FU Cancer

When I was in grade 11 (1987) a myriad of life altering events occurred. Among them, I met my future husband, I met some of my closest friends to go with the ones I already had. One of them was a hyper, wiry, happy-go-lucky, artsy-fartsy,  young guy by the name of Jeff. To this day - Jeff is one of my dearest friends whom I adore endlessly.

Our group of friends became very close and always were hanging out together. We would call our friends parents Mom and Dad and they would treat us as one of their own children.

My friend Jeff has a younger sister Adrienne (3 years his junior - she's 36/37 currently). She always hung around when we were there, we would always be willing to accept her into our group with whatever we were doing. I love Adrienne. She was a sweet, funny (and very shy) young girl of about 13 when we first met. She developed and grew into a beautiful young woman over the years.

About 3 years ago she was diagnosed with cancer. She had a son and was pregnant with her second child and found out she had cancer. She had the option of aborting and dealing with the cancer then...or dealing with the cancer later after she had the baby. She opted to deal with the cancer after her pregnancy. I don't know if she was misinformed or quite what but I do feel that it was the wrong choice to make, and I thought that when she found out she had cancer. She has since been through 2 rounds of chemo, has lost all her hair and I just found out that the cancer has spread to her legs. I am grief stricken.

When my Mom told me she was originally going in for a "routine" mammogram because she'd not had one before - I knew how it was all going to end even before she went in for it. And now with Adrienne from the moment I was told she had cancer, I knew it was not going to go well. I truly hope I'm wrong, but unfortunately it's a feeling I can't control, cannot shake and I am devastated. She's young, beautiful and has these two little gorgeous babies who she adores...who may not have a mother as they grow up.

It makes me angry though as well if we travel down the theological path. It goes back to the same argument about my Mother. Charlie Manson, Michael Vick, Chris Brown, etc, etc, etc all get to live? Whatever. So I'm trying desperately DESPERATELY to not travel down the theological path of it all. God's will my ass. And with that...I'm in that angry place again.

I hope I'm wrong. I hope everything ends up being fine....please..just this once...let my gut be wrong. Fuck you cancer. FUCK. YOU. For everyone you plague, kill senselessly and ravage... FUCK. YOU.

One Last Glimpse,



~K