The daughter I never knew we had

5 years ago my life changed, my family changed - for the better. I received a phone call from the school saying that one of my daughters friends (whom I had never met) was in trouble, had gone (with my daughter Jessica) to the police and Jessy wanted to know if her friend could come to our house that evening. I told the school psychologist that if it was a matter of this friend not wanting to go home because she'd gotten into trouble at school or with the school and the police had become involved (ie. fighting) then no, I felt that the child needed to return to her home and face the music. However, if it were a case of - if the child returned home she would be in harms way...she was more than welcome to come to my home. Up until that point the psychologist had not said what had occurred, and she never did (by law, she wasn't allowed to disclose the reason for the going to the police as it did NOT involve the school). Her only response was "I'm pleased to hear that Mrs. Campbell, I'll let Jessy know that her friend can come to your home then". In that moment, I knew what had gone on, what this poor girl had been through and I had never been more proud of my daughter Jessy than I was right then.

In those five years since that day, there have been many tears and much laughter. Court appearances, and of course, a period of adjustment. We've moved away from the memory of that nightmare for her, and since she's started a new and (I'd like to think) happier chapter in her life. Two years ago, for her 18th birthday we offered to her to get her name changed. Adopting a child costs thousands, but this was the next best thing we could do for her - give her OUR last name. Officially, to the world, making her ours. She was elated, there were many tears, and much celebration. She decided not only to change her last name, but her entire identity.

Yesterday, that sweet girl's long journey came to a close. It became official that her name was finally changed to our last name, like she has always belonged and always been one of us. She (Jessy's friend) came home with Jessy that night on that cold winters night almost five years ago, and has never left. But to her (and to us) I think it was much more than finding serenity and a calm port in the storm. Until yesterday, even though we treated her as one of our own from the get go, she has always felt tied to that adoptive family, but with jaded, tarnished and bad memories -- no matter how that relationship started out, it ended poorly. Her life has always been one of rejection until we intervened. A life of no one  having her back, no one she can depend on. And now, here, she has that. And strangely enough, our family feels complete. Our daughter that I never knew we had was out there all along, trying to make her way home.

And yesterday, she finally arrived. My youngest child, my youngest daughter came home. For good.

Daddy hugs his youngest daughter

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Ever the mystery

The mists roll in,
As the rain gently falls,
And there he stands,
Ever the mystery.

Face like an angel,
Heart as pure,
And by his command,
Ever the mystery.

A smile that brings joy and mischief,
Charming, endearing, enchanting,
And he is perfection,
Ever the mystery.

With songs for the ages,
Strong, vibrant, true,
Speaks to the masses,
Ever the mystery.

Affirmations - Let's turn this around.

I'm not sure what the hell has been going on the last few weeks or month or so, but holy shitballs - back the truck up and lets have a do over shall we??? Too many people are getting sick, dying, having serious issues with work, love, live and health in general. Seemingly more so than usual within my realm. What the fuck is up with this shit? Who ordered this crap? I didn't. It's crap and it can go right back to where it came from, ya know??

I realize life is supposed to have it's perils, pit falls and all round general shit goes of it sometimes...but enough is enough already! Holy crap! For the record, I am very grateful as far as I, myself am concerned. I am; for the most part: only on the peripheral - an observer in the current state of the negative aspects of my "realm" and the goings on in it.

So, for those of you who are needing a shoulder, a hug, an ear, white light, blessings, and or love - consider it sent and done. As cheese-tastic as it sounds, it gets better. Make things happen for yourself. You can control your own life: make some noise, make your mark, and go for it.

I believe in you. Always

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Ramblings - Just me

Most of the time I feel like a square peg in a round hole. Or vice versa. I don't feel like I quite fit in anywhere. I have lots of friends, but I think only a true few actually "get" me. This is a song I know I've sang before. I feel awkward and often like an outsider or "not cool enough". I get upset with myself when people get upset with me and still to this day will turn myself into something I'm not in a vain attempt to fit in, even if it's only for a little while.

I think the worst possible feeling for me is when I can't please everyone. It about breaks me. It's an obsession that no matter how hard and how much I try, or how much I want to... I can't change that about myself. And the rational side of me knows - you can't please everyone all the time. I know that. Deep down at my core - I know this... and yet - I can't help myself. If I forget about someone or something - piss them off, or Gods forbid disappoint someone. The more I care about the person, the more that's it for me. I suppose that's only natural really if I stop and think about it.

I used to go into a spiral and shut down. Now, I just become very sad and disappointed with myself until I can snap myself out of it. I know it's not healthy, I wish I could stop myself...but I can't. It's just who and how I'm built. It's difficult not to do it, and I'll admit I am better than I used to be...but sometimes I just can't help it.

And I've seen all those 80s movies that shows how even the "cool kids" feel like they don't fit in sometimes, and how their world falls apart if they disappoint someone. and you'd think at 42 I'd be okay with me and would have stopped feeling this way. Apparently not.

I'm not looking for sympathies - I'm just venting...and opening up to you about who I am and how I tick.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Geeky gamer girl

I've always been a geek gamer girl. My husband and I met in high school and even when we were dating, we played pen and paper D&D together. It only made sense once the internet came along, and MMORPGs came into the picture that we would move to an online game.

Some of you may be thinking to yourself D&D? MMORwhaa??? Well, let me explain. D&D is Dungeons and Dragons. It's all done with pen, paper, dice and imagination. Sometimes with little maps and figurines but rarely with costumes. I KID. Well... mostly. Sometimes it goes full on "Big Bang Theory" but I've never been a part of those groups - although I know they do exist. MMORPG stands for Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. It's where thousands of other people from all over the world log into a game and play at the same time. They can group together and do quests and kill things. Kind of like Castleville, but with actual interaction and not having to wait 20 minutes for someone to send you a piece of cloth.

But I digress...

My husband and I took a temporary split for a couple of years, during that time EverQuest (AKA 'EQ') was released and my husband bought the game. He began playing, and when we reconcilled I can remember watching him play for the first time. He was getting a "port" to "G-Fay" (Greater Faydark) from "The Commonlands". He (or his character) had done something to fall "out of favour" with the druids so he was standing off to the side away from them so he wouldn't be attacked. He began to explain to me the game and I was amazed. He was on his way to attend an in-game wedding (yes people can and often do "marry" one another, or at least their characters do - it's all a role playing thing) at this Paladin guild in Felwithe. My mind reeled as he quickly ran the path through "G-Fay" heading to this place called Felwithe. He had me "drive" his "toon" while he told me where to go, and how to get there (ha,ha). And that; as they say; was that.

For me to say that we went out directly after the wedding festivities were over to get my own copy of "EQ" so that I could create my own account and play, would not be an understatement. I was amazed and instantly engrossed in this game. Mind = blown.

I can remember arriving at Electronic Boutique (now known as EB Games - I believe it's called Game Stop in the states) to see a myriad of other people shopping for computer and console games. I remember seeing one young fellow (about mid 20s or so, not much younger than I) standing holding the very LAST copy of EQ in his hands that the store had to offer, while he also held a copy of "Dark Ages of Camalot" (or DAOC) in his other hand. While he debated and weighed his options, I used my best jedi mind trick to persuade him in the direction of DAOC. I guess it must have worked because he put EverQuest back on the shelf and walked away with Dark Ages of Camalot. If memory serves I quickly snatched it off the shelf where he had put it and quickly walked up to the cash register before he could change his mind. SCORE!

We went home, forgoing getting me a new desk that night (We had just recently moved back in together and I had no desk to speak of, my computer had sat on a TV table for the better part of 2 weeks) as I was eager to install and create my character. On September 21, 2001 one high elf cleric to rule them all...Cheriqui Honeypies was "born".

I have spent countless hours in these online games. Early mornings and late nights. I won't lie, just like Farmville, Castleville or Candycrush -- it can be addicting. I've seen marriages be destroyed by these games, lies, cheating, but I've also seen friendships and true love blossom out of these games.
I'm not a bar going person, so this was and is my outlet. My social scene before Facebook came along.

The Prelate herself: Mistress Cheriqui Honeypies

I've have had the privilege of meeting a few wonderful people during my gaming "career". People I truly call friend both in game and out. We've moved from game to game together, laughed together and even cried together - hell we've even traveled together in a couple of cases! It's been an experience I certainly would not trade for the world.

Recently, SOE (Sony Online Entertainment) announced their latest endeavors into the realm of EverQuest called "EverQuest Next: Landmark" and "EverQuest Next". These have been long talked about "sequels" to EverQuest and EverQuest II. The release dates for these are within reach (I hope!) and I for one can hardly wait!! I am (and forever shall be) obsessed with the lands of Norrath even though I have played many other games since I began playing EQ, and the lands of Norrath themselves have gone through vast changes since I began playing 12 years ago (level upgrades, graphics upgrades) but it still feels like "home" when I log in.

I don't play as often as I used to. The folks who really made the gaming world for me are currently playing other games, but the moment this new game was announced for the EverQuest franchise - all of my old friends were in touch and were excited about the prospect of going back to some new "old" familiar hunting grounds. We'll have to see what happens when this all comes out, but I'm hoping it's sooner rather than later. This geeky gamer girl needs a fix!!!

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Writing, weird dreams and winter. Oh my!

I feel like I'm going through a change. (No, not that change... that's a few years off I suspect). A metamorphosis if you will. I can feel myself changing, growing both mentally and metaphysically. I can't explain it. It just...is. I wouldn't say I'm evolving...but at the same time I would. Learning, growing, broadening my mind and stretching my wings.

Many have said there's a revolution afoot. And I'm not so sure I'd disagree. It's a time for change. Change in the way we think, change in the way we work, an artistic revolution...a peaceful revolution. Out with the old, and in with the new. Time to take a risk, take a chance and dare to dream. Perhaps even return to an ancient way of thinking with a modern twist. Everything else has been tried...why not try a way of things that hasn't been tried in a millennium or more. But with the technologies and thought processes and knowledge of today. A rebirth and revolution is afoot and that may just be the key.

I'm slowly writing again. Something I've not done in a while. I've missed it. But my writing 'voice' has changed. Switched focus and matured. But not here on my blog...These are still as I have pretty much always written them. Just as if we were talking, carrying on a conversation. Only, I'm the one doing all the talking. Savvy?

I like the direction things are going with my writing, I can see a shape forming and I like it. I've got a direction again. The winds of inspiration are blowing again, the muses and I are back on speaking terms...and that's a good thing. I feel alive...which is funny considering the world (in my neck of the woods) is in the throws of going into it's winter slumber.

On a very slight (MASSIVE) topic tangent... let me speak about my dream I had last night. Last night's dreams were completely weird. Even for me. I dreampt of some twisted sort of "Hunger Games" (almost literally) that my husband was involved in. The final task being some sort of eating contest involving cannibalism, but it was supposed to be 'okay' because the person who they were supposed to dine upon had donated their body when they passed (and had passed naturally). The body had been 'prepared' (read: cooked and literally prepared for eating). It was some sort of honour by the sounds of things and when I questioned my husband, reminding him that he was eating an actual person (that he would have to chew, swallow and keep down) -- he seemed fine with it because it was for a lot of money (10 million dollars or something) and prestige and the person who he was eating had died and donated his body specifically for that purpose. "It's not like he was murdered or anything like that". Apparently, that was supposed to make all of it okay.Talk about taking one for the team!! YUCK!

Then I was in some sort of body shop or garage and there was this stream running down the center of it, there were these little rabbit holes that had cats poking their heads out of them. They were just sort of sitting there just looking around. I remember when I crossed this stream I was barefoot and had to step into the water, but when I stepped out...there was a leach on my foot. I sat down and was picking leaches off my feet and off of other people's feet as well. I have no idea what that meant.

And then there was some sort of quiddich/american football/basketball type game without brooms that was going on. These people dressed in football uniforms flying up and down this football sized field, indoors in the dark (with spot lights), trying to put foot balls through these hoops that hung all along the sides of the field and one at each end. If you got a basket touchdown on the side hoops you got 2 points, one in the end? You got 5. But the players flew....without brooms. Weiiiiiiiird!

For the record, no...I neither drank nor smoked ANYTHING before going to bed.

This is all me - au naturel. SCARY!

Anyway, I think that's it for now. Some exciting things coming up in the next week or so, but I'll save those for some other entries.

One Last Glimpse,

~K