I want to change some things about myself...

I have something I need to confess to you dear reader. I'm not perfect, I have a few physical flaws. There. I've said it. Do you still love me? Good. Me too. There ARE a few things (physically) I can admit that I DO actually like about myself. It's few and far between mind you, but hey...at least I'm not saying I TOTALLY think I'm disgusting. I do have my attributes.

My eyes are stunning, they're gorgeous. I've been complimented so many times on them by friends, family and strangers...I've always loved my eye colour. I thought it was pretty. I know it may sound arrogant but...they're very striking. They're very pale and blue. I'm TOLD my Great Grandfather Aaron had the same colour eyes. I unfortunately don't know that for a fact as he had already passed by the time I came into the picture. In any event I love them...moving on.

My hair, it's frickin pretty cool too. Maybe not always the colour, or style...but I like the texture, the length, the fact that it's nice and thick with a little bit of a curl to it. In any event, as lame as that sounds...I love it.

My face isn't completely repulsive, I'm cute enough I suppose. Not STUNNING (although my loving husband would argue) but cute. I guess. Hey, bare with me...I'm TRYING here.

Then of course...there are the boobs. The boob fairy liked me so much she visited me twice...or three times. My boobs are legend....wait for it.....ary. Or epic boobage is epic as my hubby would say. They're nice, I'll admit it. And all natural. They've helped on a few occasions too. My good girls.

The last of things (physically) I'd like to change about myself are all realistic goals. I don't want a face lift, or a nose job or anything like that. I need to loose weight...a LOT of it. Probably I'd say about half of what I currently weight would likely be my "optimum weight" health wise. Why don't I just do it? Why don't I get off my ass, and do it? I've often asked myself this question. And I don't have an answer for it, other than I'm lazy I guess. I mean I don't LIKE looking like I do, and yet I'm not inclined to do anything about it. What kind of mental deficiency is that?

I'd love to have the bod of one of my closest friends. Bikini worthy. She's gorgeous to boot, so that of course doesn't help. But I've NEVER been there. Ever. I don't think I ever WILL be either, but you never know. I really need to get my ass up and get moving. One of my worst thoughts that I occasionally have when I catch a less than flattering glimpse at myself in the mirror when I've just stepped out of the shower is: what if my husband comes to me one day and says: 'I'm sorry you repulse me, I'm leaving'. Reality check time: Not going to happen, and I know that deep down but sometimes the thought scares the shit out of me. I have those moments you know? I'm at a point now where I think I'm ready, but the thought of failure scares me. Maybe that's what's holding me back. The thought of trying to do this and not succeeding, and disappointing people who are rooting for me, maybe that's what it is? I don't know. But I need to do something.

I can only think of two other things that bother me or that I dislike. One is that I wear glasses. I'm blind without them (not legally but it sure feels that way). I would like to get contacts at some point, however I don't want coloured contacts. I don't want to change my eye colour...in any way.

The second is my teeth. They suck. When I was a kid I had a big toothy grin. When I went to get braces around 12 or so they had to pull a few teeth. One was the last of my baby teeth that didn't have an adult tooth to replace it. Lovely genetics being all that they are, I took after my Mom's Mother. Lovely. Thanks for that. So once the braces were gone, right up front I had a lovely gap where a tooth should have been. They put in a fake tooth, perma-cemented to two other teeth and life was grand.

Until one day boys and girls I went to bite into an apple (yes, that's right an apple. How ironic that in fairy tales bad things ALWAYS come from apples...this story is no different). My tooth just snapped right out. Our kids at that point were very young, money was super tight and a trip to the dentist to have it cemented back in just wasn't in the financial cards. BUT, if I put it in and left it..it would sit there properly and I could carry on as if I was normal. Awesome right??? WRONG!

It was great until one day (I still don't know how) I managed to lose my tooth in the front yard. I gotta love Alan and give credit where credit is most certainly due. He spent HOURS on his hands and knees looking for it. He even went out and got a metal detector to look for it to no avail. It was gone. I still many years later haven't had it replaced. Another thing on my list to do. And I will. I just don't smile with my teeth anymore. At least not for now.

One Last Glimpse,

~K