I'm emotional lately, a little more so than usual. Not that I couldn't and don't normally cry at a Hallmark commercial before...but this, is different.
I emailed 2 friends last week a sappy sobfest of an email...which I do on occasion and I think I bawled the entire time I wrote it. My friend whom I've known since we were about 10 or so Nat texted with me the other day and she finished our conversation with "love you" and I cried. Again today - a different friend, my friend Jane...same sweet meaningful, heartfelt words...and again...tears.
I'm not sure what it is, or why it is. I'm not the kind of person to hold in my feelings normally. If I'm happy you know it, mad, angry, upset... I consider myself to be a 'wear my heart on my sleeve' kind of person. I get attached to people that I consider a friend and when I was younger...that was a problem. I was naive to think that I wouldn't get taken advantage of or hurt. I did... but for whatever reason I just didn't learn from it until I was probably late 20's. I'd give it my all in friendships and I got hurt and stabbed in the back again and again. Was I stupid? No. But I thought so at the time. I trusted the wrong people many, many times...told people my secrets only to find out that everyone knew them.
Now, I'm blessed and privileged to have some amazing true friends both close to home and not so close to home. Some I've known since childhood that have truly stuck by me thru thick and thin and proven themselves and their love for me time and time again. Some I've known for a lot less time, but that I feel like I've known for a lifetime or more.
It was funny earlier today when I got the text and I began to cry a little. It was from 0 to about 60 in .2 seconds, I went from throwing my head back and laughing...to tears and then back again. I must have looked like a psychopath. My work space keep in mind is a glass box what with working at a gas station. Everything I do, can be seen. EVERYTHING. Every face, every gesture, every laugh and cry. The problem with that is there is nowhere really that I could have turned (even if I had wanted to) to have a moment outside of getting up and going to the washroom or the backroom and when I'm busy (like I was today) I can't do that. So I sat there, laid bare and had little...albeit happy cry. My friends know the perfect things to say when I need them to the most. I guess that's one of the many reasons I'm blessed.
I'm even more lucky to have a man who truly loves me. He loves me for me or in spite of me sometimes. He loves my passion for things (even a certain British Band...with my particular fondness for a certain bass player within said band). He just. loves. me. And I know I haven't always made it easy on him. But I'm thankful, he's not bailed on me yet. So I guess I can't be all bad.
So I guess this is a thank you, an appreciation of you, please never doubt or question if I love you. If you are here...and you are reading this...and you are taking it in the vain which it is intended. Then I'm talking to you.
Love you. Always.
One Last Glimpse,