Emotional Pedulum

I am an emotional nightmare today. I'm sitting here PURPOSELY listening to "No day but today" from the musical Rent and putting myself in tears. Who does that?? But on the other hand I have no emotional attachment to the song (other than the musical is fanfuckintastic) for me but I am just sobbing and sobbing listening to this song. WHY? The line "I'd die without you" is what's sending me over the edge. Die without who? Family? Friends? Well yes, but normally I wouldn't be in tears about it. The ONLY sentimental moment I have about that song in particular is that my sister Kristen, my eldest daughter Jessy and I went to see Rent in Toronto a few years ago and at the end of the show when they're singing that song everyone stood up and sang with them. It was emotional. It was a great feeling. But it's NOT just the song...it's ME.

What has got me so worked up? I mean yes, okay I'm seriously period-ing this month...but today is just...I'm a wreck. Even now. I'm not listening to anything, I'm not doing ANYTHING but sitting here writing this and the tears are just flowing, and I'm baffled. Completely confused. Have I lost my ever loving mind? Or what's left of it? Am I having some sort of break down? Do people when they HAVE break downs rationalize that they're having one? I just am overwhelmed with emotion right now. Don't worry gentle reader I'm not suicidal I'm just in tears. LOL Oh great now I'm making jokes...and the pendulum swings.


I wonder if this is what menopause is going to be like....if so...sorry honey! I loved you before I went mental. Even if I become a screaming *insert John Taylor's favourite curse word here that starts with a 'c' that I use too much here* I still love you! Alan's going to come home from work and I'm going to be a sobby mess, he's going to think someone ran over the cat for fuck sakes.

Maybe it's because I'm tired, or maybe I'm just trying to rationalize something away that needs no rationalization. I've already recognized a few days ago I'm emotional lately. I'm normally an emotional person but not like this...this is too much, even for me! This period needs to be gone...and I swear I don't need to be like this next month! I'll be emotional enough!

Can this over emotional-ness be gone already? Can it be next month? Can I please, just be sitting in my seat, anxiously waiting for them to come on stage? Please?

One Last Glimpse,



~K