Monday, 16 April 2012

The Continuing Aventures of a Gas Bar Glamazon

Today is relatively quiet at work by comparison to last weeks insanity. I am; to be honest; thankful for that. I'm not having a good day emotionally and I really don't want to deal with anyone's bullshit even less today than I do any other time.

I am exhausted from this past weekend with Jeff and Zaryn visiting even though I was off all weekend. I didn't sit still for long though at all this weekend. And I haven't slept well since about Wednesday of last week and it's starting to show and take it's toll.

Don't get me wrong, I had a great time visiting with family friends. I really did. I always do. I don't want Jeff to fly back to Vancouver because with almost 100% certainty the next time I see him - I won't want to. His younger sister has cancer and most likely the next time he comes home will be because she has died or is about to. And knowing that...SUCKS. The biggest problem when that time comes will be Jeff's Mother. She honestly has her head so far into denial (De Nile)  she's got a summer home there.

This only of course adds to the fact that I don't want to be here. And of course again...let's add to that shall we? Let the joys out at pumps 6 and 8 begin!! I just had some idiot pull in...and so of course I tell him that they're pay at the pump only. And that my dear readers is where the fun began.

The following; without exaggeration for amusement; is the conversation and events which ensued. As per usual no names have been changed to protect the innocent (not that I know the doofus' name -- but if I wouldn't be changed) .

I inform him; over the PA that he needs to pay at the pump. He slams the pump nozzle down back into the cradle, FLIPS ME OFF, gets into his penis compensation-mobile and revs the shit out of the engine when he starts it. He guns out of the spot he's in and comes to a screeching halt in the handicapped parking behind me. He comes in, stares at me slamming both his keys and his wallet down on the counter.

I blink at him a couple of times and then cock an eyebrow at him (JT would have been proud) and say: "Hello..."

Customer: "Do you mean to tell ME I have to pay you BEFORE I pump my gas??!"

Me: "Just at those two extreme outside pumps sir. The rest you can..."

Customer (cutting me off): "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???! (now laughing sarcastically) I have just deposited a 1.5 MILLION dollar cheque in my bank account!!!"

Because apparently I'm supposed to be impressed by this new found knowledge, and evidently I'm not showing the enthusiasm he desired by imparting this information upon me. He slams his hand down on the counter again.

Customer: "Oh fuck this then...CLEARLY I'm not getting through to you. OBVIOUSLY there's a disconnect there somewhere and you don't understand." this point...a rare "red mist" moment occurs with Kenny. They're rare, few and far between but those who have witnessed them in the past can attest, they do occur and have happened. Normally I would just stand there and say nothing, was not that day.

Me: "Sir, let me assure you (I'm leaned forward toward him now, speaking in a low, calm voice not breaking eye contact) I could care less about how much money you have, or don't have in your bank. It's NOT my business. All I care about is that the gas you pump gets paid for. It's NOT going to change the fact that pumps 6 and 8 in the outside lane are STILL pay at the pump.  If you choose to pre-pay...we can do that. But for you to drive here, and inform me of your financial status only informs me of two things. That you're insecure and you're desperately trying to compensate for something you lack. Now, if you DON'T wish to pay at the pump you can go to any other pump you wish except the outside lane. Those pumps are pay. at. the. pump. ONLY."

At this point he stares at me blankly. Absolute and complete gobsmackedness (it's a Kendraism roll with it Jnae LMAO) is what stares back at me. Judging by the look on his face, it was obvious that no one has spoken to him like that in quite some time and isn't sure how to process it. I got a meek "Well okay then..." as he turned on his heel and walked out, and got in his car. He pulled up to pump five (one of the NON pay at the pump pumps) AND PAYS AT THE PUMP FOR HIS GAS. I burst out laughing. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? What a goof.

One Last Glimpse,



  1. OH MY GOOOOOOODDDD are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking serious? HOLY HELL. Way to go kenny!! What a douche bag LOL

    1. COMPLETELY 100% serious. I couldn't believe it. He's lucky the glass was between he and I otherwise there could have been bloodshed.

  2. hahahah LOVE that you called him out on his need for penis compensation hhahahahaha Awesome.