It's funny, sometimes people you think that will always be a part of your life, people you think you're closest to, that have always been there for almost as long as you can remember it. But then; for whatever the reason; they leave. Sometimes its a gentle quiet movement and progression and removal from your life, by either their choice or yours...or perhaps amicable. Or sometimes theres screaming, yelling, throwing of insults or dishes, a slam of the proverbial door and that's it. The end result either way is a friendship is over.
Two people that I have known in the last year and a half have done both scenarios. One of them needs to grow up, grow a set and stop living behind a mask and be who he really is and wants to be. The other had her life together but the desire to be with someone, ANYONE instead of being alone despite the loss of herself, her self respect, and her spirit seemed irrelevant. When her relationship began with this person (the nicest word I can use for him) she was warned that it would end badly, not by myself but by others including a psychic medium who told her to get rid of him. But she decided she wanted to be in the relationship anyway. Subsequently pushing away all of her friends who; for the record; all made an effort to be nice to him. And even now when she could be repairing those relationships since the relationship she was in is now allegedly over; she elects not to (for whatever reason). She's so broken now, that even those who were once her center and closest to her are distanced. Efforts have been made, but she just either doesn't wish to resume the friendship or isn't ready to. But more over, she's changed. She's not the person she once was And I'm not certain, even if she wanted to resume our friendship that I would be eager to. Not only has she changed, but I think I have as well.
The reason why I'm writing this blog entry about these two people I used to be very close to is because I had two separate dreams about both of them last night. One dream was SO real, I still can't believe it DIDN'T happen. I was so convinced that I had gotten a facebook inbox sent to my phone, that when i got up this morning and went downstairs to my computer so I could read it fully and respond to it. When I got to my computer and opened my Facebook I was baffled as to why it wasn't there. I have no recollection as to what the inbox said, only that it was from her to myself and two of our other friends. I wish I could recall what it said now.
The other dream also had me receiving a message, but it was more like a telegram almost. I was in an airport and someone came up and handed it to me at baggage claim. I recall the message and that I read it (in his hand writing) off a piece of paper. What it means, I have no idea. It said he was in Calgary area and would "be home soon" and was hoping we could get together and talk. The only thing I get the vibe its in reference to is a mutual friend of ours little sister who is not doing well with cancer. But to be honest I don't even know if he knows that or not. It's all very odd.
Thankfully I don't feel weirded out by these dreams. I hate that when you dream about someone no longer in your life and you get all weirded out by it. I'm just perplexed by it all, ya know? I find it odd that I dreampt about two people, that I once cared very much for, that I no longer speak to (who knew each other I might add) on the same night. Like what the hell am I supposed to do with this? Does it even mean anything? Is it supposed to? Who knows.
One Last Glimpse,