Chaos reigns supreme

Ever since I got back from the Duran experience life seems to be chaotic at best. Nothing seems to make sense and I suppose that that is quasi normal since the family has been thrown into turmoil last week with the sudden passing of my nephew Brad. He was so young (16) and part of me still can't get over it all. It seems very surreal. Almost like I've got my head underwater and everything I hear, see and listen to is that murky underwater gurgle sound. Nothing intelligible.

I'm very sorry to you my dear readers for seemingly slacking on this blog, but since returning from Duran, then Brad's death and funeral I have been unmotivated, disinclined and generally lazy ever since. This week though, I plan to be productive. Writing, playing my bass (which I haven't done in about a month). It will be good and do me some good to get back to my routine. And I say bring it on!

Today while sleeping before work I had a dream with an ex-friend in it. One I haven't spoken to in well over a year. Do I still give a shit about him? Yes, of course, but honestly at this stage in the game...I don't feel that the friendship is repairable. It's very fractured, very complicated and a lot of words would have to be spoken and repaired before I could even entertain the idea of repairing the friendship. Could it ever be done? Perhaps...but not now. But I do miss him a great deal more than I ever thought I would.

I know some of you are probably wondering what happened. And to be truthful without going into a huge amount of detail and spilling someone else's secrets I really cannot say. Suffice to say, it's left our friendship broken and shattered. And at one point that made me mad. VERY mad. Just so you are aware. It IS possible to piss me off. If you press that right button...I can and have gone nuclear. Which to be honest is very much off the beaten path for me. I'm not the kind of person who gets mad easily - but when you do piss me off...look out. I think I try to remain as calm as possible for as long as possible because I know myself well enough to know and recognize in myself that I have a bad temper...when provoked.

ANYWAY! That is not what this blog entry was about! Not that it really was "about" anything in particular. But in any event...here we are.

I think I desperately need to take time this week just to take a moment, take a few deep breaths and get myself in order. The sooner, the better. I'll let you know how it turns out.

One Last Glimpse,


~K