Thursday, 19 July 2012

Time to cut the fat

A dear friend posed this question to a group of us yesterday: "Question for marketing research. If you could have your ideal weight, what would that be worth to you?" . I'll be honest our responses originally were beat around the bushy. And then...one of my best friends in an emotional, frank and honest response opened the flood gates with her response.And it was on. I followed suit with an equally emotional and frank response that I'm going to share with you here. (I have (this one time) removed the names of the people involved in this conversation SIMPLY because I haven't asked their permission to put them...and while normally I would just put their names out there, this is a sensitive subject for a woman and I don't think that it's my right to do so.) So here was my response to the question posed:


It's always easier when you don't have others relying on you. I think my biggest worry is I'll start losing weight and either a) something will happen and I'll lose my way from working out or b) I won't stick with it and Alan will be disapointed in me. I think that b) is likely my bigger fear of the two. But I think (if I'm being honest, which lets be frank here...I always try to be as bluntly truthful as I can on this blog) he's disappointed with me for not doing anything at all. So I think I'm on the same road as you...sick and tired of being sick and tired of the same bullshit.


I know you have always had a low opinion of yourself ******. And it kills me to see that because you're gorgeous. And so am I dammit! I THINK I've gotten better at admitting that. And actually MEANING it. I'm totally on board for doing a support group thing if you need and I think we've got a damn good base here since we're all being so brutally honest. I'm sitting here and while I'm THRILLED I've gone down in my size; unbeknownst to me until I tried a pair of pants on yesterday; I've got miles to go, but I'm willing to take it slow and steady to get to where I need to. It's not like we're 20 anymore and we can go at the pace we did back then. I'm 41 and to say that I'm WAY overweight is an understatement (Since we ARE being honest here...the last time I was weighed at the doctor I was (And I've NEVER shared this openly before my dear readers!!!!) I was OVER 350lbs....THREE FIFTY.) I was embarrassed and mortified. And while I don't think I've broken the 300 mark...YET...in the loss department...I'm looking forward to getting down there. It's time. I'm due. And you're right ****** you're worth it and it is something you can do for yourself. And so can I.


I know my husband is going to love me no matter what size I am, I know he's going to find me desirable and all that. but it's not healthy for me, it's not good and I want to live until I'm 90 with Alan like my Grandparents did with each other.


It's time to MAKE the time, kick some ass, take some names and drop the bullshit, excuses and most importantly the weight.

PS. ***** I'm pretty damn sure you weren't expecting this to turn into a confessional when you asked this question. Love you for it though. xoxo



And so my dear readers my journey begins. THANK YOU ***** for asking this question. You have profoundly changed my life. THANK YOU. Love you girl. xoxoxo It's time and I'm ready for this change. It's a good change, a positive step and I'm excited. I've not felt that way before when I've been at this precipice. I'm not scared to look down over the edge this time. I'm thinking as I'm standing here on the edge of "What is GOING to be" thinking "This is going to be a wild ride! I'm not doing this because I HAVE to. Because the doctor has ORDERED me to or because Alan will leave me if I don't (AS IF!!!!) I'm doing this for ME. Much like Twitter was a recent confessional and support group for someone to quit smoking, this will be mine. Here I go kids. Time to jump. 1, 2, 3..."


One Last Glimpse,

~K 

PS And just in case you're wondering...This morning I did 50 step ups and 20 stair push ups. This evening, my husband and I are going to go for a slow, leisurely walk. It's not much...but it's a start.


2 comments:

  1. YES!!! We're all holding your parachute <3

    ReplyDelete