This blog entry is to someone who likely won't ever read it. Simply because I'll probably never show it to her. She knows this page exists, and in the beginning read some of my entries. If she chooses to come here of her own volition then perhaps she'll see it, but I'm not holding my breath. But it serves me better in the end to get my thoughts and emotions out than to hold them in.
I find it funny (not really) how quickly people forget the reason things all went south and are more interested in playing the blame game instead of taking a moment of introspection (my word for the day) and looking within for the reason and answers. Instead, they're far too busy pointing fingers. They neglect to recall how everything actually went down and how, where and why the chips fell the way they did. It's much easier to play the blame game when the blame rests solely on your own shoulders than it is to admit mistakes and say "I'm sorry".
I'm among the first to admit saying "I'm sorry" is difficult. The closer you are to the person (or persons) you've slighted, the harder the words seem to be to say. But that doesn't mean that they shouldn't be said or don't need to be said or heard. Even if they're not said or required to be heard, an effort to repair the friendship would be great or at least some effort to recognize the fact that there was an issue would be great you know? We all make mistakes. No one is an innocent.
But I think you're only deluding yourself if you're not looking at this whole situation realistically and in it's entirety. You're doing yourself a disservice, as well as the friendships you've chosen to leave behind. That's sad to be because that's not the person I know. The person I know didn't do the things you're doing and have done over the last year. That's someone else entirely that I don't think I even want to know. It's like you're totally lost in Wonderland somewhere. Which I guess is your option too, the choice is yours which way you want to go with all of this. In the end how far you decide to chase the White Rabbit down the hole Alice, is up to you.
One Last Glimpse,