nor would I want to. She is a true treasure of a person, and it's an honour to call her my friend.

Thank you, Nat. Love you. You are exceptional.

One Last Glimpse,


Tuesday, 16 August 2011

High School

No one's high school experience is perfection. I don't care who you are. My first 2 years (grades 9 and 10) sucked large.  I was overweight, had glasses, braces, was in orchestra and didn't have cool clothes and was teased mercilessly. And being me...I took it to heart.

 I did a few things during my high school years that I'm less than proud of - lied, stole, drank, smoked dope, smoked cigarettes and even one afternoon, while home alone...came this ending it all.

I'm not going to go into detail as to why, although I could. Suffice to say I was very lonely, and very sad. I don't handle being alone well when I have a problem, even though I have on numerous occasions said "Just leave me alone". And when I say that...I only mean for about 20 minutes..not days at a time. I'm a very social person and need that connection with others. I am thankful on that day that "Angels come in strange forms" (thank you Rachel for that quote).

I had one guy in high school who teased me the worst. I remember one day in the middle of an argument with Rach he inserted himself into the fray. Big. Mistake. I remember being in the middle of my tirade at her and when he inserted himself into the conversation, I spun round yelled something at him and continued my rant. Momentarily off footed he paused, and then resumed his blather and comments at me.

A few years ago, he sent me a friends request on facebook, which quite frankly I found very amusing as not 2 days prior I had been talking about him. His friend request was attached with a note that read: "I know I was terrible to you in school. I hope you can forgive me." After I got over the initial shock of how earnest his apology seemed and accepted his friends request I replied with: "I forgive you. Does this mean I can send you all my shrink bills now?" He never replied about that one.

Life throws you little karmic curve balls like that every once in a while. It's just a question of if you're going to hit a pop fly and get called out or if you're going to swing and crack that grand slam and win the game.

One Last Glimpse,


Sunday, 14 August 2011

Innocence Lost

 This is probably going to be one of those blogs that will be one of the most painful ones to write, so I apologize in advance it may be hard for you to read. But, it is my story, my journey and I'm going to tell it in as great a detail as I can remember. If it is disjointed I apologize. I was only 4/5 years old so the memories are vague, and blurred together.

When I was 4 my parents separated and then divorced, my sister and I that summer (as well as the next one) went to live with my Mother's sister in Toronto with her husband and their son who is about 6 years older than I. I didn't know my Aunt and her family well, they lived in Toronto (world's away at that age) and we didn't see them often. The person (I won't even refer to him as a "gentleman" because he wasn't) my Aunt was married I can only refer to as an alcoholic lecherous abusive asshole.

To be honest I'm uncertain as to what they did professionally. I THINK they may have been book keepers or accountants but for whom I have no idea. I know my Aunt had gone to school to be a teacher (which she didn't really end up even doing although she truly would have been a GREAT teacher), and I know later on she was also a real estate agent...but I know they weren't then. I know they worked from home and I know there was countless ledger books in their "Office" (living room) which is what makes me assume they were book keepers or accountants. 

They lived in a lovely influencial area in Toronto, not too far from downtown Toronto. The house was a large 2 story home, 4 bedrooms and 1 bath. I WANT to say it was "Craftsman style" but I could be wrong. It was lovely in any event. But, I hated it...for those two summers, it was my prison.

My cousin was allowed everyday to go off on his bike, and play with his friends. Now, did I expect my sister and I (she was 6 the first summer) to be allowed to run the streets of Toronto? No, of course not who would?
But the fact that we were NEVER allowed out of the back yard, I hated it. My sister and I were woken up every morning, dressed, fed and ushered outside for the day. The only time we were permitted to come back in was if it was raining (and I mean downpour, if it was spitting...we could stay out...after all it's not like we were going to melt! "What are you made of sugar?"), if it was the end of the work day, or if we had to pee. That. WAS. IT. The screen door was LOCKED so we couldn't even get in. I remember I had to pee so bad one day, the door was locked and I banged on the door for what seemed like 20 minutes and no one came. I peed in the bushes in my Aunt's back garden. She wasn't happy with me...What if the neighbors saw?! God forbid!

We were given a card table with paper, colouring books and crayons and a small above ground pool. And that was it. Our lunches were spent at that card table every day. If we wanted to have a nap, it was either sitting in the chair with our heads down on the table (which btw sat in this garage thankfully -- truthfully our only shade). I prayed for rain days, only then were we allowed to be inside.

It was lonely, confusing, boring. Imagine being 4 years old, or 6 for that matter (my sister's age) and suddenly being thrown into a house were you don't really know the people who you're living with, who are complete strangers in your eyes. Your Mom isn't there, your father isn't there...there's just you...and your sister who is only 6.

On rare occasions my sister and I got to go out: CN Tower, Toronto Zoo, Science Center, Casa Loma, Center Island, Ontario Place. On those rare times, those odd forced "family" moments, life seemed almost normal.

I have very little recollection as to which summer was which, I just know I was very, very sad.

I have one very disjointed...odd...disturbing memory. One of those memories that you're not sure if it REALLY happened or if you've imagined it. But somewhere, deep down in the pit of your know it's truth. That it really happened, but I get the feeling that I'm forgetting something. And truthfully, I probably don't want to know.

I don't know if this happened the first summer, or the second and doesn't matter. It's hazy, vague and honestly..I don't know which summer it was. I remember I was either in bed and woke up, OR I had just had been finished being read to and was about to go to bed...but in any event I needed to pee. My Aunt informed me that her husband (I REFUSE to refer to him as my uncle (even though I called him that to his face at the time) - The title "Uncle" is reserved for someone who deserves it, and let me assure you - he..did not.) was in the bath. But, since that was the ONLY washroom in the house, and I was a little girl - I had to pee - right then. I remember I knocked on the door, opened it and went in. Went to close the bathroom door and saw him sitting in the tub. Now, you would think...if a little girl was coming in to use the bathroom, that you'd close the curtain, put a wash cloth or hell even your hands over your penis. Not him. He was just sitting there completely exposed. I remember I went pee, he talked to me casually (I don't remember what about), I finished and went to leave when he stopped me and said "Good night". I remember being uncomfortable and at the time finding the whole scene just wrong. Why didn't he cover himself? Do I recall him touching himself? No. Do I recall him touching me? No. But to be honest....I think I know the answer to both questions, and it's not good.

Would it make a difference if I knew either way? Probably not. I think I've blocked out whatever occurred and inserted my own reality into it. I think there's sizeable amounts of that "bathroom visit" that are missing from my memory - and I've always felt that way. I literally would get a feeling of loathe and disgust and repulsion and even nausea on occasion looking at him over the years. I truly hated him. And I'm not a "hate" kind of person. I don't think that if I knew for a fact what went down that it would change me fundamentally as a person. I mean, I already hate the guy. I already assume something was amiss, I just don't know what.

He was cruel to my sister and I. One night my sister was crying because she missed our parents. Instead of comforting her, he mocked her saying things like "look at the baby" and that "if she didn't stop crying, he'd set up a crib and she could sleep in that." Who says shit like that to a child???

We used to eat "too slow" supposedly. A large black timer (I THINK it was used for film developing??) was set in the kitchen on the counter. I remember struggling to eat and get everything eaten before that fucking buzzer went off. I hated that fucking timer. I remember one breakfast timer was rapidly coming close to going off and with each loud tick of the timer I would sob harder and harder because I KNEW I wasn't going to finish on time and I would gag on my eggs. I was such a nervous wreck I wanted to puke. Who does that to a child???

I was eternally scarred for life after those 2 summers. I made decisions of things I would NEVER say OR do to my children. Or anyone else's children for that matter. I feel in a way my innocence was ripped from me. It was the first time I can ever remember hating someone. Who hates someone at 4 or 5 years old? Does one at that age even have a grasp on the ideology of hate? Let me assure you, they can. And truthfully my Aunt was just as much to blame, because she didn't stop him. But I think because she's blood related I feel that I MUST forgive her actions or non actions and move on. My Aunt eventually left him, and he's dead now - and has been for years. I don't know if I should forgive him or not. I don't know if I can. Does that make me a bad person?

One Last Glimpse,


Saturday, 13 August 2011

Dream Analysis

I have very vivid dreams. We're talking full on, submersible, technocolour dreams. To the extreme. It's my understanding dreaming in colour is rare. For me (assuming the previous statement is true) it's common place.

I've seen, touched (and been touched) and even smelled in my dreams. Smell for me seems to be the rare one. I've read signs and books (which the comprehension of what you're reading is supposed to be ANOTHER rarity -- is my understanding -- I have no idea why). I don't think I've tasted, but I could be wrong. I usually remember in very great detail. Decor, clothing, people, places, colours, textures, etc

They say you can't dream about someone you've never seen before. Which really, I find fascinating. The average person's imagination is vast - but your imagination can't subconsciously make up and create someone you've never seen before? That makes no sense to me.

I've had dreams about people I know, and people I know of (ie. famous people) and a lot of times I'll even incorporate dreams of famous people with friends and or family.

Most recently (last night) was a dream I had with Julie Anne Rhodes and Janice Dickinson. If you don't know who either of these people are....go look them up... I'll wait... right here........

All caught up? Good! Now we may continue!

The dream involved a lot of confusion. We (Myself, Rachel, our friend Natalie) were invited to a fashion show by Julie Anne, to which we were late in arriving at (I don't know why it was Julie Anne's fault we were late but it was). We arrived at the building where this fashion show was to be at but as we wandered around the building (which seemed to be never ending) the more we thought we were going in the right direction the more lost we seemingly became. Julie Anne was beside herself because we were going to be late. We came around the corner and ran into Janice. She was just standing there waiting for us, and lead us to where this show was being held. In the end, we weren't even late. It was weird.

The night before was a dream with both Simon and Nick - separately but at the same location. I have always had dreams about Duran in one form or another for a few years now. Lately (in the last year) we're always in the same place or at least start off in the same place. I have no idea WHY they do...they just do. And I've never dreamed of them as a group either. I've had dreams where it's been Nick and John together but that's it. AND what's more interesting is while I've dreamed they've sat beside each other, I don't remember them talking to each other while I've spoken to both of them.

Maybe...if I go all "John" and analyze these dreams, I could just say just the Taylorian and the Rhodesian aspects of myself....because it's not really Nick and John in my dreams but those sides of my personality that I envision that are Taylorian and Rhodesian in nature. So Nick and John aren't even actually in my dreams at all.....


One Last Glimpse,

Friday, 12 August 2011

Set list..

So here I am at 3am and Alan is working nights, and as per usual when he works nights...I can't sleep.

I'm lying here in bed debating on what possible songs could be on the tour set list. Why? I dunno...because that's where my mind went. Actually, I DO know. I watched the documentary portion of the Live in London concert tonight and Nick talked about how they are always arguing about the set list sometimes even 10 minutes to go time.

So I laid here thinking... Well... what set list would make me happy? And truth be told it could be Kumbya and Twinkle, Twinkle and then just a Q and A from the crowd for 2 hours and I'd be okay with that. But lets face facts...that ain't gonna happen. They ARE after all "The band designed to make you party".

There are of course, the "must haves" which I doubt highly that we'd not get. I'm interested to see just how close MY set list is by comparison to what will actually be played.

So here they are, in no particular order. Including WHY I chose them and my personal feelings on them. Assuming of course we have 20 songs (including encores), I have included 4 possible alternates. (BTW does this make me weird? Nevermind....don't answer that!)

1) All you Need is Now - For obvious reasons. Title track, first release -- pretty self explanatory.
2) Rio - Of course, crowd pleaser, great oldie (possibly an emotional moment for me -- I'm really not sure)
3) The Reflex - Again...obvious - DEFINITELY an emotional moment for me
4) Girls on Film - For me...this was the song that started it all.
5) Safe (in the heat of the moment) - This is one of my fave tracks off the new album. It's a great beat and a get off your ass and dance tune.
6) Tiger, Tiger/The Chauffeur - I would LOVE if they did this one as a medley of sorts. Mind you I'd love if they tagged "Drive By" on at the end...but I don't think that will happen. IF they do it it will probably be Tiger, Tiger/The Chauffeur. They've been tied to each other for YEARS now. Once they break into the Chauffeur - I suspect I will be a full on sobbing mess.
7) No no  - Not one of my WOW I LOVE this song fave tracks. But it's okay. And I know the crowd tends to get into it.
8) View - This song PLAGUES me. I've never liked View to a Kill to be honest. Simon has had SUCH troubles with it in the past, and while I would LOVE for him to just nail it and win me over....I'm not sold on the song, quite frankly I'd rather they leave it out for something else (as well as No No).
9) Hungry - I struggled with this. Could they leave Hungry out? It's again one of those songs like Rio or Reflex where you're like -- hmm will they riot if we DON'T sing it?
10) Sunrise - One of my favourites. There's just something about it's positivity that makes you feel great after listening to it. I love it.
11) Girl Panic! - Considering that this fall is when the GP video comes out, I'd be surprised if they DON'T play this one. Which is fine by me! Wonder if they'll show the video as part of the screens they have going on? Hrmm interesting.
12) Blame the Machines - I don't know if this will be another track they play off the new album or not. I THOUGHT I had read that they had practiced it but I could be wrong. (I'd rather hear Runway or Before myself but hey....)
13) Shadows - Since Lord Tweetleaks already SAID they were playing this's a gimme (watch them not play it now! HAHAHA!)
14) Friends - Rog seemed agog and aghast how bat-shit folks went for this one on the mini-spring tour. I think they'll leave it in. Love it myself.
15) Save - John said SaP was "on the shelf" (I think his words were) when they did the tour in the spring. Did they pull it back off and give it a dust off or leave it there? Only time will tell.
16) O-World - Originally I had another track written but I think that this one (or Come Undone) is just one of those tracks -- again fine with me...I love it.
17) Late Bar - Personally I LOVE this song. I've HEARD tell from somewhere (I don't remember where) that Simon doesn't like this song. Although I don't know if that's true or not.
18) Leopard - It's one of those songs that has seemingly grabbed people. I like this song, and while I prefer Before the Rain MORE....I think they'd sing Leopard before they'd sing Before.
19) OPL - Why put out a "Night Version" if you're not going to put it into the show?
20) Election Day / Power Station - This one I REALLY struggled with. I know they HAVE played it in other shows in the past. But I don't know if they would or not. I'd really like to see them do it, but if they don't...that's okay too. ANY of my alts would be great! (Tee hee!)

21) Careless - GREAT way to wind up the crowd I think. I've always loved this song.
22) Hold back the Rain - Another truly rocking song. Love it
23) Something I should know - Wouldn't it be cool if they played this and made mention of the video documentary? Just sayin...
24) Wild Boys - Now...I'm not a Wild Boys fan. The video is cool and whatever, but I just... I don't like it. Never really have. BUT I know it was hugely popular for them.

There are about 4 or 5 other songs that I was like -- well what about! or OMG THIS would kick ass (Night boat, Come up and see me, RCM, Falling down, The Valley... -- Something Dom said on FB/Twitter the other day intrigued me. He said they'd had a great rehearsal and he got to play some oldies he'd NEVER played before...So maybe they ARE doing Night Boat or Come Up and see me? I guess you'd have to go through ever youtube concert footage out there to see what he's played live with them and what he hasn't...and quite frankly...I ain't got that much time on my hands! LOL). I could go on for days about what songs they might sing...But I guess we'll have to see. It'll have to end and they'll have to leave the stage at some point right? OMG did I just say that???!!! Anyway, those are my guesses. I guess we'll see where it all ends up at the show. I just thought it would be interesting to see how far off I was from what they come up with. ;)

One last glimpse,


Thursday, 11 August 2011

Perfect Day

As I write this, I'm sitting here in the sunlight on this wonderfully, breezy day at one of the biggest parks here in London, Ontario Canada. Sprinbank Park home of Storybook Gardens.

I just spent the last 10 minutes or so watching a little girl (2 or 3) with these super curly ringlet poofs for pony tails roll repeatedly down the hillside on her side. I remember doing that at her age...probably the last time I did it was when I was 14 or 15. I'd love to do it right now, I think it would just be so much fun. But I promise Rach...I won't. BUT I won't lie...I'm DYING to.

I'm sitting here in the sun, and Simon (of course) is singing in my ears about how he's got his "Own Way". Me too Si, me too. The last few days have been truly perfect ones. Exciting things happening, loads of energy and I am LOVING it.

I love days like this, "tall days" I call them. Days when you feel so amazing, so great, so... almost like ANYTHING could happen. And sometimes if you're very can and does. Today seems like one of those days. And I am blessed.

I'm blessed to have friends and family that "get" me. Truly "get" me. I'm not what I would consider "normal", that's not to say I'm a wingnut or a wackjob. I've just got my "Own Way" as Simon so eloquently put it a few moments ago. And I'm okay with that. I tend to be a little wacky sometimes (once you know me). My sister in laws and husband likened me to "Garcia" from Criminal Minds yesterday and I was unbelievably flattered. (I LOVE Garcia).

My friend Jenn pulled a "Destiny card" for me today on Facebook that I found HIGHLY ironic that I've decided to share:
"The guidance you are now receiving is truly Universal. Take time daily to connect with your guides and Angels. They wish to connect with you as much as you wish to connect with them. They are working very closely with you and you are being encouraged to journal at this time. This is a Great story you are writing. It is your personal story and it is unique to you and only you. Write poetry to express the emotions you are feeling. Write down your dreams and synchronistic events that occur. This card calls for putting your connection and experience with Spirit into writing."

This is ironic to me because of several reasons. Mostly because I am writing a lot lately. Blogs, poetry, thoughts, etc. I am one for destiny cards, tarot cards, runes, etc. I love them, I find them fascinating. In fact, about once a month I will sit and do a tarot spread. Usually with Rachel. Tonight when she comes over will probably be no different. And I look forward to it.

One Last Glimpse,


Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Ticket, ticket who's got a ticket! - Duran Duran Appreciation Day

This portion of the blog was written yesterday while at work:

Tomorrow is pre-sale day. I can feel the same emotions I felt announcement day starting to bubble to the surface...Fear, excitement, anticipation. These of course are all feelings I've felt before. But the knowledge that THIS time I'm actually going to get to see them is beyond words.

There's been (In my opinion) a bit of "cloak and dagger" (as Rachel so aptly put it) mystery swirling around this tour lately. The announcements and the style they were done and released in, the not so veiled promise of how 'special' the North American tour is going to be and how all the shows (here and back in the UK/Europe) will be "well worth it". I could get all sarcastic and say "Unless you're going to come sit on my lap and sing...." but knowing them, I wouldn't put it past them!!!

They've been wanting direct fan input as well which I find phenomenal. A lot of other bands wouldn't put out this sort of effort. Quite frankly, it makes me feel extraordinary and honoured to be, and call myself a Duranie.

I have to laugh watching my twitter timeline fly when (especially John) gets on Twitter. While Simon does tweet, he seems to talk to himself/everyone with a broad stroke or brush and answer only a few tweets in reply. Where as John seems hyper-focused on answering questions - as many as he can - when he tweets. They're very different Simon and John - although how boring would it be if they were all carbon copies of each other?

Tomorrow is going to be unbelievably exciting. And I can hardly wait...Until then....Ohhhmmmmm #zenmaster

This morning:

I set my alarm last night for 8:30 and actually slept on my husband's side of the bed because that's where the alarm clock is. Rachel had informed me she was going to be at my house promptly at 9:30am. I already had the coffee order and was out the door by 9:05am. Twitter and Facebook were already abuzz with life and excitement.

I drove (Duranless I might add!!) in my hubby's car to the drive thru, bought my coffee's and came home. Rachel arrived and we sat and chatted.

She was nervous (as was I) but didn't hide her nervousness. My husband (God love him) nattered on and chit chatted away about government, the UK riots, etc to try to keep our minds busy while the time ticked away. At 9:46am, I looked at the clock and took at deep breath. Time was approaching and fast!! What if we didn't get VIP seats? What if they were gone? What didn't matter I reminded myself. I could sit in nose bleeds and still be happy. I just wanted to GO.

At 9:58am Rachel asked me "What time is it?". My response to her was simple "Do you REALLY want to know?" I asked her. Her word..."No". I didn't tell her that we were 2 minutes from one of the most anticipated moments of our friendship.

The clock had BARELY rolled 10am EST when my fingers CALMLY flew across the keys and clicked the mouse. Alan had continued to talk to her so I'm really NOT certain she even knew what I was doing when I was doing it. To be honest, I was SHOCKED how calm I was. I figured my heart would be in my throat and I would be a full on freak out. I didn't and wasn't. Even now I'm STUNNED by just how calm I was.

By 10:02 it was all over. Tickets were purchased (VIP 2nd row center). Rachel STILL hadn't resumed breathing, and I was still calm. My husband remarked that he was surprised we weren't freaking out more - he figured it "would be a full on Girl Panic!" (I LOVE my husband!!!!).

He also said now that the tickets were purchased "could we please grow up and stop acting like 15 year old girls" (JOKING of course!). My response was "You first!" (tee hee!)

Once the tickets were purchased I texted our dear friend @georgiedavis1 out west and told her we had our tickets bought. She sent me a text just as I was leaving to go get some groceries about how pleased she was for us. I began driving and for the first time since I purchased the tickets listened to Duran. I don't even know what song it was and I felt my cheeks grow wet before I even noticed that I was crying. I managed to get to the grocery store parking lot and get the car parked before the full on water works started.

Today is ALSO Duran Duran Appreciation day. I wasn't sure if it was we were supposed to appreciate THEM or they us. Apparently it's reciprocal, which is nice. John has released a song (Other People's Lives - Night Version), and Nick sent a message and sent us all 'flowers'. Which truly are very sweet gestures on their part. But when I think about it... how would I ever tell them what an impact their music has had on my life? How could I ever put that into words? A simple "Thank you" seems no where near enough. But I guess it would have to be.

One Last Glimpse,


Diamond dWogs - dWog days of summer

So Wednesday (this coming) is another milestone in the Duraniverse. Not only is it ticket pre-sale day for Rach and I, but also it's Duran Duran Appreciation day. Now since I always appreciate them (boy DO I!) I'm not exactly sure what that means... (maybe that means they appreciate us??? I don't know). In any event I'm sure it will be another day full of excitement!

This summer has been...'different' in many ways that I really can't get into (simply because they're it's not my business to air other people's laundry). But it's been better than it could have been. I've enjoyed hanging out with friends, and family. I've been boating, poolside, had some drinks and some laughs. It's been truly great. And with another month left, I'm sure more fun will be had.

I am very lucky and blessed to have some truly great friends that I hold very near and dear to me. I tend to be the kind of person who grows attached to people. As such I have frequently gotten hurt in the past by people who haven't been worthy of being my friend, I trusted to easily and got hurt because of it.

The last few days have been a growing concern over in the UK with the riots that have been going on. I of course worry about  Duran itself and their families but our #ddsistas and other family who reside over in and the surrounding areas of Tottenham, B'ham, and London.  I keep a positive thought for each of you and trust you'll be okay.

One Last Glimpse,


Thursday, 4 August 2011

Come Undone

So Tuesday August 2nd was THE "Big Day". It was the Duran Duran North American Tour Dates announcement day. I was up at 7am prompt (even though they announced late Monday that the announcement time had changed and instead of 8am EST the announcements would start at 12pm EST) and ready to face the day along with my #duransistas from across the country we sat together and waited patiently. Okay not really, truthfully... by the time the announcements started we were ALL climbing the feckin walls. Kids were left to their own devices for lunch, work abandoned...with Duran adult diapers on...we were ready to face the announcements together.

12pm came and went...with no announcement. Just teasers from was like whomever (many of us suspect it was our lovely Controller - Nick Rhodes) was sitting there, at the keys...enjoying the sheer torture of the agony that we were being put through by making us wait. Then, in the most creative way I have EVER witnessed, the announcements came in. Most of them were video links back to youtube with little video vignettes announcing dates and locations of the North American tours. Cheers and screams rang up from Twitter and Facebook as various dates were announced. We cheered for each other (as only we can) and held each others "hands" and breath as we waited for more dates to be announced. The agony waiting for the ecstasy was exquisite. The tension was palpable and the intensity was a feeling I have never felt.

I have NEVER seen (may I remind you) Duran Duran in concert. Video yes. Live same I've been close a few times. But never EVER in 28 years of loving this band...have I ever stood in the same room as these gentlemen, these idols, these Gods of music. I have never had the privilege, honour, or pleasure. I have even dreamed I was at a concert of theirs (on more than one occasion), and even once I remember I dreamed sitting in a completely empty venue with Simon Le Bon himself and having a conversation, just he and I. The dream I had was a few months ago, I was sitting in an empty venue that originally I thought to be the Skydome in Toronto. The place was completely empty, there was a stage that was almost completely built (but not quite). And I was sitting in the seats (Nick's side) looking at it. I turned to Simon and said "Why am I here?" He replied with "You HAVE to be." I said "Why?" His response was simply "You'll find out."

For myself; as a Canadian; I waited to hear of a city within a day's drive that I could get to to see the guys. Cleavland, Ohio was the first one that was announced within that possibility, and then Chicago, Illinois. Windsor, Ontario was next followed by Montreal. At this point I was texting with my friend Rachel (@rachelcreelowe) who I am going to the show with (we've known each other since we were 14)  who had since had to leave the announcements and take her children to swimming lessons. I was texting her with updates and informed her of the Windsor and Montreal dates. She replied with "What??? No Toronto???" quite incredulously. I was as surprised as she was, no Toronto I thought? TORONTO?? A place that once upon a time Simon even had an apartment and referred to as his "second home"? A place he had felt so comfortable in that he could actually walk around without being accosted and harassed and just be Simon Le Bon - person, not Simon Le Bon - Rock God.  This, I found so very hard to believe... As the next show that was announced was NYC I replied " Toronto". And then, out of nowhere....there it was. A video link for a Toronto date. I froze.

I remember I blinked a few times, held my breath and even muttered "Oh God...." before I clicked the link and Roger came to life on my screen. Slowly unveiling the date and location Roger revealed that not only was it in Toronto at the Air Canada Center (my understanding one of the biggest locations on the tour) but also the date was on Simon Le Bon's birthday. Everything after that moment is a blur. I know I screamed, I know the cats scattered, and I know my youngest daughter (Lexi) came running down the stairs to make sure I was alright. But what I screamed I couldn't have told you (My Eldest daughter Jessy later informed me that I screamed something to the effect of "FUCKING TORONTO!! ACMOTHERFUCKINGC!! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!") and while I know I yelled SOMETHING. I couldn't have told you what it was.

My hands shook fiercely while tears streamed freely down my face. I tried to txt my friend Rachel but the words just wouldn't come. No. I stopped myself. This was something that I HAD to tell her voice to voice. So I dialed her cellphone (somehow). It rang..and stopped. So I texted her "nswer your phone"  So I redailed. And rang...and stopped. So again I managed to text her "answer your phooooooooooonnee" . When I dialed the THIRD time she answered. She said if she had not known it was me, she would have had no clue who it was. To say I was "hysterical" I think would be the understatement of a lifetime. I managed to get out something about Simon's birthday. And I thought I said the venue as well, but I can't be certain of that fact. I shook, I hyperventilated and I cried. Oh boy did I cry. SOBBED would be a more accurate way to describe it. Not only were they coming to Toronto to the ACC, but they were coming on Simon's birthday...this was more than I could handle. Kenny went bye bye.

I have tried to write this blog about 5 times now and each time I couldn't get out what I wanted to say exactly. And I'm not sure entirely that I got it right this time. One of my #duransistas put her book editor hat on and suggested to me that I just write down words/phrases of how I felt at that moment to perhaps help me with capturing that time. These are the words that I have written:

I felt every one of those feelings at the EXACT same moment. It was an extreme intense feeling that I don't know if I have ever felt that way before. It was staggering. I look forward to October 27th with baited breath. I know it will come all too soon, but I truly am excited. I look forward to hearing stories of my #duransistas and their Duranventures that they will be having both alone and as groups. I love you all, you each have impacted my life in such a short time as only Duranies can. I will be with each of you in spirit to each and every one of those shows and I look forward to hearing the stories and seeing the pictures!!

Most of all I look forward to sharing in the experience that is Duran with Rachel, I've waited 28 years for this (26 of those I've known Rach). I look forward to sharing Simon Le Bon's birthday with him. It will surly be an experience I will never forget. Once more in the immortal words of Simon John Charles Le Bon....

Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin
I've been waiting for you
Signed, with a home tattoo,
Happy birthday to you was created for you

(can not forgive from falling apart at the seams
Can not believe you're taking my heart to pieces)

Oh, it'll take a little time,
Might take a little crime
To come undone now

We'll try to stay blind
To the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me into cry

Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone?
Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone?

Words, playing me deja vu
Like a radio tune I swear I've heard before
Chill, is it something real
Or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers?

(can not forgive from falling apart at the seams
Can not believe you're taking my heart to pieces)

Lost, in a snow filled sky,
we'll make it alright
To come undone now

(can not forgive from falling apart)
Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone?
(can not forgive from falling apart)
Who do you need, who do you love?
(can not forgive from falling apart)
Who do you love
When you come undone?
(can not forgive from falling apart)

One Last Glimpse,


Monday, 1 August 2011

I wanna be sedated...

I've known for months that our concert date would be sometime in September/October. They announced that in the spring; and even after Simon's vocal problems that have surfaced; they still maintained it would be September/October for US/Canada dates. Well...rumors started swirling yesterday (Friday/Saturday really) due to John's tweets that new tour dates were about to be announced "soon". SO soon in fact that yesterday from another source THEY were tweeting that they'd heard it would be "VERY VERY soon". Then last night.....My friend Rachel and another #Duransista Andi txted and msged that they'd gotten an email FROM the Duran website that it would be TUESDAY MORNING. I LITERALLY freaked out.

We sat and had a laugh last night on Facebook talking about the tour, the guys, etc. Just basically being funny, horny 15 yr olds trapped in 40somethings bodies. It was funny how we were all instantly transported back to that age full of fan girl squeals and screams. It amazes me how these 4 gentlemen still have that affect on us. WHY do they have this affect? I guess that's what I want to know. I mean YES they're attractive, YES they seem to be chock full of humour, cheek and sass (some more than others *cough*), and YES they're incredibly talented. But there's got to be something more to it than that. Why you may ask yourself?? I don't know WHY...There just does.

Twitter was going wild with messages between Duran fans (both the #sistas and others alike) wanting to know what was going on, and excitement. It was actually quite fun to watch it all unfold. And I suspect tomorrow morning will be the same. At 8am tomorrow morning date announcements will start, and I look forward to it. I'm eager to find out WHEN. I think that's the part that's killing me...WHEN. I'm not worried about getting time off, my boss has already (thankfully) told me it's a given...I just need to let her know when.

To be honest, if you had asked me in 1982 if I would still be AS psyched to see these guys at 40 as I actually am...I PROBABLY would have said "yes". Although truthfully it could have all come to a screaming halt MULTIPLE times in the band's career, I still probably would have said "yes". Mind you I probably would have ALSO told you that Andy would NEVER leave Duran, and that John and I would be married and have 2 kids - Nicholas and Natalie, and have a golden retriever named Prometheus...But that's besides the point. I think, in the worked out well for everyone.

Someone tweeted yesterday (that I retweeted to John) That " who doesn't know you exist, but who has a huge influence on your life." And for me to him that is so very, very true. His music...their music...has just blown me away. Someone said recently also "you should never meet your idol as it will dissolve that illusion that they're perfect". I know that John and Duran are not perfect, although it pains me to say that, and I suspect Simon may just argue with that statement (jokingly of course) I know it's true.

At one point last night I became quite emotional and seriously began to cry. At which point I thought to myself WTF are you crying for??? WTF indeed. I guess it struck me all of a sudden that after 28 years, missed chances to see multiple tours, that all of this...was coming down to the wire. I'm going to be standing in the same room AS my idol, as my favourite band WITH the ONE person who I cannot imagine not being there.. one of my best friends... And for those 2+ hours.....NOTHING else is going to matter. And I guess it was a little overwhelming. It is finally going to come to that precipice where we have to leap and see where we land. It's kind of like I'm on a roller coaster and we're slowly and agonizingly click, click, clicking our way to the top but I can't see how far the big drop is on the other side but I KNOW it's going to be one hell of a ride.

One Last Glimpse,