Okay, so you're reading this blog. I KNOW you're reading this blog. I've sent you here TO read this blog. However, I recently sent a story to another friend of mine that will (eventually) be published in a book. I knew that going into it when I submitted it. So why am I so anxiety ridden about it now? I don't have an answer for that.
I happened to text message this same friend this afternoon while I was at work to see how her night went last night. When she informed me that she was in the throws of editing my submission. I panicked My breath came quick and short, my heart pounded in my chest. I kind of laughed it off and said I hoped she enjoyed what she read and left it at that.
Up until now, unless it was for school, the only person to read my stuff has either been my friend Rachel or my husband. (School work REALLY doesn't count) I had slight reservation about sending people here to read, but I didn't feel this new feeling that I have just encountered. And to be honest, I don't know why I feel this way.
Rachel reminded me that the end game is to have "Them" read this book. Which sent me into a new tail spin. I knew that going in to this, but had forgotten. Does this mean I'm pulling my story? No, absolutely no. Rachel pointed out to me "Everybody shits". And yes, that's true, but I still was a little addled by the whole thought. And if I think about it too much, I still am. I guess if I had just let everyone and anyone read my stuff, I would be okay. But truth be told, I'm not.
It seems weird that I'd be this way. I guess I just want people to enjoy what I've written, maybe have a laugh, shed a tear or what have you. I guess the bottom line is I don't want someone to think it sucks. As I've said I'm not going to pull my story. To be honest, I think it's some of the best stuff I've ever written and I'm quite proud of it. And as odd as this sounds, I WANT it to be read. I WANT them to read it. But cutting those apron strings is hard. Maybe that's what I need to do, is just let go. And I will, if I don't hyperventilate and pass out first.
One Last Glimpse.