Celebration of life

Today my nephew Brad would have been 17. He passed away last year on October 30th. Any of you who know me well, know I was still riding the post concert high when my world came to a screeching halt. NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING else mattered before or immediately after. For days I was devastated. I still have moments where I am overwhelmed. They are fewer now as more time passes however it doesn't lessen the loss.

I remember when Megan was pregnant with Bradley and how she stayed with us for a brief time in Kingston. Alan was away for a week or so and we were sprawled out on my couch one night having a "girls night in" watching a Steven King mini series (I can't for the life of me remember which one...I just know that's what we were watching. **After cheating and looking it up...it was "The Stand"). I remember her saying that he was kicking. That was the first time I have a vivid memory of Brad. And even from the inside Brad was NOT one of those kids who would (when kicking) be gentle. That kid left a foot indent. It was crazy.

When he passed away in October I was rocked to my core. He was my nephew after all, and out of all of my nieces and nephews he was the one I'd had the most exposure to even with our moving around with Alan's military career. I love them all the same, but he was the one that I had spent the most time with. I had not been out to the crash site, I wasn't ready to go. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to put myself in that place. So I didn't go. Not until today.

When I was told that we were going to go and release balloons in celebration of Brad from the church that is just up the road from the crash site, I was hesitant. Did I want to put myself that close to where he had passed 6 months ago? Could I? But yes, it was time. I had to go. For him and for Megan.

We were running behind, and it was pouring rain today. Of course. Never fails. It wasn't for lack of trying to get out the door. But people were dragging their feet (including myself) and we were about 10 minutes behind heading out the door. I texted Mary saying we were getting the balloons and on our way at 1:15 (we were meeting at 1:30). She phoned me at 1:35 asking where we were (rightfully so), we literally screeched to a stop in the church parking lot. Climbed out of the car, said a quick hello to Megan (Alan's sister - Brad's Mom), listened to Mary's speech and released the balloons. Brad (for unknown reasons) had dyed his usually bright ginger hair to a bright green colour the night (or a few nights prior) of his passing. Thoughts are that he had done it for Halloween, but no one really knows for sure.  I thought Megan was going to fall over however when she saw is she started laughing so hard. Alan, Lexi, Adam and I had all used coloured hair spray and sprayed green in our hair like Brad had green in his hair the night he had passed. She was overjoyed and laughed saying "OH MY GOD I LOVE IT!!". I was elated. She; as I had when I conceived the idea; thought it was a perfect memorial to Brad and his memory.

Balloons to heaven (the ones in the foreground middle are the ones Alan, the kids and I released)

Today was far less emotional than I thought it would be. I didn't stand long out at the crash site, but I stood there in the wind and rain for a few moments having a silent birthday conversation with Bradley. I got back in the car before Alan who upon getting in to the car, handed me a piece of 'the car'...still... six months on...that had been nestled in the grass waiting. With that simple piece of plastic in my hand...I know Brad heard me.

Happy Birthday Bman! Peace, yo! 

~K

Continuing Stories of a Gas Bar Glamazon

I did not always aspire to work at a gas bar/station. I didn't wake up one morning as a young, impressionable youth and think to myself "Someday, when I grow up...I want to work in a thankless job for minimum wage, where people can be random assholes to me when things don't go their way." No, let me assure you dear readers, I didn't. However, I can also assure you, as sure as I'm sitting here, at said thankless, minimum wage job where random people can be assholes. EVERYTHING you are about to read is 100% true. (And that thought scares the crap out of me). These people are out there, they look normal enough (some of them) but at any given moment...there they are....ASSHOLES! (cue dramatic organ music)

I've been here for a year and a half now. And I sort of fell into this job. My brother in law owns the "sister" store to this one in the city, and someone he knew was opening this location. He told her I was seeking employment, that I was a good person, trustworthy, and reliable (yep he lied his ass off! - kidding!) So after sitting down for a chat one November afternoon, she hired me. I pretty much already had the job and was handed it, the interview was more of a formality than anything else. If you even want to call it an interview. She didn't really interview me, we just basically sat down and hammered out hours, wage and if or not I needed any specific days off. The rest of the "interview" was us jokingly knocking my brother in law in a good natured way. Hands down BEST. INTERVIEW. EVER. The fact that I love my boss only adds to it. And a great boss can make ALL the difference in the world.

HOWEVER...

It's a Saturday and I'm working, which I haven't done in a dogs age. Jessy (my eldest daughter) usually works this thankless shift, however she's in Toronto this weekend with friends at an Anime convention and so here I sit working. And let me let you in on a little secret. It sucks. Hardcore. I'm tired (my own fault) and a wee bit cranky. I have however held my tongue (at least twice now by my count) and I've been a good girl. I know I'm JUST as surprised as you are!!!

The only entertainment I have had today is the Tweet duo Eurovision play by play by The LeBonsez (Simon and Amber respectively). They tend to agree on most acts however Amber seemed more in favour of the male topless France act than her Father. Hrm, i wonder why?

Today (of course) people have been total idiots. I know you're saying to yourself "Say it ain't so Kendra!" Oh...but I do say so my dear lovelies. Sad but true, the idiots abound. I had one customer drive up to a pump that had a big red "X" through a card (debit or credit) on the display, indicating to the non English speaking folk that the pay at the pump option was not available. So...what did this customer do? You betcha! He rammed his credit card in the slot and screwed the pump up so badly, that no one can use it. So I put a bright crimson "Out of Order" bag over the pump nozzle.

Now...what do you think happened next? YEP! Idiot_01 drove up, looked at the bag, read it, LIFTED the bag, put it back down, looked at it again. Then proceeded to lift the nozzle on the pump and put it into his tank. Am I on candid fucking camera right now?! I LOST it. I got on the PA system and said: "Sir. That pump is "OUT OF ORDER" You can tell it's out of order by the bright red bag over the nozzle that you just looked at. You will have to move to another pump". I was aggressive (probably more so than I should have been) but to be honest, and in my own defense. He read the frickin sign TWICE. And he spoke perfectly good English and I know he can read, so it wasn't like he had an excuse except that he's a dumbass. Ya know?

I'm done here in 40 minutes, and it won't be a moment too soon. I welcome it, with open arms. I'm off tomorrow, I have plans that on an emotional level I'm really not looking forward to. But after today...I'd rather be there...than here.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

Randomness from the mind of a Glamazon

It's Sunday, May 20th 2012...I am at work and for reasons only known to Gods and Muses I am feeling fantastic. I certainly slept no better or worse than any other night although I know I did sleep very deeply. I have zero recollection of dreams, although I am aware of the fact that I did dream. I have the recollection of dreaming, but not of what the dreams were about. Perhaps my mood is because I know come the end of this shift I won't be in until Thursday. Three whole glorious, blissful days off. Spectacular.

My birthday is rapidly approaching and like always, I welcome it. I know a lot of women my age always have this impending doom when it comes to their birthday. Not me. I LOVE it when it's my birthday. I always have. In 15 days on June 5th I will be 41 and Alan (my hubby) will be 43. We share the same birthday, which I always thought was so very cool. He always tells people I was his 2nd birthday gift that he had to wait sixteen years to get. I adore my husband. Last year he gave me the best birthday ever. Between my party, and his amazing gift of my four stringed goddess (my bass guitar)...I was completely gobsmacked and blown away. By everyone really...I couldn't believe it. People I have known almost all my life...people I thought I knew inside and out...got one past me! ME!!! Buggers. I love them all.

Next weekend (Sunday) would have been my nephew Brad's 17th birthday. We've been invited over to my sister in law Megan's house to get together. She wants to go out to the crash site and release balloons. I've not been out there. In fact, I've avoided it like the plague. I went out to visit my friend Nat's mother with her a few months ago and asked if we could take an alternate route. She complied understanding completely. I wasn't ready to drive past there, I don't know that I'm ready even now, but I've got to go. For Megan, for Brad and for myself.

One Last Glimpse.

~K
RIP Robin Gibb :(

Once Upon a Time...

Growing up in the 70's there was one unalienable, unavoidable truth. Disco. Loved it or hated it, it was very prevalent and helped shape an era. I think above almost all else that is one of the things I held dear, which helped shape me and meld me into the person I am today, was the music. You cannot mention disco music without speaking of the Queen: Donna Summer.

I can remember going to Toronto to visit my Uncle in November around, near or on the weekend of my Dad's birthday (November 6th). Every year Toronto has a massive Santa Claus parade and we would always go. This one weekend happened to be my Dad's birthday. I have a memory of going to the Eaton's Center (a mall downtown) with my family (2 uncles, an Aunt, Dad, 2 cousins my sister and myself) and going down the street into a Sam the Record Man (This MASSIVE store on Young Street) with my Uncle Jim, cousins and sister. This store was HUGE. I've already blogged about my love of the vinyl, but this...THIS was my holy land. My wailing wall, my Vatican.

I can remember flipping through the records with my Uncle trying to find the PERFECT gift for my Dad. I'm not sure why we ended up selecting the Donna Summer album ("Donna Summer: Live and More") or who in the end, made the final decision as to which album we were getting. I can remember thinking that this woman, who I had never heard of ; as far as I was aware; looked so extraordinarily glamorous on the front of the album and I was intrigued to know what she sounded like. I knew my Dad would want to put the album on once he unwrapped it and I couldn't wait!

It wasn't until much later that I found out the impact and what an icon she had become for the gay community. To me (even now) none of that matters, I try not to get into the politics when it comes to music; if at all possible; if a musician is good, that's all that matters. The music. And hers was unbelievable. I always liked Donna Summer, but I think hands down; for sentimental reasons; my favorite song was "Fairy Tale High" followed closely by "Enough is Enough" a duet she did with another gay icon; the incomparable, Barbra Streisand. 

I'm sad today because it feels like a piece of my childhood has died with Donna's passing. However she left us one fantastic legacy and gift to remember her by. The music.

One....Last Dance...

~K

DDdreamin'

It's been a while I think since I had my last Duran dream (that I can remember anyway). I've dreamed a lot lately about my Mom, Mother in Law and Nephew (all passed). Or normal things that would seem "mundane" and really mean nothing to anyone but me. But I digress...

Last night I dreamed that I was sitting side stage at the front (but ON the stage) at a concert of some sort. Andy was there playing with them (but was VERY young). At one point Roger walked past me to a chest of drawers behind me and started looking through it for drumsticks while the band was still playing. His cue was coming up, so he began throwing the sticks over his head in a panic looking for the right set. Either eventually finding them or in fear he'd miss his cue, he hot footed it back to his drum kit and resumed playing.

Later Simon, John and Andy were sitting on Roger's drum kit riser. I remember getting the feeling like they were filming one of those cheesy 1970's TV variety specials. John and Simon were sitting there with Andy on the riser reminiscing, when Simon took John's hand and said to him in a TOTAL cheesefest moment: "If I had to take this journey with anyone....I'm glad I took it with you Johnny". I remember John grinning big and then the two of them doing this fake mellow dramatic cry and embrace. Then John gave Simon a really big kiss on the lips and then them cracking up about it. I seem to recall Andy throwing his head back laughing like it was the funniest thing ever.

The next thing I can remember is standing in some sort of gift shop with John and discussing with him the North American tour.  I got the impression (not sure why) that there was 8 or 10 Canadian dates alone (so this was a MAJOR tour). I also recall his appearance while still relatively the same age being different. His hair I think? Longer maybe? Or perhaps a throwback 80's style of some sort? I'm not sure. I just know it wasn't the same as it currently is. I remember I asked him if he was prepared for the North American girls. He grinned and said in a cocky tone "I think I can handle them". I smirked and said just as cheekily back "Are you sure there John? North American women are a whooooole different animal". To which he slipped his sunglasses on, licked his lips and smiled before he said "I'm counting on it".

Bastard.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Oh really? Ya!

So, I had to laugh when they announced the two dates here in Ontario. I figured that there would be a date in Ontario, although I didn't expect it to be the Air Canada Center again in all honesty. I had thought/hoped perhaps it might either be The Molson Amphitheater (always a great place for a concert in my opinion) in Toronto or Copps Colosseum in Hamilton (both locations Duran Duran have played in the past if memory serves) or perhaps maybe even (dare to dream) here in London at the John Labatt Center. Although having said that, I'm a little vexed there has been no west coast, mid province or east coast dates mentioned. There rightfully should be as they were missed the first time around.

But then they announced it would be in Orillia. Orillia? Seriously?? For not just one show but...TWO? REALLY?? In ORILLIA?? Orillia is a small (30,000ish) population community about an hour and a half north of Toronto. It's fairly small and pretty rural. You may as well slap a pair of jean coveralls on Nick Rhodes with a straw hat, some hip waders and set him on top of a John Deere tractor because honestly folks...unless they're going to gamble for two days at the casino where they're playing, that may just be the most excitement and entertainment they'll see. It's heavy duty farming, cottage, and camping country up there...and I no more see Nick on a tractor than I do camping in a tent. Although both would be hilariously amusing.

@Barbarella_5 suggested perhaps John will be spotted strolling the isles of the local Walmart which made me seriously scream with laughter while at work this evening. Can you IMAGINE??

All I can suggest to you boys...bring a book or two. If you're lucky, they may have heard of that new fangled thing called the "interwebs" by the time you get up there. OH and bring a can of "Off" mosquito spray - yer gonna need it!

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Still Dancing...30 years on

The quintessential 80's album "Rio" is 30 today. Wow. Could it be? Where does the time go? Its mind boggling really. I was a mere 10 years old when Rio came out in May of 1982, one month shy of my 11th birthday and another 4 months before I would even know who Duran Duran even were. So much life ahead of me. So many things to learn and know. In retrospect, it's all amazing.

Rio was (and still is) a fantastic Duran album. It really set a new standard for the 80's sound as well as videos. It proved you could have style, class and look damn fine in a suit but still have a flash of guyliner flair about you. Whimsical and romantic Duran Duran stormed the world. And who were we to resist?

Duran managed to seamlessly interweave the funk of disco,  the glam of glam rock, and as well they tossed in a bit of punk-esque aire into the mix. Unique and extraordinary was the final product known as Duran Duran.  They bred a new era...they were and are the New Romantics.

Not all Duran albums were made equal (and they seldom ever are) Rio is probably one of the best albums Duran has ever produced, however their most recent "All you need is now" is a brilliant album in it's own right. Proving yet again why Duran Duran is king at what they do.

Happy Birthday Rio. May there be many more years of "dancing on the sand" with you and the "Band designed to make you party".

One Last Glimpse,

~K