It's 4:10am. I'm awake. While this is nothing new, it's seriously getting old as of late. Outside of being shot with a tranquilizer dart, I'm clueless as to what to try to get to sleep. Mind you, the fact that my loving husband is upstairs snoring like a buzz saw right this very moment doesn't help matters.
I seem to go in cycles where I have this problem. I'll go for months, sometimes years where I will have no problems falling asleep at night...and then I'll have bouts seemingly for months where it will be shitty sleep for days at a time for me. It sucks.
Part of my problem lately is I find I'm in a creative lull it seems. Nothing, NOTHING I write story wise seems good enough, and I hate to force it to come, because then it will be utter crap and drivel that I'll only have to end up re-writing anyway. And I know, I'm not deluding myself into some false sense of not having to do any re-writes, I know I will. But I'd like the first draft to at least...be quasi interesting and entertaining. Know what I mean?
And I feel I'm edgy because I'm not writing, I almost feel like I'm letting people down somehow. Who those people are exactly I'm not entirely sure. The muses maybe?? I don't know. Maybe I'm being foolish. But I've come to discover, I don't like not writing. It's like I'm missing a part of myself, sort of an extension of me. I guess it's like someone who smokes who hasn't had a drag in a while....I'm jones'ing for a good writing fix.
Just one little chapter to get me through, come on man...I need it bad!!
Let it flow, let it flow. It will come...relax and just let it flow. Right? That's what the voices keep telling me anyway...
One Last Glimpse,
~K
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