Thursday, 15 March 2012

Family stories

It's come to my attention that my last few blog entries have been a little bit...erm...well...depressing. I'm aiming to change that right now. Despite the fact that my last few shifts here at work have been less than stellar, and assholes have abounded...I've decided this post is going to be upbeat.

I have five "first" cousins. My Father is the middle of 3 boys - my Older Uncle (Uncle Jim) only had one child (My cousin Kerry who is a few years older than I), Then my Dad (who had my sister Kristen and myself), and then my Uncle John who had my cousins Michael (who is older than I am by a year but younger than my sister), My cousin Ted (who is six months younger than I) followed by Jennifer and then Joe bringing up the rear.

My cousin Mike married a girl named Jennie and converted to the Catholic church. We were not raised as such, and when he and Jennie became engaged it was a large part of her upbringing and Mike had no problem converting. So he did.

His wedding was late starting (for a multitude of reasons), so here we sat (for upwards of an hour) in a packed Catholic church that had no air conditioning. It was completely on the blink. And it's late August/Early September. And it's hot. And there are a LOT of people in the church.

The first cousins all were sat together (that were not in the wedding party). My cousin Kerry and her husband John, then me, my sister Kristen and her now husband Richard and then My Mom and Dad on the end.

Kerry is snapping away pictures (keep in mind this was BEFORE digital cameras - this will become important later on) and John is cracking jokes while we wait. At the front of the church; by the alter; the dome was painted a sky blue colour which John referred to as "The Skydome" which we all cracked up about. (The Skydome was the original name for the stadium where the Toronto Blue Jays play). We're all having a bit of a laugh because we're a bit punchy because we've been sitting for a while and it's hot as hell. (Pun intended).

Finally the wedding begins and Kerry continues taking pictures as Jennie and the wedding party start up the isle. As Jennie gets to the front Kerry runs out of film and it begins to automatically rewind making a very loud vibrating noise. I look to my left to see where this noise is coming from, just in time to see Kerry hike the camera up her skirt and clamp her legs shut...with her hand still up her skirt. So now (stay with me folks), here's my cousin Kerry with her hand up her skirt - IN CHURCH - and there's a loud vibrating noise emanating from her crotch. I. AM. HYSTERICAL. Tears begin streaming down my face I'm laughing so hard. My sister, Richard and Mother are a little put out and then they see what the three of us are hysterically laughing about and they start too. My Dad who has been wandering the church snapping photographs for my cousin comes back to the pew, shoots me a look -- and then sees what now everyone in our pew is hysterical over and starts to laugh himself. This of course is only AFTER I burst out with my initial spontaneous and completely unexpected HA!!!! Oh yea...and the priest gave me "The look". OOPS! Sorry Padre! I am SOOOooo going to hell.

It was one of those moments even now... looking back at it...still makes me laugh and smile when I think about it.

One last glimpse,



  1. That is freakin' hilarious!! I'm cracking up!!

    1. I think it's one of my favorite moments EVER. COMPLETELY spontaneous. Kerry didn't even THINK of what it would look like when she did it, she just wanted the sound muted so she wouldn't interrupt the wedding. LMAO!!!