Inspiration comes in the strangest forms

Inspiration can come from the oddest of places. Sometimes it's something big and bold and flashy like a musical number with 76 trombones and a big parade. (Sorry if THAT song is stuck in your head for the rest of the day you musical lovers, but rest assured the entire score of "The Music Man" is now permeating my inner earwurm. So, you are not alone.). Sometimes it's a photograph or piece of imagery you capture a glimpse of. Or sometimes, it's something you read that inspires.

The other day, I read; by random chance; a blunt, frank, honest, beautiful, heart breaking, bold, articulate, intelligent blog entry by a young woman named Zoe Nash-Taylor. Who is; like all young women her age; pushing her boundaries and finding out "who she wants to be when she grows up". But her entry was so inspiring and ahead of where I know I was at her age maturity wise (even though I had 2 children at that point). I think, if she is recognizing and finding herself at such a young age (22), what I didn't/wouldn't/couldn't see in myself until I was 40 - she will go far in this world.

This entry has touched me deeply and came at a time in my life where I found myself stagnant. Stagnant in my writing, photography, bass playing...just about anything artistic. And my weight loss; that ever constant noose around my neck; has found a new inspiration too. Now, after reading this entry, by this young woman whom I've never met, by random happenstance, I realize that she has lit that fire again in me that I was missing and that I let dwindle over the last few months. I can never thank her enough for that kick in the pants that I was so sorrily needing.

I think I had forgotten, somehow in these last few months that I'm not just 'okay' and I let those same old fears creep in. Those 'what ifs'. She reminded me in  her entry that I'm not alone, and I am worthy of being me and that I am worth something. She reminded me people DO love me unconditionally and I am worthy of that love and that I love them back just as fiercely.

I look to the future with promise and inspiration. Promise in myself, promise of the best me I can be and inspiration that I was lacking to continue my own personal journey.

And to you Zoe; should you read this; I'd like to give you a few words of wisdom if I may. As cliche as this is going to sound, as 80's John Hughes movie it may be... don't aim to be who your parents are, or who you think they want you to be. They had their own journey and story to write in this big, crazy world. They made their own mistakes, and crosses to bear no matter how successful they are. If you spend your life comparing yourself to the mark they left, no matter how far you get - you will perceive it to be a short coming by comparison. Be who you are, be yourself, who you want to be. Don't define yourself by your friends or family and don't try to live up to what you think their standards are. I honestly thought my parents had lofty standards for my sister and I, unobtainable ones. In the end, they just wanted my sister and I to be happy. Your family will love you and be proud of you no matter what. Your true friends will always be there for you...and if they're not there when you need them the most, be wary. You've got "it". You know you do, you just need to let go of those "what ifs" and take the leap.

I look forward to hearing about and from you in the future young lady, you've got spunk, fire and talent and I admire you. THANK YOU for inspiring me and reminding me of something I'd forgotten.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Gas Bar Glamazon: Mess with the bull...you know the rest.

I know I'm cranky today. I know I'm bordering on miserable. I know my period is coming and I slept for complete and utter shite last night. BUT...I have kept myself remarkably in check today and haven't snapped or been snarky to anyone. Well...almost no one.


I just had a gentleman in on the now infamous outside line (Pay at the pump). To his credit he DID try to pay with his credit card at the pump first. I'm not sure why it wouldn't work. I just know that it kept refusing his card. I politely informed him how to insert his card, and if it didn't work he would have to come inside to do a pre-pay OR alternatively move to a different inside pump.


I'm busy right now – I wasn't earlier, but I am now...I don't have time for bullshit and stupidity or attitude. I can see him out of the corner of my eye trudging in towards me. I don't think he was any older than 60 (at oldest) but I can tell he's got an attitude. He comes in and proceeds to wing the card toward me informing me “There's NOTHING wrong with MY card!!” and then in a snarky tone adds “Yet another reason to go back to Shell I guess.”.


WRONG ATTITUDE TO PULL. Now, I got a little put out by this boys and girls and I MAY have retorted something along the lines of: “If you'd like to go to Shell, I can cancel this prepay if you like.”. I have never seen anyone of my customers look at me quite as shocked as he did. But I was annoyed, pissed off and more than a little bit put out. I don't get paid enough to take anybody's crap or attitude – and if you want to go else where to get your gas – by all means – have at it.


He stared at me as I extended his card and receipt out to him (for his prepay) and when he didn't take it, I said “WELL?” in a rather...I'll admit it...huffy tone. He took the card back from me THANKED ME in a COMPLETELY different tone, smiled and went out to his car, pumped his gas and left.


BWAHAHAHHAA


One Last Glimpse,


~K

Sleep? What's that?

I didn't sleep well last night. In fact, I should still be in bed. It's 5:54am, I've been up for a little over a half an hour now and I just could not get back to sleep -- so here I am. I have to work today at 3pm (fabulous) and I've had probably 3-4 hours of sleep at this point (fantastic). So I will definitely be going back for a nap before work today...that is, assuming I'll be able to sleep.

As I sit here at write this, I'm feeling very strange. Like with every motion, I feel almost like I'm out of my body. This kids, is what lack of sleep does to me. Not good. I feel very puppetized (I know that's not a word) or marionette like. I feel like every movement I make is deliberate and calculated and not my own.

I know I'll feel better once I get a little more sleep. Outside of feeling "not myself" I feel fine. It's just an odd feeling, know what I mean?

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Rest in peace: Art Christmas

As I have mentioned before my Mom (when I was a child) belonged to a local singing group. Today I found out that their leader/conductor passed away. I am completely broken up over this. I feel as though I have lost another piece of my childhood.

I haven't had contact with Art in many years (probably about 10 or so). But our last communication (after my Mom passed away) was via email and was very sweet and endearing. He spoke in high regard of my Mom, sister and I.  This was a man who clearly cared about those who had touched his life.

So as I sit here, shedding tears intermittantly I think of you Art Christmas, and all the laughter, charisma and song you brought into my life. Thank you so very much for those treasured memories. I can almost hear you, Uncle Ken and Mom singing and laughing up a storm already.

Rest in peace Art.

~K

Humorous tale from a Gasbar Glamazon

As much as I bitch about my customers... every now and again I get one that absolutely makes my day and sometimes on rare occasion makes my week. Today I had just such a customer.

It's Sunday, and it's gorgeous out. The kind of day where you'd rather be ANYWHERE but at work let alone indoors at work. I didn't want to work today, but unfortunately don't have an alternative. I have not won the lottery (yet!!) and until I do...you do the best with what you have. Know what I mean sweethearts?

A gentleman comes in, not too much older than I – probably 5 to 8 years and walks over to our “automotive” shelves. He spies what he needs grabs it and walks over to me placing two containers of break fluid down in front of me. At which point he declares without hesitation: “I've gone soft, I hate it when that happens.” I tilt my head sort of like a dog trying to do a math puzzle, honestly debating on if I should burst out laughing (the voices in my head WAY ahead of me on that one) or just let it slide. At which point HE hangs his head and chuckles and says “Well that was highly inappropriate. I am so VERY sorry.”. So I burst out laughing, and as I'm laughing I can feel my face go scarlet.

I said to him “I'm not sure what to say, I've never had this happen to me before”. At which point HIS face goes beat red and he starts laughing. I realize I'm only making matters worse, but I've gotten a laugh so I'm okay with that.

He says to me, again apologizing “I've taken the last two. I'm sorry.” I said “Well, whoever comes along behind you soft, looking for help is going to be told to go elsewhere then I guess because I'm tapped out and spent.”

This brings a roar of laughter from this gentleman whose name I don't even know. At which point his receipt pops out of the machine and our “transaction” is complete. I ask him if he wants his receipt to which he replies that he “wants no evidence of his inappropriate behaviour”.

Sometimes...when the world spins backwards...and the sky is blue...I love my job.

One Last Glimpse,


~K