To find myself in the moment - A countdown

First let me start off by apologizing. This is probably going to be one of the longest posts yet...for both of us. 

11 Days - I was going to start this tomorrow with a 10 day count down; but why put off till tomorrow what you can blog and talk about today? Yes ladies and gentlemen this is my 10 11 day count down till Duran. Today they perform in Washington DC. Tomorrow I dunno, but my point is this...there are a mere ELEVEN DAYS until I see Duran. Could I be anymore excited?? Oh I think I can! Our tickets haven't arrived yet (as far as I know) although I have confidence and faith that all will be well. Surely I wouldn't have come THIS far only to be kicked in the teeth again by some cruel intention of the universe. Or at least, I better not have if the universe knows what's good for it. Although that would be funny if we were told: "we can't find your tickets soooo...we've arranged for you to meet them AND see the show for your inconvenience." Ya right. I couldn't be THAT lucky. But it would be cool none the less.  Hey, a girl can dream right?

10 Days - Gods and Muses...is it really only 10 days away? Could I really be this close?I have waited so long and so very patiently for this moment, that truthfully as it draws closer, I find myself refuting and denying the fact that "this time" it's going to happen. Perhaps its a self-preservation mechanism kicking in. That way if anything were to happen I'll be okay. I won't crack and break like some fragile china doll. I was so upset last time when I couldn't go, and I know Rach was too. Such a disappointment. But, time goes by...and now we have come full circle to this point.

This evening was spent (while I was at work) laughing about one Monsieur LeBon's fashion missteps. I know in times past one Mr. Taylor and Mr. Rhodes would purge the foul evil fashion spirits when he was not looking (aka chuck the clothes they found ugly out the hotel window when Simon was in the can or otherwise occupied). But apparently they have been lax in their duties in the last few years. How can someone who has a fashion model as a wife (and a daughter), a best friend (or two) who have phenomenal taste in clothes be such a fashion disaster? The world may never know. I personally think one Simon John Charles LeBon does it just to make Nick and Yasmin's eye twitch.

So I'm excited...truthfully, I think Rach is excited too...but so much is going on in her world with those two beautiful girls of hers that her mind is drawn to Holls and Bowie. 90% of the time. And why shouldn't it be?  But I think she takes her days one at a time...I think she's looking forward to going away for the night and of course enjoying the show. Or at least...I'd like to hope so! I want the next 10 days to wing past...I know it will seem that they won't, but all too soon it will have come and gone. I'm certain I'll be left wanting more; just as I always have been; even before all this came about. And truthfully, honestly, I know while this is the first time in 29 years I'll have this pleasure....It won't be the last time.

 9 Days - This morning was spent with Rachel over coffee having one hell of a laugh with my husband. (Notice I said WITH and not AT). Our conversation ran the gamut from economical social ramifications of our current state of affairs to Duran Duran. We howled with laughter at a tirade my husband went off on to the point of Rachel almost peeing her pants as tears streamed down her face...it was classic. I always have a great time with my friends and this morning was no exception. I'm trying hard to not think about the concert...I really am. But truthfully, honestly...I'm so excited and so looking forward to this show I can barely see straight. It was mentioned this morning and truthfully I about bounced out of my seat. Just the mere mention of it, I try to keep myself in check...I really do. No seriously! I could drone on and on about it for hours like a prepubescent child giving facts, figures, and reasons as to why I am so excited. Shit son, I probably could draw you a to scale schematic and a working diorama if you asked me to. But I'm trying to remain calm...for Rachel's sanity and for my own well being. After all, for those 48 hours she'll be the one who will have to put up with me for 80% of the time, and I don't want her wanting to kill me by the end of it. Although she may just anyway.

8 Days - Did you know there are other things out there BESIDES Duran??? Yes, I know I'm shocked too (KIDDING). Yesterday, for some reason I had to listen to the song "The Story" which was originally sang by Brandi Carlile and later on done by Sara Ramirez of Grey's Anatomy . I prefer Sara Ramirez's version... I LOVE this woman's voice. Truly. And every time I watch that video of the scene from Grey's I cry. 'Callie' (the woman in the bed/the one singing the song aka Sara Ramirez) is such a dynamic larger than life character. She's fun, funny, flirty, and just a great, great person. Her character and the way she plays her is the way she is. There's just something about her that I am drawn to. The song is brilliant, and inspiring. It's a positive affirmation to oneself and ones partner - although could just as easily be speaking of a friend or family member. It's a great song that I highly recommend checking out and I just thought I'd throw that out there.

I'm sitting in my living room this morning...it's quiet and no one else is awake quite yet. I love this time of day. Very peaceful. It gives me time to think and appreciate all the gifts I've been given, and all my opportunities that I have before me. I can think about my family, my friends and their impact on my life; good or bad, big or small; and exactly what they mean to me, and what I mean to myself. Where I'm going, and what I want to do. I'm committed; quietly; to a course of action and what my intentions are with that action. My inspiration, love, devotions, and passions are all derived from the same place - within me. I just need to make them work and see them through to finality and completion. You're probably asking yourself; well, that's great! But what does that have to do with your countdown till the concert?  Probably more than you know.

7 Days -  Seven days...what can I say about Seven days? It's a week. Despite the Beatles insistence there were '8 days a week'. There are actually only seven...The Beatles lied. (Ya I said it!) Seven days until Rach and I drive to Toronto to see Duran Duran. How do I feel...I feel excited. I feel like I'm actually going to be overwhelmed when they come out on stage. I don't think I'll cry. Scream and whistle most definitely. Cry? Probably not. Maybe...but I don't think so.

We got an email...or Rachel did, saying we'll "be on a list" because our tickets won't arrive in time. This is what they apparently term as "will call". That's fine by me personally. I don't care, I just want in...in the seat I paid for. But I certainly realize and recognize that it's a pain in the ass for some and that it could be problematic for them arriving on time.

I'm excited. I won't lie. I'm over the moon, elated to be going to this show. Even though, yes, it has been a 29 year wait...really...it's exciting. And they're excited too I think. Not just because they're making money...although I'm sure that makes them happy too! I know it would make me happy if I was them. But seriously, I know they just love playing for the fans. I know they've always been ones who just want to perform as opposed to practice (can't say I blame them there!), but I see a difference between the excitement now, and the 'excitement' then when they're on stage. And to be honest I really the drugs (I think) have little to do with it. I mean yes the drugs would have brought John way the hell "up here" in performing, but when I look at him then, and I look at him now...it's different. I think it's more of a fact that they were like puppets back in the day. Told when, how and where to smile, told when and where to perform. Now, I think they're far more in control of what happens with Duran. They're also more mature though (and I use the term loosely!) No one tells them to plaster the smile on but them. And they're beyond that stage too, and I think the fan's respect that about them. I know I do.

BTW, what ELSE did you expect me to use for the "7 days" picture? I mean REALLY!

6 Days - Today was spent not doing originally what I had intended. This morning Nat and I were supposed to go to the library book sale at the fair grounds. However, plans had to be altered when she remembered that she had a prior commitment. Which is just as well for me to be honest because over the next week I'm not going to get to spend much time at home before we go. So truthfully, it works out well...I got to spend sometime with Alan which was nice, and get in some extra sleep as well. Which was sorrily needed on my part. Tonight they are in Chicago performing, and then tomorrow...they will be a mere 2.5 hours from me in Windsor. I was so very tempted to try to swing tickets for that show as well. But realistically there is no way I can afford 2 shows. I just can't. I mean I couldn't before Alan took a leave from his job, there's no way we can do it now either. That would just be lunacy. It's my understanding tomorrow Neon Trees will not be opening for them. I'm not sure why, but John tweeted a while ago saying that someone "special" would be opening for them and that they were from Australia. I'm not sure if that's true or if that still stands...but that's what he said.

 I bought a little sweater/shrug today to wear over my outfit. It's not that I didn't like the tuxedo jacket idea. I just don't like the idea of my range of motion being limited. It's bothersome to me. And so I bought this little jacket. I'll take with me the tuxedo jacket just in case I change my mind at the last minute. I don't think I will, but you never know! (In case you're wondering what the hell the picture has to do with 6 days....did ya count the ciggies?)

5 Days - Today the guys are in Windsor, Ontario...a mere 2.5 hours from me. You're probably asking yourself what the HELL are you doing sitting on the computer instead of hauling ass to Windsor? Well, to be honest...a decision had to be made as to which concert I wanted to go to. I would much rather go to the one on Thursday in Toronto on SIMON'S birthday....than the one in Windsor. And so here I sit.

 I'm excited. I'm excited to know that they're as close as they are currently. It's kind of cool. I'm ALSO excited because I only have 3 shifts left until I am done work and only a little over 4 days left until we go. Which is TOTALLY awesome.

Today was a short shift at work, for thank I was thankful. Quite frankly...I really didn't WANT to work, I didn't feel all that great...and I'm glad it's over with. The idiots were out in full force today. I'm hoping tomorrow is better.

 

4 Days - Today I'm working 12-8 instead of the original 3-11 I was going to work. Truthfully...I'm okay with that. I have to work 3-11 on Monday and Tuesday, and I won't get a whole lot of time with Alan on either of those days. I'll be out and about for most of Wednesday during the day...so tonight is pretty much it. I'm very lucky and thankful to have such an accommodating boss.

 This morning I am excited. I am over the moon that we've made it past that 10 day mark, and now the 5... It's still surreal to me. It's still not hitting me yet I don't think. I mean really... I'm excited but not fucking freaking out like I figured I would be at this stage in the game. Maybe I"m not letting myself be excited yet. But I can't imagine that. How much more excited or closer do I need to get to the date? I don't know. I don't have a logical answer or reason for my behavior or lack there of. I have a list of things I want to do before Thursday. Little things I need to go pick up and buy.

 So when I left for work today...I was excited but relatively calm, I was collected. I was a little excited because after all...I am four days from seeing my favourite all time band, one of the most iconic bands of the 80's, Duran Duran. But now...a few hours later, I am hyped, pumped, thrilled and excited.

What changed you may be asking yourself? I had a conversation with a certain someone who relayed her emotions of her first Duran concert a few months ago. Her anticipation for that time culminated with my own, plus my own ever bubbling agonizing bit by bit of letting off a little bit of excitement at a time, put me out and over the top. That was it. While I still have that bit of apprehension, that what if? It's time to go full throttle and enjoy the ride.

I cannot wait to be standing there hearing the words, feeling the pulse and beat and vocal. To be in the same room as that artistry that I have admired for so long is currently indescribable. I think of the thought of that moment and all I can do is smile. That very first moment when the lights go dark, and the beginning of the music washes over me. The sheer elation of that moment I cannot simply grasp or conceive of. I've never been to that place. I've never found myself in that moment. But I'm going to...soon.

 

3 Days - I'm trying to make a mental list of all the things I need to do before Thursday. Laundry, pack, nails, hair, stuff I need to pick up...a jacket I need to fix...(although I need to decide if I'm actually taking that jacket first). UGH...sooo much stuff to think about. I'm excited. I'm BEYOND excited. I'm rabidly excited. Serious, hard core excited...and I'm excited to be excited. I've been waiting to get to this point. Waiting to have that little bit of jumble of nerves. Waiting to hit this point. But I haven't let myself, and now here I am.

Tomorrow is the big New York show. I've read that Yasmin and Gela are both coming to that show. And I'm sure it's going to be one hell of a good time and a party. I'm sure it's going to be simply awesome. But Toronto...ON Simon's birthday for my first show...nothing can top that for me. Nothing.

So I'm out earlier today having a little retail therapy moment in Pennington's this morning. Trying on some clothes; which ended up looking better on the rack than they did on me; when my cell phone goes off with a tweet from Rachel. She informs me that the VIP stuff had arrived at her place. So there I am, standing in my undies in the change room and I'm doing this little Snoopy, happy dance jig in my underwear. I can neither confirm nor deny that there may have been a little bit of "running man" or "baby circles" thrown in for good measure. I just pray to the Gods there were no hidden cameras, I do not need that shit showing up on You Tube.

This evening John tweeted saying (in his words) "There's no other band that has been together as long as Duran has, that could have as much crazy fun as we did today Halloween shopping.." What that means...I have no idea. And quite frankly I'm almost scared to find out. John assures us "All will be revealed". I'm almost certain they went costume shopping but as far as I'm aware they're not performing anywhere on Halloween, so who knows what's going on. In any event I'm 3 days away...Gods and Muses help me...I'm going to need it!!

2 Days - Tonight was Madison Square Garden in NYC. Truth be told it sounded like on HELL of a party. Ana Matronic (of the Scissor Sisters) was there to sing her part for Safe, Mark Ronson was there to play on Girl Panic!, and Simon walked the crowd during The Reflex. Not your normal Duran Duran show. I'm very eager to see what happens on Thursday for Simon's birthday.

 Tomorrow we go deal with our hair...I'm eager, I'm excited, I'm looking forward to meeting Kate (Rachel's cousin) and seeing what she can do with my hair. It's another step in the process, the hair, the nails...the VIP swag.

 I kept glancing down the counter last night toward the VIP package that Rach dropped off to me. Every time I did I got a bit of a pulse race and a grin. It's actually almost here. It's so close...I can taste it. I'm freaking out just a little. Okay, I'm freaking out a lot. And I do mean a lot. Like seriously...I am starting to get the understanding of it all. It's hard to grasp the feeling and euphoria people discuss until you feel it for yourself.

I got my nails done this morning, and sat surprisingly calm. I thought about how we are now at day 2. And I was calm!! I was very surprised at myself. I went to Nat's after and she brought it up a couple times. She asked me where we were staying, which of us were driving, and all our plans. I really wanted to talk and gush and go on about it...but I know that Duran isn't Nat's thing, so I kept myself in check. She's so very excited for me...for us...to be going to this. And that makes me feel good. For as much as she teases me, she's so pleased we're going and honestly and earnestly hopes we have a good time. I know we will.

1 Day -  I fear this last entry is going to be a little disjointed and perhaps not even make much sense. My mind is racing and all over the place today. Rach picked me up just after 10 this morning and we headed to her cousin Kate's salon for our hair. I got a bit of a cut with some dye and some high lights. I love what she did. It looks awesome!!

 Tonight is spent doing laundry, packing and spending time with Alan. Which is nice...I'm looking forward to it. Nothing really planned because we're going to do the same thing we do every night. Watch some television shows, but it's nice...I like it. It's our thing that we do together. Ya know?

 This morning (after my computer blew up -- okay so it was just the power supply). My loving husband showed me a link on ebay for a Liberator that he would love to get me. Sadly, it's going for about 2000$ which of course is 2000$ we don't have to be blowing on a bass. But the fact that he is still looking for the bass for me...means the world.

 A little odd moment in the salon, sitting chatting with Rachel and Kate. Duran HAPPENED to come on the radio (Hungry Like the Wolf), at that precise moment John tweeted. What a strange, fortuitous, serendipitous world we live in. 

 I'm so very excited. I'm sure tomorrow night's party will be a different one, it won't be the same as the MSG party...nor should it be. Each Duran experience is and should be as unique and special as those that perform and those that go to see them perform. Soon...very soon I'll have that experience for myself. I'll be able to find myself in the moment, to have and treasure forever. Either way, I guess I'll find out tomorrow....

One Last Glimpse,

~K