This is a very personal entry to me. An open letter to a particular person. They'll never read it, but it's my feelings and I want to get them out.
Larger than life, quick with a joke and a smile. Always giving a wink and a playful teasing. As long as you were being teased....you knew you were okay. It's when the teasing and joking stopped you knew you were in it deep. These are the things I remember and treasure most. These are the ways I choose to remember you.
The person you have become, the person you are now is so far from the person I know you to be. And it eats me up inside to know that you're trapped and unable to help yourself and knowing that there's nothing you can do and nothing we can do to help you.
Nat is guilt ridden. She shouldn't be...but is. She has stood by and defended you every inch of the way like any daughter should, but has also called you out on things when you should have been...such as any one (including yourself) would do. Such a beautiful, proud woman you've raised. A beautiful mixture of you and Mom. I know you're proud of her. I am too. And of the man Nat married and your beautiful grand-daughter. I see a lot of you in all three of them. The pride, the strength and the wicked sense of humor.
I can remember when I was first starting to come over when Nat and I first met. Never had I ever felt so at home, and so welcome in a friend's house. I felt like I belonged and like I was one of your own. And, with all the time I came to stay over, I'm sure it seemed like I practically lived there at times and I'm sure it felt like it. Never once did you ever treat me like an outsider. Not once. And that is something I can never thank you enough for.
But now, what's left of the man I once knew is slowly fading away. Wracked with an evil disease that will; at some point; consume you. I wish, like everyone that I could take that away from you. Save you. Rescue you. And while you may not know we are here with you in mind, spirit and body... we are.
I hope you know though, that you have been and always will be, loved. Not just by your family, but by those you have touched with your heart, your smile and your wisdom. I don't profess you to be perfect. No one is. But I always
looked up to you. You were a hero to many and always will be a hero of mine. And
I thank you for the impact you have had on me and my life.
"Love you as much as never". Always.