I had a dream of you yesterday. You played a significant role within the dream; although I don't remember the details. I just remember you played a prominent part within the dream. It's likely someone trying to tell me that I need to fix things with you. Hell for all I know it could have been you trying to tell me we need to fix things. But truthfully, I did nothing I have to fix. I was open and honest just as you had asked me (us) to be. And you got mad. End of. You can't have it both ways. Either you wanted us to be open, honest and mature about the situation and speak to each other about it when we felt the need to like you said you wanted...or you wanted a lie with a straight face. Apparently the latter was the correct one.
Truth be told (and I still stand by this a year later) you should have told your wife first. Well no; you shouldn't have married her in the first place. You should have spared her the pain, embarrassment, and humiliation of when this all comes out - and it WILL come out. You're not that good of an actor. Not to mention the fact that you have a reputation that proceeds you for torpedoing your relationships...stretching all the way back to high school. Romantic and otherwise. I wish I knew why. I don't even think you know why.
I wish we could square this shit away. I do. But you are so fucking stubborn. You'll never admit you were in the wrong. You'd be more inclined to just message me one day like there was nothing wrong, like nothing ever happened. And I wish I could move forward and be okay with that; with no apology; but I don't think I could be.
I'm not mad at you anymore though. I'm not angry when I think about you like I was. I'm not saying Alan didn't say some serious shit, but truthfully, honestly, if you think about it...really think about it...He was right. And you know it. I think that's why you're so pissed off. And why you've not gotten in touch. Because you know...to a certain extent...he's right.
I miss you though. We got close again before you did this. And what's funny is, I never realized that I was even missing you until we started talking. Funny. I guess everything happens for a reason. Life goes on. Mine has. Without you in it. But that was your decision; not mine; and that's the way things go I guess.
I hope you're well, I hope you're happy, and I hope someday...maybe even soon...our paths cross again.
One Last Glimpse,
~K
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