Mary Catharine Mungar: My Mary-Cat

When Alan and I started dating, I was 16...he was 18. He was my first serious boyfriend, and not only was he the one that I lost my virginity to...but he was also ultimately "The One".

Alan is the oldest of 7 children. Some are full siblings, some are step and one is a half sibling. It matters not which are which. They see each other as brothers and sisters as they should. From oldest to youngest they are: Alan, Rob, Dan, Megan, Christine, Maureen and Mary.

Through various stages I have had close relationships with each of them. They're good people who (like everyone) have their flaws and foibles but are good people whom I love and care for very deeply.

For some reason; right from the get go; my youngest sister (in law) and I have hit it off. I used to go to pick her up from kindergarten and she would always get so excited when she saw me. She always had the biggest, warmest hug for me every time I saw her. She still does and I cherish that. Very deeply.

Maybe it's because I didn't treat her like a "little kid" or a child. Maybe it's because I always watched tv with her when she asked, maybe it's because I always said "yes" when she'd ask me to play cards with her. Just an FYI Mar, I never EVER "let you win" it's not my thing. I just sucked! Ha! Ha!

Mary is a spectacularly caring, loving, and nurturing individual. She is; by far; the hands down favourite Aunt out of all her nieces and nephews. Simply because while she is the "cool" Aunt...she also keeps them in line and keeps them all in check. She can also be a drama-mama but is fully aware of that aspect of her personality and tries to avoid it like the plague or have it surface as little as she can manage it.

Mary is not only my sister (in law) but also my friend. Ours is a unique relationship and I am thankful for her more than I could ever put into words. It's a true honour to know the beautiful, young woman she has become and I am so very proud of her. As she should be of herself.

Mary-Cat my Mary-Cat,

 I am so proud of you. You're smart, funny, beautiful and loving. Everything I know your Mom hoped you would be. You are a strong, brave woman who has at times had difficulties tossed her way. Always know that you are loved by so many here and gone. They knew you loved them just as much as they loved you.

 Also...never forget the following: Please Don't Go Girl, because you've got the Right Stuff. You're my Cover Girl, my Valentine Girl, and my Favourite Girl. Even if it's 2 in the Morning, in the Summertime, you know if you take it Step by Step Tonight I'll be Loving You Forever. So Whatcha Gonna Do About it? Just keep Hangin Tough...because I Need You...and have a Funky, Funky Christmas.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Open Letter #3 - Ray

I had a dream of you yesterday. You played a significant role within the dream; although I don't remember the details. I just remember you played a prominent part within the dream. It's likely someone trying to tell me that I need to fix things with you. Hell for all I know it could have been you trying to tell me we need to fix things. But truthfully, I did nothing I have to fix. I was open and honest just as you had asked me (us) to be. And you got mad. End of. You can't have it both ways. Either you wanted us to be open, honest and mature about the situation and speak to each other about it when we felt the need to like you said you wanted...or you wanted a lie with a straight face. Apparently the latter was the correct one.

Truth be told (and I still stand by this a year later) you should have told your wife first. Well no; you shouldn't have married her in the first place. You should have spared her the pain, embarrassment, and humiliation of when this all comes out - and it WILL come out. You're not that good of an actor. Not to mention the fact that you have a reputation that proceeds you for torpedoing your relationships...stretching all the way back to high school. Romantic and otherwise. I wish I knew why. I don't even think you know why.

I wish we could square this shit away. I do. But you are so fucking stubborn. You'll never admit you were in the wrong. You'd be more inclined to just message me one day like there was nothing wrong, like nothing ever happened. And I wish I could move forward and be okay with that; with no apology; but I don't think I could be.

I'm not mad at you anymore though. I'm not angry when I think about you like I was. I'm not saying Alan didn't say some serious shit, but truthfully, honestly, if you think about it...really think about it...He was right. And you know it. I think that's why you're so pissed off. And why you've not gotten in touch. Because you know...to a certain extent...he's right.

I miss you though. We got close again before you did this. And what's funny is, I never realized that I was even missing you until we started talking. Funny. I guess everything happens for a reason. Life goes on. Mine has. Without you in it. But that was your decision; not mine; and that's the way things go I guess.

I hope you're well, I hope you're happy, and I hope someday...maybe even soon...our paths cross again.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Chaos reigns supreme

Ever since I got back from the Duran experience life seems to be chaotic at best. Nothing seems to make sense and I suppose that that is quasi normal since the family has been thrown into turmoil last week with the sudden passing of my nephew Brad. He was so young (16) and part of me still can't get over it all. It seems very surreal. Almost like I've got my head underwater and everything I hear, see and listen to is that murky underwater gurgle sound. Nothing intelligible.

I'm very sorry to you my dear readers for seemingly slacking on this blog, but since returning from Duran, then Brad's death and funeral I have been unmotivated, disinclined and generally lazy ever since. This week though, I plan to be productive. Writing, playing my bass (which I haven't done in about a month). It will be good and do me some good to get back to my routine. And I say bring it on!

Today while sleeping before work I had a dream with an ex-friend in it. One I haven't spoken to in well over a year. Do I still give a shit about him? Yes, of course, but honestly at this stage in the game...I don't feel that the friendship is repairable. It's very fractured, very complicated and a lot of words would have to be spoken and repaired before I could even entertain the idea of repairing the friendship. Could it ever be done? Perhaps...but not now. But I do miss him a great deal more than I ever thought I would.

I know some of you are probably wondering what happened. And to be truthful without going into a huge amount of detail and spilling someone else's secrets I really cannot say. Suffice to say, it's left our friendship broken and shattered. And at one point that made me mad. VERY mad. Just so you are aware. It IS possible to piss me off. If you press that right button...I can and have gone nuclear. Which to be honest is very much off the beaten path for me. I'm not the kind of person who gets mad easily - but when you do piss me off...look out. I think I try to remain as calm as possible for as long as possible because I know myself well enough to know and recognize in myself that I have a bad temper...when provoked.

ANYWAY! That is not what this blog entry was about! Not that it really was "about" anything in particular. But in any event...here we are.

I think I desperately need to take time this week just to take a moment, take a few deep breaths and get myself in order. The sooner, the better. I'll let you know how it turns out.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

Forever loved: A memorandum

One of my nephews passed away suddenly and tragically Sunday morning. It was completely unexpected and it has left me off kilter and out of sorts since. I loved my nephew Brad, as I love all of my nieces and nephews. I have tried in vain to write something about him since and it wasn't until this afternoon while at work, I found my words.


I was sitting here today at work, sad and despondent about the untimely, and unexpected passing of my nephew. And I really truly wanted to be sad. It was just one of those moments where I was happy being melancholy which to be truthful is so far from who I am, and what I embody it's never a good thing when I get into that frame of mind. It's not who I am. Typically I'm happy go lucky. I don't tend to look or go to "the dark place". I never have. Today for a while...I did. I had no music on (by choice) to pull me out of my depression and funk I found myself in. No texting. Just work. I could feel myself slipping further into sadness and being forlorn and I was okay with that. I wasn't in tears although I could have easily been, but truthfully since Sunday morning everything has just been completely surreal.

I'm brokenhearted. Without going into huge long winded detail; while Bradley was not my eldest nephew, he was the first one I ever held. And despite all his problems, I truly adored Brad. I loved him so very much and now he's gone. And I can never have him back. I can never have another hug from him and hear him say "Love you Aunt Kendra". I'm fucking angry, I won't candy-coat it. I'm fucking pissed and enraged that he's gone. But, I have no idea who to be angry with...which of course pisses me off even more. Should I be angry with Brad for doing what he did? I just don't know. He was 16 for fuck sakes, a baby...just starting his life. He had a girl friend, and said he was "in love" but like every teenager, each new relationship he was "in love".

He was no innocent, but at the same time and in the same breath he was completely innocent. He had been in trouble with the law a few times for stupid little things (it's not that what he did wasn't serious, but he didn't kill anyone is what I'm driving at). More often than not it was a case of trying to impress his friends and he had gotten caught. He was noble - took the fall at least once for a friend who of course he was adamant would do the same thing for him. He was always there for family and friends when they needed him - to a fault. It's my belief this flaw or fault is what ultimately killed him.

Now he'll never know true love, never have kids, never get married and never grow old like I always thought that he would.

I'm sitting here at work today thinking about this. Not being uplifted or happy...nor really did I want to be. Since his passing I have had a song (which Simon dedicated to "passed loved ones" at the show on Thursday) "Ordinary World" has been creeping around in my head almost on repeat. Brad wasn't a Duran fan, but for whatever reason, the song has been stuck.

So here I am, in my funk...my mourning for my nephew, for myself enjoying my little pity party I'm having in full swing, my self wallowing sadness with "Ordinary World" playing for the millionth time in my head. At this point a gentleman came in; whom I have never seen in the store before; and placed his keys down on the counter to pay for his gas. He had multiple keychains and fobs off different rings all interlocking. One of his key chains I noticed was the new logo - the Duran pink "D". I admit I looked at it a couple of times thinking to myself that there is no way I'm actually seeing what I think I'm seeing. But there it was.

I sighed to myself after he left and chose to take it as a sign from the Muses, The Gods and my nephew Brad...to move forward. And while it's fine to cry, be sad and remember him...you have to move forward, move on and keep keeping on...because as cliche as it sounds: All you need...is now...because it's all you have.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Duran Duran: My trip down the rabbit hole: A reflection, realization & some "really fucking tasty" cake

Let me preface this blog by saying the following: I made a conscious decision after Simon hurt his voice and they announced the North American tour dates that I would not watch any of the youtube footage that would invariably end up online. I would gladly listen to other people's accounts of their experiences and admire their photos but did not want to actually hear or watch any of the show if I could at all help it. I managed to avoid videos and my own curiosity. I wanted my first Duran Duran live experience to be my own, not someone else's.
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I had thought; prior to my first Duran experience; that I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I had thought; like so many others before me; that I would go to Toronto and have the honour of seeing my favourite  musician(s) (singular or plural); performing for the first time. But, if I'm being honest with myself and with you...it was far more than that for me.

Back in 1982, the first time I ever heard the dulcet tones of Duran Duran I think I subconsciously put them up on a pedestal and have tried since then (in vain) to find another musical act; who in my mind; I could compare them to. One that left me as fulfilled, awakened, electrified, and thrilled me as much as Duran has both then and now. But none have yet to surpass them.

In my 29 years of being a fan of Duran Duran as a whole, as well as it's compartmentalized counterparts, I never thought the Duran concert experience would effect and touch me the way that it has.

A band called Neon Trees opened for Duran on this leg of the tour. Their music; much like Duran's is catchy and honestly the lead singer has a great voice, he's very dynamic and really knows what works. The drummer is phenomenal and they have a great sound.

In between Neon Trees and Duran taking to the stage, we had the privilege of finally getting to meet two of the lovely ladies myself and my friend Rachel tweet and facebook with. Kristina (@kristinapod) and Christine (@barbarella_5) are truly just as lovely and vivacious in person as they are online. Truly both gorgeous ladies  inside and out and it was great to meet them both!

Our seats were 2nd row from the front and we were pretty much dead centre. It was incredible to be close...very close to the stage. We could see every smile, wink, nod, and gesture that they gave to one another onstage. It was a little surreal to be able to actually read their lips during conversations they would have amongst themselves. I almost felt as if I were eavesdropping at times.

When the lights went down, there was this massive roar that started at the back of the arena and rushed forth from behind me. I can only liken it to a massive wave rushing headlong towards the shore at breakneck speed and then crashing against the rocks and exploding upward.

Instrumental music met my ears (one of the vignette interludes from All you Need is Now - "Return to Now") and at that very moment my 29 years of waiting, and anticipation of seeing this band, these icons, my idols rushed up at me and I was overwhelmed.

I watched Nick Rhodes and Roger Taylor take their positions, I saw the silhouette of John Taylor walk onto the stage. This man who I have not only had a crush on but have moreover idolized as a musician since I was 13 take his rightful position and then the shadowy silhouette of Simon Le Bon appeared at the back of the stage.

My breath caught, I remember (sort of) chuckling in an odd off sort of way a little bit, and then the brimming of tears under my eyelids. I had chuckled; I think in retrospect; because in a flash of an instant my whole journey of getting to the moment in which I found myself seemed amusing to me. Perhaps I had a momentary psychotic break, a moment of complete lunacy...I'm not sure.

I know I said something; repeatedly; but now as I sit here trying to recall what it was I'm not sure. I don't know if I said "Oh?!" or "Oh my?!" those are the only things that are coming to mind. I just know I said it (whatever "it" was) over and over again. I have a vague recollection of Rachel rubbing my back asking if I was alright. I think perhaps she thought I was going to pass out. But truthfully in that moment I probably could have done just about anything. I was more than "alright". But I think all I mustered was a "fine".

I recovered and pulled myself together by the time Simon finished the first line of the song. I screamed, yelled, cheered, whistled, smiled, sang, danced, laughed...hell I even phoned a friend!!!! The whole party experience was thoroughly enjoyed. Truth be told I think the guys had fun right along with us. Or at least I'd like to think so anyway. It was Simon's birthday after all and he had just that little bit of an extra bit of spring in his step and cheekiness. It wasn't just them hosting a party for us...it was also us hosting and having a party for Simon. And it was obvious he was having a ball.

Just before the encores began we had the pleasure and honour of singing "Happy Birthday" to him while they wheeled out a large birthday cake onto the stage. Honestly, at one point I thought John was going to shove Simon's face in the cake. I don't know if the thought crossed his mind or not (I can't imagine that it didn't!). But before anyone could do anything, Simon pressed his own face into the cake, at which point John literally fell to his knees in hysterical laughter. To be honest I'm not sure which I found more amusing, Simon being his typical perpetual Peter Pan self or John's reaction to the situation.

There really is no way to explain a Duran show except to say it's more than a show. It truly is an experience. They have a way of making you feel like you're a part of the Duran family, part of their family. They make you feel to home, more than "just fans", they make you feel like they're grateful you came and that you're appreciated. I've never experienced that with anyone else I've ever seen in concert before. It was truly as much an honour for us fans as it was for them.

As predicted it all went past far too quickly, and now what remains are memories I will hold onto until I can add to them. It was far more than a concert, it truly was an experience. I feel like I had a tumble down the rabbit hole; and had a true moment of clarity; where everything shifted a little more into focus and you "get it". Perhaps that analogy sounds a little melodramatic but honestly, truthfully I can't think of another way to put it. I get it. I found my direction and path in the middle of a Duran Duran concert. I know the path I'm meant to be on, and it's up to me to follow it.

Someone asked me after the show "Do you get it now? The wait? The reason why it took 29 years?" My answer (to you...and you know who you are) is: More than you can possibly imagine. Thank you.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

To find myself in the moment - A countdown

First let me start off by apologizing. This is probably going to be one of the longest posts yet...for both of us. 

11 Days - I was going to start this tomorrow with a 10 day count down; but why put off till tomorrow what you can blog and talk about today? Yes ladies and gentlemen this is my 10 11 day count down till Duran. Today they perform in Washington DC. Tomorrow I dunno, but my point is this...there are a mere ELEVEN DAYS until I see Duran. Could I be anymore excited?? Oh I think I can! Our tickets haven't arrived yet (as far as I know) although I have confidence and faith that all will be well. Surely I wouldn't have come THIS far only to be kicked in the teeth again by some cruel intention of the universe. Or at least, I better not have if the universe knows what's good for it. Although that would be funny if we were told: "we can't find your tickets soooo...we've arranged for you to meet them AND see the show for your inconvenience." Ya right. I couldn't be THAT lucky. But it would be cool none the less.  Hey, a girl can dream right?

10 Days - Gods and Muses...is it really only 10 days away? Could I really be this close?I have waited so long and so very patiently for this moment, that truthfully as it draws closer, I find myself refuting and denying the fact that "this time" it's going to happen. Perhaps its a self-preservation mechanism kicking in. That way if anything were to happen I'll be okay. I won't crack and break like some fragile china doll. I was so upset last time when I couldn't go, and I know Rach was too. Such a disappointment. But, time goes by...and now we have come full circle to this point.

This evening was spent (while I was at work) laughing about one Monsieur LeBon's fashion missteps. I know in times past one Mr. Taylor and Mr. Rhodes would purge the foul evil fashion spirits when he was not looking (aka chuck the clothes they found ugly out the hotel window when Simon was in the can or otherwise occupied). But apparently they have been lax in their duties in the last few years. How can someone who has a fashion model as a wife (and a daughter), a best friend (or two) who have phenomenal taste in clothes be such a fashion disaster? The world may never know. I personally think one Simon John Charles LeBon does it just to make Nick and Yasmin's eye twitch.

So I'm excited...truthfully, I think Rach is excited too...but so much is going on in her world with those two beautiful girls of hers that her mind is drawn to Holls and Bowie. 90% of the time. And why shouldn't it be?  But I think she takes her days one at a time...I think she's looking forward to going away for the night and of course enjoying the show. Or at least...I'd like to hope so! I want the next 10 days to wing past...I know it will seem that they won't, but all too soon it will have come and gone. I'm certain I'll be left wanting more; just as I always have been; even before all this came about. And truthfully, honestly, I know while this is the first time in 29 years I'll have this pleasure....It won't be the last time.

 9 Days - This morning was spent with Rachel over coffee having one hell of a laugh with my husband. (Notice I said WITH and not AT). Our conversation ran the gamut from economical social ramifications of our current state of affairs to Duran Duran. We howled with laughter at a tirade my husband went off on to the point of Rachel almost peeing her pants as tears streamed down her face...it was classic. I always have a great time with my friends and this morning was no exception. I'm trying hard to not think about the concert...I really am. But truthfully, honestly...I'm so excited and so looking forward to this show I can barely see straight. It was mentioned this morning and truthfully I about bounced out of my seat. Just the mere mention of it, I try to keep myself in check...I really do. No seriously! I could drone on and on about it for hours like a prepubescent child giving facts, figures, and reasons as to why I am so excited. Shit son, I probably could draw you a to scale schematic and a working diorama if you asked me to. But I'm trying to remain calm...for Rachel's sanity and for my own well being. After all, for those 48 hours she'll be the one who will have to put up with me for 80% of the time, and I don't want her wanting to kill me by the end of it. Although she may just anyway.

8 Days - Did you know there are other things out there BESIDES Duran??? Yes, I know I'm shocked too (KIDDING). Yesterday, for some reason I had to listen to the song "The Story" which was originally sang by Brandi Carlile and later on done by Sara Ramirez of Grey's Anatomy . I prefer Sara Ramirez's version... I LOVE this woman's voice. Truly. And every time I watch that video of the scene from Grey's I cry. 'Callie' (the woman in the bed/the one singing the song aka Sara Ramirez) is such a dynamic larger than life character. She's fun, funny, flirty, and just a great, great person. Her character and the way she plays her is the way she is. There's just something about her that I am drawn to. The song is brilliant, and inspiring. It's a positive affirmation to oneself and ones partner - although could just as easily be speaking of a friend or family member. It's a great song that I highly recommend checking out and I just thought I'd throw that out there.

I'm sitting in my living room this morning...it's quiet and no one else is awake quite yet. I love this time of day. Very peaceful. It gives me time to think and appreciate all the gifts I've been given, and all my opportunities that I have before me. I can think about my family, my friends and their impact on my life; good or bad, big or small; and exactly what they mean to me, and what I mean to myself. Where I'm going, and what I want to do. I'm committed; quietly; to a course of action and what my intentions are with that action. My inspiration, love, devotions, and passions are all derived from the same place - within me. I just need to make them work and see them through to finality and completion. You're probably asking yourself; well, that's great! But what does that have to do with your countdown till the concert?  Probably more than you know.

7 Days -  Seven days...what can I say about Seven days? It's a week. Despite the Beatles insistence there were '8 days a week'. There are actually only seven...The Beatles lied. (Ya I said it!) Seven days until Rach and I drive to Toronto to see Duran Duran. How do I feel...I feel excited. I feel like I'm actually going to be overwhelmed when they come out on stage. I don't think I'll cry. Scream and whistle most definitely. Cry? Probably not. Maybe...but I don't think so.

We got an email...or Rachel did, saying we'll "be on a list" because our tickets won't arrive in time. This is what they apparently term as "will call". That's fine by me personally. I don't care, I just want in...in the seat I paid for. But I certainly realize and recognize that it's a pain in the ass for some and that it could be problematic for them arriving on time.

I'm excited. I won't lie. I'm over the moon, elated to be going to this show. Even though, yes, it has been a 29 year wait...really...it's exciting. And they're excited too I think. Not just because they're making money...although I'm sure that makes them happy too! I know it would make me happy if I was them. But seriously, I know they just love playing for the fans. I know they've always been ones who just want to perform as opposed to practice (can't say I blame them there!), but I see a difference between the excitement now, and the 'excitement' then when they're on stage. And to be honest I really the drugs (I think) have little to do with it. I mean yes the drugs would have brought John way the hell "up here" in performing, but when I look at him then, and I look at him now...it's different. I think it's more of a fact that they were like puppets back in the day. Told when, how and where to smile, told when and where to perform. Now, I think they're far more in control of what happens with Duran. They're also more mature though (and I use the term loosely!) No one tells them to plaster the smile on but them. And they're beyond that stage too, and I think the fan's respect that about them. I know I do.

BTW, what ELSE did you expect me to use for the "7 days" picture? I mean REALLY!

6 Days - Today was spent not doing originally what I had intended. This morning Nat and I were supposed to go to the library book sale at the fair grounds. However, plans had to be altered when she remembered that she had a prior commitment. Which is just as well for me to be honest because over the next week I'm not going to get to spend much time at home before we go. So truthfully, it works out well...I got to spend sometime with Alan which was nice, and get in some extra sleep as well. Which was sorrily needed on my part. Tonight they are in Chicago performing, and then tomorrow...they will be a mere 2.5 hours from me in Windsor. I was so very tempted to try to swing tickets for that show as well. But realistically there is no way I can afford 2 shows. I just can't. I mean I couldn't before Alan took a leave from his job, there's no way we can do it now either. That would just be lunacy. It's my understanding tomorrow Neon Trees will not be opening for them. I'm not sure why, but John tweeted a while ago saying that someone "special" would be opening for them and that they were from Australia. I'm not sure if that's true or if that still stands...but that's what he said.

 I bought a little sweater/shrug today to wear over my outfit. It's not that I didn't like the tuxedo jacket idea. I just don't like the idea of my range of motion being limited. It's bothersome to me. And so I bought this little jacket. I'll take with me the tuxedo jacket just in case I change my mind at the last minute. I don't think I will, but you never know! (In case you're wondering what the hell the picture has to do with 6 days....did ya count the ciggies?)

5 Days - Today the guys are in Windsor, Ontario...a mere 2.5 hours from me. You're probably asking yourself what the HELL are you doing sitting on the computer instead of hauling ass to Windsor? Well, to be honest...a decision had to be made as to which concert I wanted to go to. I would much rather go to the one on Thursday in Toronto on SIMON'S birthday....than the one in Windsor. And so here I sit.

 I'm excited. I'm excited to know that they're as close as they are currently. It's kind of cool. I'm ALSO excited because I only have 3 shifts left until I am done work and only a little over 4 days left until we go. Which is TOTALLY awesome.

Today was a short shift at work, for thank I was thankful. Quite frankly...I really didn't WANT to work, I didn't feel all that great...and I'm glad it's over with. The idiots were out in full force today. I'm hoping tomorrow is better.

 

4 Days - Today I'm working 12-8 instead of the original 3-11 I was going to work. Truthfully...I'm okay with that. I have to work 3-11 on Monday and Tuesday, and I won't get a whole lot of time with Alan on either of those days. I'll be out and about for most of Wednesday during the day...so tonight is pretty much it. I'm very lucky and thankful to have such an accommodating boss.

 This morning I am excited. I am over the moon that we've made it past that 10 day mark, and now the 5... It's still surreal to me. It's still not hitting me yet I don't think. I mean really... I'm excited but not fucking freaking out like I figured I would be at this stage in the game. Maybe I"m not letting myself be excited yet. But I can't imagine that. How much more excited or closer do I need to get to the date? I don't know. I don't have a logical answer or reason for my behavior or lack there of. I have a list of things I want to do before Thursday. Little things I need to go pick up and buy.

 So when I left for work today...I was excited but relatively calm, I was collected. I was a little excited because after all...I am four days from seeing my favourite all time band, one of the most iconic bands of the 80's, Duran Duran. But now...a few hours later, I am hyped, pumped, thrilled and excited.

What changed you may be asking yourself? I had a conversation with a certain someone who relayed her emotions of her first Duran concert a few months ago. Her anticipation for that time culminated with my own, plus my own ever bubbling agonizing bit by bit of letting off a little bit of excitement at a time, put me out and over the top. That was it. While I still have that bit of apprehension, that what if? It's time to go full throttle and enjoy the ride.

I cannot wait to be standing there hearing the words, feeling the pulse and beat and vocal. To be in the same room as that artistry that I have admired for so long is currently indescribable. I think of the thought of that moment and all I can do is smile. That very first moment when the lights go dark, and the beginning of the music washes over me. The sheer elation of that moment I cannot simply grasp or conceive of. I've never been to that place. I've never found myself in that moment. But I'm going to...soon.

 

3 Days - I'm trying to make a mental list of all the things I need to do before Thursday. Laundry, pack, nails, hair, stuff I need to pick up...a jacket I need to fix...(although I need to decide if I'm actually taking that jacket first). UGH...sooo much stuff to think about. I'm excited. I'm BEYOND excited. I'm rabidly excited. Serious, hard core excited...and I'm excited to be excited. I've been waiting to get to this point. Waiting to have that little bit of jumble of nerves. Waiting to hit this point. But I haven't let myself, and now here I am.

Tomorrow is the big New York show. I've read that Yasmin and Gela are both coming to that show. And I'm sure it's going to be one hell of a good time and a party. I'm sure it's going to be simply awesome. But Toronto...ON Simon's birthday for my first show...nothing can top that for me. Nothing.

So I'm out earlier today having a little retail therapy moment in Pennington's this morning. Trying on some clothes; which ended up looking better on the rack than they did on me; when my cell phone goes off with a tweet from Rachel. She informs me that the VIP stuff had arrived at her place. So there I am, standing in my undies in the change room and I'm doing this little Snoopy, happy dance jig in my underwear. I can neither confirm nor deny that there may have been a little bit of "running man" or "baby circles" thrown in for good measure. I just pray to the Gods there were no hidden cameras, I do not need that shit showing up on You Tube.

This evening John tweeted saying (in his words) "There's no other band that has been together as long as Duran has, that could have as much crazy fun as we did today Halloween shopping.." What that means...I have no idea. And quite frankly I'm almost scared to find out. John assures us "All will be revealed". I'm almost certain they went costume shopping but as far as I'm aware they're not performing anywhere on Halloween, so who knows what's going on. In any event I'm 3 days away...Gods and Muses help me...I'm going to need it!!

2 Days - Tonight was Madison Square Garden in NYC. Truth be told it sounded like on HELL of a party. Ana Matronic (of the Scissor Sisters) was there to sing her part for Safe, Mark Ronson was there to play on Girl Panic!, and Simon walked the crowd during The Reflex. Not your normal Duran Duran show. I'm very eager to see what happens on Thursday for Simon's birthday.

 Tomorrow we go deal with our hair...I'm eager, I'm excited, I'm looking forward to meeting Kate (Rachel's cousin) and seeing what she can do with my hair. It's another step in the process, the hair, the nails...the VIP swag.

 I kept glancing down the counter last night toward the VIP package that Rach dropped off to me. Every time I did I got a bit of a pulse race and a grin. It's actually almost here. It's so close...I can taste it. I'm freaking out just a little. Okay, I'm freaking out a lot. And I do mean a lot. Like seriously...I am starting to get the understanding of it all. It's hard to grasp the feeling and euphoria people discuss until you feel it for yourself.

I got my nails done this morning, and sat surprisingly calm. I thought about how we are now at day 2. And I was calm!! I was very surprised at myself. I went to Nat's after and she brought it up a couple times. She asked me where we were staying, which of us were driving, and all our plans. I really wanted to talk and gush and go on about it...but I know that Duran isn't Nat's thing, so I kept myself in check. She's so very excited for me...for us...to be going to this. And that makes me feel good. For as much as she teases me, she's so pleased we're going and honestly and earnestly hopes we have a good time. I know we will.

1 Day -  I fear this last entry is going to be a little disjointed and perhaps not even make much sense. My mind is racing and all over the place today. Rach picked me up just after 10 this morning and we headed to her cousin Kate's salon for our hair. I got a bit of a cut with some dye and some high lights. I love what she did. It looks awesome!!

 Tonight is spent doing laundry, packing and spending time with Alan. Which is nice...I'm looking forward to it. Nothing really planned because we're going to do the same thing we do every night. Watch some television shows, but it's nice...I like it. It's our thing that we do together. Ya know?

 This morning (after my computer blew up -- okay so it was just the power supply). My loving husband showed me a link on ebay for a Liberator that he would love to get me. Sadly, it's going for about 2000$ which of course is 2000$ we don't have to be blowing on a bass. But the fact that he is still looking for the bass for me...means the world.

 A little odd moment in the salon, sitting chatting with Rachel and Kate. Duran HAPPENED to come on the radio (Hungry Like the Wolf), at that precise moment John tweeted. What a strange, fortuitous, serendipitous world we live in. 

 I'm so very excited. I'm sure tomorrow night's party will be a different one, it won't be the same as the MSG party...nor should it be. Each Duran experience is and should be as unique and special as those that perform and those that go to see them perform. Soon...very soon I'll have that experience for myself. I'll be able to find myself in the moment, to have and treasure forever. Either way, I guess I'll find out tomorrow....

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Midnight ramblings

Well...I was asleep. Alan got up because he couldn't sleep, and while I know that I will sleep, I'm not currently. So I thought...why waste this perfectly good opportunity to jot something good down. Although the term "good" is suspect and relative.

You're probably wondering to yourself...Well? what exactly is the point of this blog entry? And truthfully I have no idea. What's funny is that @Mzlunatx mentioned today about how she couldn't sleep a few days prior and now...here I am awake. Excellent.

I'm contemplating what I want to do with my hair. I know I don't want to lose the length, or at least that is to say I don't want it shorter than my shoulders. I think any shorter would be a mistake. But as for colour...I haven't he foggiest. I mean I really don't know. I guess I'll just talk to Rachel's cousin and see what she thinks.

I keep yawning. I know I'm tired so this is a good thing. I need the sleep. I need to make sure I get enough sleep. Being tired this week would be bad. I'm very aware I'll be burning the cnadle at both ends and getting sick could be disastrous.

I think I'm just about ready to go back to sleep now. My eyelids are getting heavy and our one cat (Athena) is telling me to turn out the light and cuddle with her. She's my demanding Miss so I must obey. The other 3 cats don't care, but this one is insistent. So I'm off. I hope your sleep is a wonderful one and your dreams are filled with adventure.

One Last Glimpse,

~K