Gentlemen...start your engines!

I've decided I'm willing to concede the fact that the UK shows are probably going to be exponentially better (if that's possible) than the North American leg. For a multitude of reasons. Really...we didn't have to wait or have a delay for when we saw them. It's my understanding our dates were pretty much when they should have been. But the UK they've waited since May (or so) not even to mention the fact that it's on home turf.

John has already stated he's a ball of nerves, personally I think he's a feisty, frisky ball of nerves going on his tweet response to poor Victoria (@boxfullohoney) who I'm certain fell out her chair at work. Gods know I would have!

But I mean really...Come on now. It's the home crowd!! It's no different than any other band. That is absolutely not to say that they didn't rip the roof off every joint they went to in North America, because judging by reviews and testaments by other Duranies they absolutely did. I know they certainly did in Toronto the night I had the privilege of seeing them. But it's a different vibe I'd wager playing on home turf, a completely different ball of wax.A little more nerve wracking, a little more exciting, and likely a different crowd and vibe. But then again I think it's always been that way really. How exciting for them though - for everyone. The UK guys have waited for months. I think it's all going to be just stellar. I'd love nothing more than to see them in the UK. I think that would be a thrill and a half! 

They don't have much longer to wait now, and judging by the fact that Simon was up at 1am this morning tweeting, he's about ready to set sail and fly too. One day more guys... so as they say here in North America...

GENTLEMEN....START YOUR ENGINES!!!

You're in for one HELL of a ride...again.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

The past comes back to haunt...and is put to rest (somewhat)

I don't know why, but I haven't been able to let go of wanting to see "the house" (prison) I was trapped for 2 summers of my youth growing up in Toronto at my Aunt's. I don't truthfully know why I want to revisit that point in my youth. Perhaps for some sort of closure. Perhaps to let the house know in some way that it didn't beat me and win. Mind you, it's not the house's fault for all that I had to endure at such a young age...and honestly the house...is quite lovely visually. Aside from the fact that (if I recall correctly) the kitchen is small, and the basement is of no real usable size, it's a lovely home. But it conjures up such anger, sadness, detest, loathing, and unmitigated rage in me...that have nothing that I can compare it to. And again, it's not the house's fault that I feel this way. It just is how I feel.

I have asked my Aunt in past what the street address was for the place and she informed me she was "Unable to recall" at the time. I remember thinking to myself are you just saying that because you don't want to tell me or honestly do you not remember what it was? I asked her again in email passing (we were conversing via email) so I decided to strike while the iron was hot and ask again. This time I got the street address.

I went to Google and input the address. The one it came up with I was confused because truthfully I didn't recall it being so close to the main intersection. But then I realized while it had given me the correct street it was not at the exact address I wanted. So I inched my way down the street. I was nervous I'll admit. I had a knot in the pit of my stomach, and a lump in my throat. But I had to see it. I had to look at it (even if the photo was taken a year or more ago - which it was). I still had to see it.

When I first set my eyes on it...I felt nauseous and anxious. I felt a sense of doom wash over me like I was 4 years old all over again, and then sadness. And then...nothing. No anger, no rage, no detest, no remorse, nothing...Actually...I think I thought 2 things. 1) I thought there was a large tree in the front yard they must have taken it out. There is a tree on the front lawn however it's a much younger tree - the tree that was there was HUGE and shady and I believe more in the area where the front path was put in towards the sidewalk - it wasn't there when I was there. And 2) I hope no one was foolish and painted over the wood work in that home it was lovely. I'm not sure what I expected really, it's not like the house is evil and an entity of it's own. It's not like the house trapped me for 2 summers of my life and imprisoned my sister and I there. I'll always have that anger. But this is about something different, they're two separate issues.

So I guess after 36 years I can somewhat put that chapter of my life to bed so to speak. Although I've not been to the house in person I now feel almost at peace with it all. Funny how just looking at a photo will do that. While I'll probably never remember nor will I know if anything untoward occurred in that house, I feel calmer when I think about it now somehow. The offending person is dead and the other likely never would talk about it anyway even if she DID know if anything went down that shouldn't have.

I feel better now...for now.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

To tell the truth...

So I've been thinking about this and going around and around about it in my head and the rest of the voices and I have agreed...it's time. I'm going to tell you something. Something so dark...so sinister..okay maybe not dark or sinister but it is something about myself that only a handful of people know. Okay it's not about me per se...but it involves me.  But it's something that I have decided after much thought, much painful deliberation that it is time to come clean. Be honest you know...fess up..."Open confession is good for the soul" (Scottish proverb) and all that.

I know you're thinking to yourself...Kendra Maureen! What could you possibly be keeping from me? I thought we were friends! Family even! Well, we are...and honestly do you think I tell you everything there is to know about me? The answer to that before you rack your pretty little head is "No". Quite frankly I don't even think I know everything there is to know about me. If I did...I'd likely be some omnipotent being that would float around on some cloud.

It's something though I honestly wasn't sure about for certain until about a month ago. I hadn't made that final leap. That final decision. Yes...this was a DECISION folks...so keep that in mind. I made the choice...not a doctor or anything...so NO I'm not sick or dying.  I am perfectly healthy (aside from the fact that I need to lose weight). This was a choice, a decision I made...something within my own control. (How rare is that?? LOL) And quite frankly...truthfully had this year not gone the way it had...had I not come into contact with the people that I have...I may never have come to this decision. To this epiphany. To this...truthfully...quite possibly life altering decision. Or if I had...it would have taken me a lot longer to get there I think. But life is funny sometimes, and can turn on a dime...and sometimes if you're very lucky what you've been searching for your entire life is staring you right in the face and just been very patiently been waiting for you to notice it.

And no I'm building this up and then tell you something daft like "My hair isn't it's natural colour" or "I think John Taylor is still as attractive as I always have" because those are 'gimmes' and I wouldn't insult your intelligence by writing that. Although that would be hysterically funny. Can you imagine getting through all this only to find out that I've confessed something you already knew that was as lame ass as that? Yea, I wouldn't put it past me either. But that's not the case. I promise. Like I said though, a select few of you already know this secret...so it's not a secret to some of you.

And yes...I'm not writing out what my big secret is yet, I'm stalling. Why? Not because I want to lay out the anticipation more, or because I think this is funny. But truthfully...it's one of those things...once I say it, it's out there, and I can't take it back, and I'm having a little bit of anxiety. Well now you're thinking "If it's that big of a deal don't worry about it". And perhaps you're right. I mean truthfully outside of just 'encouragement' there's really nothing anyone BUT ME can do about it.

Okay, I think I've stalled long enough...I hope you're not let down when I reveal my secret. If you are...Sorry! I have decided and have been working on a novel. There. I've said it. It's out there and I can't take it back. It's a romance novel...and I know right there I've lost some of you, but truthfully it's got humor in it so it's not all fucky and sucky. Even a romance novel has to have substance. I'm in the early stages of writing; but so far personally; I think it's good. And those who have read it think it's good. There have only been two people who have read what I have written and likely it will stay as such until it gets ready to be published. Anyway, there you have it...I've spilled my secret.

One Last Glimpse,



~K


Post-script: I have sat on this for the last few days trying to decide...even though I had this all written out that if I posted it...what would be the personal repercussions on myself? Did I know what I was setting myself up for letting everyone in? Did I have it within me to share this secret with you, and have it not make a difference on the outcome?  And I think...truthfully...it doesn't make a difference. It's my decision. It's my choice and it's something I feel good about. It's something...I'm going to follow through with. And if nothing comes of it, at least I know I tried. So we'll see where it goes...what happens. What does it hurt after all? And there you have it.

 ~K

Memory: It's not just a song from Cats

I was having a conversation with a couple people on Facebook tonight (about Duran) when I suddenly had the epiphany, I know FAR too much and retain far too much information about this band for someone who's never worked for them. I think I should start charging. Either that or write a damn book. Honestly, if I put half the damn energy into other tasks and things I want to accomplish I'd be done by now! Why I hold onto so many "useless" facts about this band is beyond me. (Okay not useless -- but you know what I mean) Quotes, dates, etc. It's scary...like really. I mean...there is a WEALTH of Duran trivia locked up here. *taps head*

It's not like I can just do a memory dump or format the hard drive and start over - not really that I'd want to. I don't mind having this ability to recall information or memories this well. And (Gods forbid) if I ever have Alzheimer's I'll miss my mind when it's gone. Although with my luck I'd probably forget to Alan and the kids are but retain PERFECT knowledge of who Duran is and all that those memories and information encompass.

But really it's not JUST for Duran though, just stupid little quotes and things people have said or done over the years. Dates (normal) people would have long forgotten. Just the other day I was driving along with my friend Nat when I recalled a memory from when I was probably about 6 or 7 from out at my Dad's. We're talking down to a finite detail. It scared me. I quickly got on my cell phone and texted my sister Kristen asking her if she too recalled this memory (thankfully she did and I didn't sound like a COMPLETE crack-pot).

I have no idea WHY I have such an exceptional memory I just do. I've been complimented on it before, I've had people come to me asking me to recall memories because they cannot. It's scared me on a couple of occasions the detail I've been able to go into. Occasionally I have felt like some sort of mutant or defect because of it. When I say great detail by the way...we're talking who was there, what time of day, if or not it was raining, who was wearing what...what was said... like down to the most minuscule detail. I've even said (when I'm recalling a memory) "Don't you remember this?" And they usually look at me like I have 5 heads and say "No." I guess I assume because I remember stuff the way I do...EVERYBODY does.

But having said that...I dream and converse with dead people and people that I have never met. So my judgement is suspect.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

Returning to Now: Almost a month later

For the first time the other day since October 27th I listened to Return to Now/Before the Rain while I was driving to work. I found myself instantly back in that moment, and those emotions of that moment I found they were quite raw and still very eagerly came screaming back to the surface and I began to cry. Not sob...but cry. A happy cry to be assured. I'm still back in that moment...even though the experience has long gone, and there has been significant emotional events occur since then...it was nice to know I could conjure up that moment, and those feelings and they were so readily willing and able to revisit me. I took it as a true gift, and for that I am thankful.

Things have been far more positive lately. Work is going well, with some positive possibilities on the horizon. Good and exciting things are happening for friends - positive, uplifting things. One of my friends is having a nervous break down (in a good way) because someone; whom she idolizes; told her recently she values her opinion and as a friend. Not just as random person_01 but as a friend...And I couldn't be happier for her. Did I mention this someone (the idol) is a rather famous someone? I mean c'mon! That's exciting right? Being told by someone you idolize first off that they feel the same way about you, and then the fact that this person is famous...that's really kinda awesome.

Christmas is coming it's still over a month away and yet I am so eager to put the lights all up and everything. I'm so excited. I get like a little kid at this time of year...more so than normal. Getting gifts is fun and all...but honestly... I love giving gifts. I've got two of my gifts already thought out and pre-planned. I just need time to sit and meticulously work out the finite details of exactly how I'm going to pull this off. But it's going to be truly an awesome Christmas. There's just something about this time of year that turns me into an even bigger kid than I usually am. I guess Christmas means I can just get away with it more readily. Tee Hee. So bring on the bells, holly, mistletoe and the pervy mall Santas! I can take it!

Who WOULDN'T want to find this under their tree I ask you??? Oh GOD can you imagine if he was a pervy mall Santa?? I'd be getting in the line up repeatedly!!! Mind you I think I'd have to fight off a certain Kiwi for my turn.... :P 

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Insomnia ramblings: Awake again...naturally

It's 2:11am (that's KCLT as opposed to 7:11am JTLT or 11:11pm JMLT -- HAHA...sorry J couldn't help myself!) on Monday morning. I work in a little over 12 hours and I am sitting here, at my computer wide awake. I've been to bed once for near to an hour with no luck of going to sleep...although not for lack of trying. But quite frankly it's hopeless once I start singing in my head. I might as well get up. Tonight's soundtrack started off with a little "Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate, followed by "Close to Me" by The Cure. By the time I hit "Hold Back the Rain" I knew I was fucked and it was time to get back up before I started full on go-go dancing in bed. 


So here I sit, by the warming glow of my computer screen writing this. What's more, my hubby is now awake and downstairs with me (Gods love him) which is fine. But Not only did I succeed in NOT going to sleep...but I also succeeded in waking him up as well. Go me! Although I must admit, even though he has reassured me that it is fine...I feel a tinge of guilt for waking him up as well. I have no idea why I can't sleep. I wish I COULD sleep...it would make life oh so much easier truth be told.

This week I work two, I'm off two, I work two. Which, I think... is nice. My week is a little bit more split up, but I feel more rested for some reason. I'm not sure why. I work Friday and Saturday though...which kind of sucks as those are prime "date nights" so if I wanted to do anything I really can't but I'm sure I'll live. ALTHOUGH having said that I'm done by 8pm on Saturday night so technically I could still go out Saturday night if I wanted to.


I found out this evening that in late August/Early September of 2012 the musical Wicked is going to be in Kitchener (about 45 minutes from me). If you have not seen Wicked, or have no idea what Wicked is I will enlighten you. First it was a book (series) by Gregory Maguire which then became a Tony Award winning musical..and in my humble opinion....it is brilliant. It's essentially a prequel to the Wizard of Oz, however parts of the musical do take place within what would be the movie. After watching the movie for years and many times over...and then going to see this musical - it blew my mind. It takes EVERYTHING you THINK you know about Glinda, Dorothy, and the Wicked Witch and the realm of Oz and turns it on it's ear. It's truly an incredibly brilliant show. If you have the opportunity or the interest... You MUST go. It's fun, funny, thought provoking, and an emotional journey. Like the Wizard of Oz, it is absolutely an all ages show. 


I'm finding it increasingly more and more difficult not to put up my Christmas decorations. I know it's not even the end of November, but truthfully I'm dying to do it. I'm eager, that's no lie...really there's no point in even trying to deny it because I'd fail miserably. However when I was a kid we never put our tree up before my sister's birthday on December 12th. Mostly because we always had a real tree and had my Mother bought, and set up the tree much before the 12th it would have looked like such a dried out piece of crap come Christmas morning it would have been a sad and pathetic sight. So we never did it. However, through the miracles of technology, and the improvements of fake Christmas trees...not to mention the unwillingness to have to water the sucker ever 2 days, and trying to keep the cats out of THAT mess...we have a lovely tree in a box. So the Christmas spirit may just find it's way into my home sooner rather than later. ;)


I know exactly what I'm doing for my kids this year for Christmas, which is unusual for me. The one I AM stumped on is my husband and what to get him. I have a few basic ideas...but truthfully...one of them there is no way I can afford it (we're looking at probably 1200$) and the other...I don't even know where to start looking for that without flat out asking him. And I don't want to do that. Where's the fun in that?


Alright I have rambled for almost an hour now...and like it or not...I need to get some sleep. So for now my sweet lovelies I will depart. For this one time I will leave you not with the immortal words of Simon John Charles Le Bon but those of Stephen Schwartz composer and lyricist for Wicked and the song "Defying Gravity":

ELPHABA

Something has changed within me 

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap! 

It's time to try

Defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

And you can't pull me down! 

GLINDA

Can't I make you understand? 

You're having delusions of grandeur:

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/w/wicked/defying_gravity.html ]

ELPHABA

I'm through accepting limits

''cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try, I'll never know! 

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing love I guess I've lost

Well, if that's love

It comes at much too high a cost! 

I'd sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down:

(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could

Do: together.

(sung) Unlimited

Together we're unlimited

Together we'll be the greatest team 

There's ever been

Glinda - 

Dreams, the way we planned 'em

GLINDA

If we work in tandem:

BOTH

There's no fight we cannot win

Just you and I

Defying gravity

With you and I

Defying gravity

ELPHABA

They'll never bring us down! 

(spoken) Well? Are you coming? 

GLINDA

I hope you're happy

Now that you're choosing this

ELPHABA

(spoken) You too

(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH

I really hope you get it

And you don't live to regret it

I hope you're happy in the end

I hope you're happy, my friend:

ELPHABA

So if you care to find me

Look to the western sky! 

As someone told me lately:

"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"

And if I'm flying solo

At least I'm flying free

To those who'd ground me

Take a message back from me

Tell them how I am

Defying gravity

I'm flying high

Defying gravity

And soon I'll match them in renown

And nobody in all of Oz

No Wizard that there is or was

Is ever gonna bring me down! 

GLINDA

I hope you're happy! 

CITIZENS OF OZ

Look at her, she's wicked! 

Get her! 

ELPHABA

:Bring me down! 

CITIZENS OF OZ

No one mourns the wicked

So we've got to bring her

ELPHABA

Ahhh! 

CITIZENS OF OZ

Down!

One Last Glimpse,



~K

The Death of Originality: Long live the 80's

With all these remakes of classic movies/tv shows it makes me weep (even more) for our future generations. Do none of these up and coming musicians or movie makers have an original thought? It's creeping into music now too...I hear so many remakes on the radio these days it's not even funny. Songs that have had lyrics changed but the tune is so similar or a blatant rip off from an 80's song that it's not even funny. Oh sure they'd say it's "sampling" I call it rip off plain and simple. It's pathetic really.

And yes...remakes of songs have been going on for years. I get that. So has sampling of other songs. Shit, even Barry Manilow took part of a Chopin song and made it into a classic back in the 70's - that was even before we knew what "sampling" was, before it even had a name. (Chopin and Mr. Manilow respectively -- I urge you to take the time to listen to both...This song is the reason why I ended up playing piano in the first place, rumor has it I started playing this on the piano and that's when my Mother decided I needed to go into piano lessons).

I guess what REALLY burns my ass is the fact that these new artists aren't paying the original art form the proper respect they're due. IF they were making something of equal quality or perhaps even surpassing their predecessors then I wouldn't complain...but it's a big money grab and they seemingly just don't give a crap, and they shit all over the body of work that they are trying to improve upon. There is the odd occasion where they either get it right or surpass the original, but those moments are so vastly few and far between. I just don't get it.

Perhaps I'm a little...over protective of my youth. Perhaps I need to let go and broaden my horizons. I dunno. But I swear to fuck if that little Justin Bieber twerp ever even THINKS about touching Duran...he'd better grow a set first because quite frankly...they're way WAY out of his league. He'd be better off sticking to singing Usher tunes. (JUST for the record NO I have NOT heard that young Twerp err I mean Justa Beaver err I mean Justin is DARING to tackle a Duran song...I'm just SAYING...a...forewarning if you will).

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is...can someone pleeease have an original thought? Or, if you want to redo someone's art. PLEASE have the courtesy to at the very least attempt to make one almost equally as good if you cannot surpass the original? Is that really too much to ask?? Thanks in advance...

One Last Glimpse,


~K

Question, question I've got a question! Version 1.0

Before I start this blog entry let me preface by saying I have been very blessed in my life to have been given the musical opportunities that I have been. When I was 5 until I was 16 I took classical piano lessons from a professor of music that was trained in Italy (he was from Italy - Professor Romeo Fracalanza). When I was 12 I began viola in school and took that until I was a senior in high school. I was in choir from grade 6 onward in school and my vocal teacher in high school was completely brilliant and now tours (rather successfully) as a tenor opera singer. I also took 2 years of classical guitar in high school. Like I said, I've been very blessed in my musical opportunities.

@jencutler1asked me tonight on twitter how long I've been playing bass for. Tihs is a rather difficult question to answer for me. I took double upright bass for about 6 months in public school in grade 8. I switched public schools for the first half of grade 8 and my class had no bass players in it. Since I read music, I offered to the teacher to play bass so that my class would have a bass player. I switched back to my old school later in grade 8 and my old music teacher decided that she wanted me back on viola (read: "Control freak") and so my bass playing days came to a screeching (albeit temporary) halt. In high school my friend Nat dated a guy who's brother played bass and I frequently played around on his bass. But I think that was when I was about 15 or 16...and since then...I haven't played.

In May about a month before my 40th birthday in June my husband (as I have previously blogged)   bought me my beautiful, gorgeous, stunning bass that has been dubbed "Rio". Rio is dark brown Peavey 4 string BXP bass guitar very much like the one our lovely John Taylor plays currently.

I feel... like I have forgotten how to play bass. I don't feel like I'm LEARNING to play...although I am. I feel more like I'm remembering...and its as odd for me to write that as it is for you to read it.

Since I started in earnest back in May, I have learned (by Duran) via a youtube tutorial how to play: Serious. By ear I taught myself: Safe and All you Need is Now. I'm currently working on Save a Prayer as well as Come Together by The Beatles. I sat one day and also taught myself Love Removal Machine by The Cult but to be honest as much as I adore the song, after learning a Duran Duran song...the line in The Cult song was a snoozefest. So I left it behind. But it's another song I can play.

I enjoy a challenge musically. So who better to have as your idol for bass playing than someone who has been noted by others as a brilliant player but makes things far more elaborate than they need to be? (Yes that has been said about John). But in my opinion that "elaborateness" is what lends itself as an integral part of Duran's original and unique sound that I've always loved.

So in answer to your question Jen... "in total" I guess it's been close to 2 years that I've played. Mostly self taught, although I did have classes at school on the double (upright) bass. But honestly...truthfully it feels oddly like it's what I've always done and known how to do.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Class Personified

It's funny - you think you know people, stars, or your idols after you've read enough about them. You think you know all you need to. But do you? Or are you clouded by your own personal affinity and affections or disdain for the person that an accurate picture can't truly be formed? Let's face, it the media is not always kind and stories can and do get blown out of proportion. I mean really...

But then...on the odd occasion even after you've formed your own thoughts and opinions about someone, you've  read things (good, bad or indifferent) you find yourself in unexpected conversation with people or the person you never in a million years you thought you would be and you find out that they're exactly the type of person they are. In this case, the person I'm speaking of...I'm very pleased to say...is exactly what I envisioned them to be like (from the limited actual personal exposure I've had to them).

You see, I've always liked Julie Anne Rhodes. I've always felt she was not only beautiful and glamorous, but intelligent and smart as well. (And yes...there is a difference).

For those of you; who don't know who Julie Anne Rhodes is; she is a former model as well as the ex wife of the keyboardist Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran. She is the bloggess extraordinaire and owner of The Roving Stove . She always takes the time out of her personal chef career to answer (most) questions and take part on her website. She's funny and uplifting. And she's also in by books...class personified.

Today the Duran site announced that Nick had received an honorary doctorate from the University of Bedfordshire for his contribution to the Arts. Before Jewels Tweeted or Facebooked anything having to do with her own business...she took the time to both Tweet and Facebook her personal congratulations about Nick (her ex husband's) honor and doctorate. Only a class act would do that. Class. Act.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Veni, Vidi, Duranie (I came, I saw, I Duraned)

I'm at work and it's far busier than normal for any Sunday that I've worked so far since we opened almost a year ago. The Boys (it's funny at 50+ how they're still referred to as "Boys") are down in Brazil at a festival they're playing at. They actually (according to the wonders of technology and all that is Twitter) just finished a truncated set and now John is watching Peter Gabriel from side stage. How odd and yet extraordinarily cool that must be to watch someone you idolize and enjoy performing while you watch them "side stage".

I don't think something like that could ever feel like it was common place or normalcy, although after 30 years I suppose to them it would be for he most part. Or it could be... or have the potential to be. Would it make i any less exciting? No, I'm sure not. Do I think they take advantage of heir position? Maybe sometimes...who wouldn't? I'm sure though that they've learned over the years when and where to name drop and use their station without being labelled a pratt, git, arrogant or a general brat or pain in the ass. It also comes with maturity I'm sure as well. I mean they're still John "Fucking" Taylor or Simon "Fucking" Le Bon of course, just now (dare I say it?) a might more mature, grown up version. Okay, maybe not.

I've felt more myself the last few days... which is great because I was feeling completely out of sorts. It was disturbing actually. I've been short agitated and just generally bitchy and cranky lately. Mind you as I said before I hadn't even come off the high from seeing Duran in Toronto when Brad passed. I've not handled his death well (for me) normally I'm fairly even keeled and very much a move forward, move on, see them in the next life (if not before) kind of girl. But he was so young, and his death was so heartbreaking-ly tragic that it's been difficult for everyone. There's things that were left unresolved with so many with him and now there's no chance for them to resolve the issues. The guilt for them is palpable and is something that they'll have to live with for the rest of their lives. I'm grateful that the last thing I said to Brad was "Love you".

I'm listening to my MP3 player here at work and Simon is singing "Save a Prayer". This lyric (among others) has always had me baffled. (I know you're thinking WOT? A Simon Le Bon lyric has you baffled?? Say it ain't so! I can't imagine it! Oh, but it is...) "Don't say a prayer for me now, save it till the morning after." The morning after what exactly? The next morning? Why wait? And what exactly did he do the night before that he may require a prayer for the next morning? (Clearly by this last paragraph it has become obvious I have far too much time on my hands here at work). But seriously? Don't even get me started on "Union of the Snake". What the fuck does a snake need a union for? Do they have dental? (And why in the hell would you want to stay a cold day with a lonely satellite? Why is the satellite lonely in the first place? Am I seriously the only one who wonders these things?)

Anyway...what was my point again?

One Last Glimpse,


~K

Concerts

My sister Kristen and I were talking the other day about different concerts I've seen over the years. I got thinking about it...and it's an interesting list.

My very first concert was a Canadian band called Platinum Blonde. I was in grade 9 and another Canadian act Animotion opened for them at the London Gardens. (Although that was not supposed to be my first concert had things gone the way they were supposed to go...Bruce Springsteen would have been my first concert (although had I had MY way Duran would have been my first concert -- but I digress!). My Mom had bought tickets from someone that she worked with boyfriend. Two weeks before the concert the tickets were confiscated into evidence when he was busted for scalping Tina Turner tickets for her Private Dancer tour. Ooops!) So Platinum Blonde it was. If you've never heard of Platinum Blonde it's really no big surprise. I don't think they really broke out any further than Canada (maybe into the States somewhat but I don't think much further...) They're biggest hit as I understand it was probably this one called "Crying over You".  Probably not my favourite one that they came out with, but definitely their most popular. (Animotion had their own hits with Obsession and later Room to Move ).

My second concert was supposed to be David Lee Roth (when he was solo from Van Halen). I had purchased the ticket but one of the people I was to go with (who was driving) claimed he "didn't have room for me" (which was bullshit - he just didn't like me). So while I had the ticket...I didn't go. I found out the next day that not only was there room for me in the car (Angus drove this big ass "boat" of a car)...but that DLR had been brought out into the audience on a surf board and been taken right past my friend Natalie while she screamed and cheered in delight. Rat bastards.

I saw Glass Tiger , and Honeymoon Suite (my two favourite songs for H.S.) at free concerts in Victoria Park (a local park here in downtown London). As well as Kim Mitchell at a hot air balloon festival here in London. All of these are Canadian bands...so if you haven't heard of them...don't feel bad. While they all have their own absolutely qualities about them...I don't think any of them are still around and together performing (that includes Platinum Blonde and Animotion for that matter -- at least one member of Platinum Blonde passed in the last few years).

I think the next concert I saw wasn't until the late 90's (as we won't even discuss the whole Duran Duran Wedding Album tour heartbreak fiasco). I saw Savage Garden (again one of my favourite songs one of their more known ones). I saw Savage Garden on their final tour together -- what a brilliant show that was. I am a huge, huge Savage Garden/Darren Hayes fan. They are the only ones (aside from Duran) that I could listen to for hours and not be tired of the music. I have loved other bands/groups/musicians and while none have EVER surpassed Duran...I think Savage Garden/Darren Hayes is one of the very few that have come close.

I saw Nsync (three times total). The first show had Pink open for them when she had released her first album. While Nsync's show was always brilliant and entertaining - Pink was completely amazing. She sang, in tune, without being able to hear herself. I was floored. I would go back to see Pink any day, any time, any where.
She was just that good.

The next show I saw was one that Mar-Cat and I went to see together. New Kids on The Block. Mary loved New Kids growing up. And I'll admit it...I liked them too. It was an exciting milestone in our sistership to be able to enjoy them together in their reunion tour (considering the fact that when they broke up years prior neither she nor I ever thought we'd be sharing that moment -- but there we were). It was a blast. And I loved it.

Then there was "Rock the Park" 2 years ago. London every year hosts a 3 or 4 day festival with various bands performing to raise awareness and money for MLD . I saw April Wine , Heart (who were completely, unbelievably staggeringly mind blowing) and the iconic southern rockers Lynrd Skynrd in one show. What a fantastic afternoon/evening of music.

Earlier this year was a revisit back to New Kids with Mary. Only THIS time... Backstreet Boys got into the mix. (Mary's other favourite band growing up). So we went to Toronto and saw NKOTBSB baby.... . Their show was high energy, and a lot of fun...but truthfully knowing what awaited me, and having already seen New Kids... it wasn't as over the top as I had hoped it would be. That's not to say I didn't have fun with Mary, Maureen and Megan. I absolutely did! I just wasn't as psyched as I thought I would be.

And then of course...most recently there was Duran Duran . There's nothing really I can say about that that I haven't already conveyed my thoughts on. Brilliant. Mind blowing. Sexy. Everything I thought and knew it would be...and more.

I love concerts. I love music. It's something that drives me and that I have a passion for. I don't get to as many concerts as I'd like to. And certainly there's bands past and current that I'd like to see (or see again...can't imagine who that would be) and hopefully, someday I'll have that opportunity.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Mary Catharine Mungar: My Mary-Cat

When Alan and I started dating, I was 16...he was 18. He was my first serious boyfriend, and not only was he the one that I lost my virginity to...but he was also ultimately "The One".

Alan is the oldest of 7 children. Some are full siblings, some are step and one is a half sibling. It matters not which are which. They see each other as brothers and sisters as they should. From oldest to youngest they are: Alan, Rob, Dan, Megan, Christine, Maureen and Mary.

Through various stages I have had close relationships with each of them. They're good people who (like everyone) have their flaws and foibles but are good people whom I love and care for very deeply.

For some reason; right from the get go; my youngest sister (in law) and I have hit it off. I used to go to pick her up from kindergarten and she would always get so excited when she saw me. She always had the biggest, warmest hug for me every time I saw her. She still does and I cherish that. Very deeply.

Maybe it's because I didn't treat her like a "little kid" or a child. Maybe it's because I always watched tv with her when she asked, maybe it's because I always said "yes" when she'd ask me to play cards with her. Just an FYI Mar, I never EVER "let you win" it's not my thing. I just sucked! Ha! Ha!

Mary is a spectacularly caring, loving, and nurturing individual. She is; by far; the hands down favourite Aunt out of all her nieces and nephews. Simply because while she is the "cool" Aunt...she also keeps them in line and keeps them all in check. She can also be a drama-mama but is fully aware of that aspect of her personality and tries to avoid it like the plague or have it surface as little as she can manage it.

Mary is not only my sister (in law) but also my friend. Ours is a unique relationship and I am thankful for her more than I could ever put into words. It's a true honour to know the beautiful, young woman she has become and I am so very proud of her. As she should be of herself.

Mary-Cat my Mary-Cat,

 I am so proud of you. You're smart, funny, beautiful and loving. Everything I know your Mom hoped you would be. You are a strong, brave woman who has at times had difficulties tossed her way. Always know that you are loved by so many here and gone. They knew you loved them just as much as they loved you.

 Also...never forget the following: Please Don't Go Girl, because you've got the Right Stuff. You're my Cover Girl, my Valentine Girl, and my Favourite Girl. Even if it's 2 in the Morning, in the Summertime, you know if you take it Step by Step Tonight I'll be Loving You Forever. So Whatcha Gonna Do About it? Just keep Hangin Tough...because I Need You...and have a Funky, Funky Christmas.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Open Letter #3 - Ray

I had a dream of you yesterday. You played a significant role within the dream; although I don't remember the details. I just remember you played a prominent part within the dream. It's likely someone trying to tell me that I need to fix things with you. Hell for all I know it could have been you trying to tell me we need to fix things. But truthfully, I did nothing I have to fix. I was open and honest just as you had asked me (us) to be. And you got mad. End of. You can't have it both ways. Either you wanted us to be open, honest and mature about the situation and speak to each other about it when we felt the need to like you said you wanted...or you wanted a lie with a straight face. Apparently the latter was the correct one.

Truth be told (and I still stand by this a year later) you should have told your wife first. Well no; you shouldn't have married her in the first place. You should have spared her the pain, embarrassment, and humiliation of when this all comes out - and it WILL come out. You're not that good of an actor. Not to mention the fact that you have a reputation that proceeds you for torpedoing your relationships...stretching all the way back to high school. Romantic and otherwise. I wish I knew why. I don't even think you know why.

I wish we could square this shit away. I do. But you are so fucking stubborn. You'll never admit you were in the wrong. You'd be more inclined to just message me one day like there was nothing wrong, like nothing ever happened. And I wish I could move forward and be okay with that; with no apology; but I don't think I could be.

I'm not mad at you anymore though. I'm not angry when I think about you like I was. I'm not saying Alan didn't say some serious shit, but truthfully, honestly, if you think about it...really think about it...He was right. And you know it. I think that's why you're so pissed off. And why you've not gotten in touch. Because you know...to a certain extent...he's right.

I miss you though. We got close again before you did this. And what's funny is, I never realized that I was even missing you until we started talking. Funny. I guess everything happens for a reason. Life goes on. Mine has. Without you in it. But that was your decision; not mine; and that's the way things go I guess.

I hope you're well, I hope you're happy, and I hope someday...maybe even soon...our paths cross again.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Chaos reigns supreme

Ever since I got back from the Duran experience life seems to be chaotic at best. Nothing seems to make sense and I suppose that that is quasi normal since the family has been thrown into turmoil last week with the sudden passing of my nephew Brad. He was so young (16) and part of me still can't get over it all. It seems very surreal. Almost like I've got my head underwater and everything I hear, see and listen to is that murky underwater gurgle sound. Nothing intelligible.

I'm very sorry to you my dear readers for seemingly slacking on this blog, but since returning from Duran, then Brad's death and funeral I have been unmotivated, disinclined and generally lazy ever since. This week though, I plan to be productive. Writing, playing my bass (which I haven't done in about a month). It will be good and do me some good to get back to my routine. And I say bring it on!

Today while sleeping before work I had a dream with an ex-friend in it. One I haven't spoken to in well over a year. Do I still give a shit about him? Yes, of course, but honestly at this stage in the game...I don't feel that the friendship is repairable. It's very fractured, very complicated and a lot of words would have to be spoken and repaired before I could even entertain the idea of repairing the friendship. Could it ever be done? Perhaps...but not now. But I do miss him a great deal more than I ever thought I would.

I know some of you are probably wondering what happened. And to be truthful without going into a huge amount of detail and spilling someone else's secrets I really cannot say. Suffice to say, it's left our friendship broken and shattered. And at one point that made me mad. VERY mad. Just so you are aware. It IS possible to piss me off. If you press that right button...I can and have gone nuclear. Which to be honest is very much off the beaten path for me. I'm not the kind of person who gets mad easily - but when you do piss me off...look out. I think I try to remain as calm as possible for as long as possible because I know myself well enough to know and recognize in myself that I have a bad temper...when provoked.

ANYWAY! That is not what this blog entry was about! Not that it really was "about" anything in particular. But in any event...here we are.

I think I desperately need to take time this week just to take a moment, take a few deep breaths and get myself in order. The sooner, the better. I'll let you know how it turns out.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

Forever loved: A memorandum

One of my nephews passed away suddenly and tragically Sunday morning. It was completely unexpected and it has left me off kilter and out of sorts since. I loved my nephew Brad, as I love all of my nieces and nephews. I have tried in vain to write something about him since and it wasn't until this afternoon while at work, I found my words.


I was sitting here today at work, sad and despondent about the untimely, and unexpected passing of my nephew. And I really truly wanted to be sad. It was just one of those moments where I was happy being melancholy which to be truthful is so far from who I am, and what I embody it's never a good thing when I get into that frame of mind. It's not who I am. Typically I'm happy go lucky. I don't tend to look or go to "the dark place". I never have. Today for a while...I did. I had no music on (by choice) to pull me out of my depression and funk I found myself in. No texting. Just work. I could feel myself slipping further into sadness and being forlorn and I was okay with that. I wasn't in tears although I could have easily been, but truthfully since Sunday morning everything has just been completely surreal.

I'm brokenhearted. Without going into huge long winded detail; while Bradley was not my eldest nephew, he was the first one I ever held. And despite all his problems, I truly adored Brad. I loved him so very much and now he's gone. And I can never have him back. I can never have another hug from him and hear him say "Love you Aunt Kendra". I'm fucking angry, I won't candy-coat it. I'm fucking pissed and enraged that he's gone. But, I have no idea who to be angry with...which of course pisses me off even more. Should I be angry with Brad for doing what he did? I just don't know. He was 16 for fuck sakes, a baby...just starting his life. He had a girl friend, and said he was "in love" but like every teenager, each new relationship he was "in love".

He was no innocent, but at the same time and in the same breath he was completely innocent. He had been in trouble with the law a few times for stupid little things (it's not that what he did wasn't serious, but he didn't kill anyone is what I'm driving at). More often than not it was a case of trying to impress his friends and he had gotten caught. He was noble - took the fall at least once for a friend who of course he was adamant would do the same thing for him. He was always there for family and friends when they needed him - to a fault. It's my belief this flaw or fault is what ultimately killed him.

Now he'll never know true love, never have kids, never get married and never grow old like I always thought that he would.

I'm sitting here at work today thinking about this. Not being uplifted or happy...nor really did I want to be. Since his passing I have had a song (which Simon dedicated to "passed loved ones" at the show on Thursday) "Ordinary World" has been creeping around in my head almost on repeat. Brad wasn't a Duran fan, but for whatever reason, the song has been stuck.

So here I am, in my funk...my mourning for my nephew, for myself enjoying my little pity party I'm having in full swing, my self wallowing sadness with "Ordinary World" playing for the millionth time in my head. At this point a gentleman came in; whom I have never seen in the store before; and placed his keys down on the counter to pay for his gas. He had multiple keychains and fobs off different rings all interlocking. One of his key chains I noticed was the new logo - the Duran pink "D". I admit I looked at it a couple of times thinking to myself that there is no way I'm actually seeing what I think I'm seeing. But there it was.

I sighed to myself after he left and chose to take it as a sign from the Muses, The Gods and my nephew Brad...to move forward. And while it's fine to cry, be sad and remember him...you have to move forward, move on and keep keeping on...because as cliche as it sounds: All you need...is now...because it's all you have.

One Last Glimpse,

~K