Sunday, 27 November 2011

To tell the truth...

So I've been thinking about this and going around and around about it in my head and the rest of the voices and I have's time. I'm going to tell you something. Something so sinister..okay maybe not dark or sinister but it is something about myself that only a handful of people know. Okay it's not about me per se...but it involves me.  But it's something that I have decided after much thought, much painful deliberation that it is time to come clean. Be honest you know...fess up..."Open confession is good for the soul" (Scottish proverb) and all that.

I know you're thinking to yourself...Kendra Maureen! What could you possibly be keeping from me? I thought we were friends! Family even! Well, we are...and honestly do you think I tell you everything there is to know about me? The answer to that before you rack your pretty little head is "No". Quite frankly I don't even think I know everything there is to know about me. If I did...I'd likely be some omnipotent being that would float around on some cloud.

It's something though I honestly wasn't sure about for certain until about a month ago. I hadn't made that final leap. That final decision. Yes...this was a DECISION keep that in mind. I made the choice...not a doctor or NO I'm not sick or dying.  I am perfectly healthy (aside from the fact that I need to lose weight). This was a choice, a decision I made...something within my own control. (How rare is that?? LOL) And quite frankly...truthfully had this year not gone the way it had...had I not come into contact with the people that I have...I may never have come to this decision. To this epiphany. To this...truthfully...quite possibly life altering decision. Or if I would have taken me a lot longer to get there I think. But life is funny sometimes, and can turn on a dime...and sometimes if you're very lucky what you've been searching for your entire life is staring you right in the face and just been very patiently been waiting for you to notice it.

And no I'm building this up and then tell you something daft like "My hair isn't it's natural colour" or "I think John Taylor is still as attractive as I always have" because those are 'gimmes' and I wouldn't insult your intelligence by writing that. Although that would be hysterically funny. Can you imagine getting through all this only to find out that I've confessed something you already knew that was as lame ass as that? Yea, I wouldn't put it past me either. But that's not the case. I promise. Like I said though, a select few of you already know this it's not a secret to some of you.

And yes...I'm not writing out what my big secret is yet, I'm stalling. Why? Not because I want to lay out the anticipation more, or because I think this is funny. But's one of those things...once I say it, it's out there, and I can't take it back, and I'm having a little bit of anxiety. Well now you're thinking "If it's that big of a deal don't worry about it". And perhaps you're right. I mean truthfully outside of just 'encouragement' there's really nothing anyone BUT ME can do about it.

Okay, I think I've stalled long enough...I hope you're not let down when I reveal my secret. If you are...Sorry! I have decided and have been working on a novel. There. I've said it. It's out there and I can't take it back. It's a romance novel...and I know right there I've lost some of you, but truthfully it's got humor in it so it's not all fucky and sucky. Even a romance novel has to have substance. I'm in the early stages of writing; but so far personally; I think it's good. And those who have read it think it's good. There have only been two people who have read what I have written and likely it will stay as such until it gets ready to be published. Anyway, there you have it...I've spilled my secret.

One Last Glimpse,


Post-script: I have sat on this for the last few days trying to decide...even though I had this all written out that if I posted it...what would be the personal repercussions on myself? Did I know what I was setting myself up for letting everyone in? Did I have it within me to share this secret with you, and have it not make a difference on the outcome?  And I doesn't make a difference. It's my decision. It's my choice and it's something I feel good about. It's something...I'm going to follow through with. And if nothing comes of it, at least I know I tried. So we'll see where it goes...what happens. What does it hurt after all? And there you have it.


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