Duran Duran: My trip down the rabbit hole: A reflection, realization & some "really fucking tasty" cake

Let me preface this blog by saying the following: I made a conscious decision after Simon hurt his voice and they announced the North American tour dates that I would not watch any of the youtube footage that would invariably end up online. I would gladly listen to other people's accounts of their experiences and admire their photos but did not want to actually hear or watch any of the show if I could at all help it. I managed to avoid videos and my own curiosity. I wanted my first Duran Duran live experience to be my own, not someone else's.
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I had thought; prior to my first Duran experience; that I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I had thought; like so many others before me; that I would go to Toronto and have the honour of seeing my favourite  musician(s) (singular or plural); performing for the first time. But, if I'm being honest with myself and with you...it was far more than that for me.

Back in 1982, the first time I ever heard the dulcet tones of Duran Duran I think I subconsciously put them up on a pedestal and have tried since then (in vain) to find another musical act; who in my mind; I could compare them to. One that left me as fulfilled, awakened, electrified, and thrilled me as much as Duran has both then and now. But none have yet to surpass them.

In my 29 years of being a fan of Duran Duran as a whole, as well as it's compartmentalized counterparts, I never thought the Duran concert experience would effect and touch me the way that it has.

A band called Neon Trees opened for Duran on this leg of the tour. Their music; much like Duran's is catchy and honestly the lead singer has a great voice, he's very dynamic and really knows what works. The drummer is phenomenal and they have a great sound.

In between Neon Trees and Duran taking to the stage, we had the privilege of finally getting to meet two of the lovely ladies myself and my friend Rachel tweet and facebook with. Kristina (@kristinapod) and Christine (@barbarella_5) are truly just as lovely and vivacious in person as they are online. Truly both gorgeous ladies  inside and out and it was great to meet them both!

Our seats were 2nd row from the front and we were pretty much dead centre. It was incredible to be close...very close to the stage. We could see every smile, wink, nod, and gesture that they gave to one another onstage. It was a little surreal to be able to actually read their lips during conversations they would have amongst themselves. I almost felt as if I were eavesdropping at times.

When the lights went down, there was this massive roar that started at the back of the arena and rushed forth from behind me. I can only liken it to a massive wave rushing headlong towards the shore at breakneck speed and then crashing against the rocks and exploding upward.

Instrumental music met my ears (one of the vignette interludes from All you Need is Now - "Return to Now") and at that very moment my 29 years of waiting, and anticipation of seeing this band, these icons, my idols rushed up at me and I was overwhelmed.

I watched Nick Rhodes and Roger Taylor take their positions, I saw the silhouette of John Taylor walk onto the stage. This man who I have not only had a crush on but have moreover idolized as a musician since I was 13 take his rightful position and then the shadowy silhouette of Simon Le Bon appeared at the back of the stage.

My breath caught, I remember (sort of) chuckling in an odd off sort of way a little bit, and then the brimming of tears under my eyelids. I had chuckled; I think in retrospect; because in a flash of an instant my whole journey of getting to the moment in which I found myself seemed amusing to me. Perhaps I had a momentary psychotic break, a moment of complete lunacy...I'm not sure.

I know I said something; repeatedly; but now as I sit here trying to recall what it was I'm not sure. I don't know if I said "Oh?!" or "Oh my?!" those are the only things that are coming to mind. I just know I said it (whatever "it" was) over and over again. I have a vague recollection of Rachel rubbing my back asking if I was alright. I think perhaps she thought I was going to pass out. But truthfully in that moment I probably could have done just about anything. I was more than "alright". But I think all I mustered was a "fine".

I recovered and pulled myself together by the time Simon finished the first line of the song. I screamed, yelled, cheered, whistled, smiled, sang, danced, laughed...hell I even phoned a friend!!!! The whole party experience was thoroughly enjoyed. Truth be told I think the guys had fun right along with us. Or at least I'd like to think so anyway. It was Simon's birthday after all and he had just that little bit of an extra bit of spring in his step and cheekiness. It wasn't just them hosting a party for us...it was also us hosting and having a party for Simon. And it was obvious he was having a ball.

Just before the encores began we had the pleasure and honour of singing "Happy Birthday" to him while they wheeled out a large birthday cake onto the stage. Honestly, at one point I thought John was going to shove Simon's face in the cake. I don't know if the thought crossed his mind or not (I can't imagine that it didn't!). But before anyone could do anything, Simon pressed his own face into the cake, at which point John literally fell to his knees in hysterical laughter. To be honest I'm not sure which I found more amusing, Simon being his typical perpetual Peter Pan self or John's reaction to the situation.

There really is no way to explain a Duran show except to say it's more than a show. It truly is an experience. They have a way of making you feel like you're a part of the Duran family, part of their family. They make you feel to home, more than "just fans", they make you feel like they're grateful you came and that you're appreciated. I've never experienced that with anyone else I've ever seen in concert before. It was truly as much an honour for us fans as it was for them.

As predicted it all went past far too quickly, and now what remains are memories I will hold onto until I can add to them. It was far more than a concert, it truly was an experience. I feel like I had a tumble down the rabbit hole; and had a true moment of clarity; where everything shifted a little more into focus and you "get it". Perhaps that analogy sounds a little melodramatic but honestly, truthfully I can't think of another way to put it. I get it. I found my direction and path in the middle of a Duran Duran concert. I know the path I'm meant to be on, and it's up to me to follow it.

Someone asked me after the show "Do you get it now? The wait? The reason why it took 29 years?" My answer (to you...and you know who you are) is: More than you can possibly imagine. Thank you.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

To find myself in the moment - A countdown

First let me start off by apologizing. This is probably going to be one of the longest posts yet...for both of us. 

11 Days - I was going to start this tomorrow with a 10 day count down; but why put off till tomorrow what you can blog and talk about today? Yes ladies and gentlemen this is my 10 11 day count down till Duran. Today they perform in Washington DC. Tomorrow I dunno, but my point is this...there are a mere ELEVEN DAYS until I see Duran. Could I be anymore excited?? Oh I think I can! Our tickets haven't arrived yet (as far as I know) although I have confidence and faith that all will be well. Surely I wouldn't have come THIS far only to be kicked in the teeth again by some cruel intention of the universe. Or at least, I better not have if the universe knows what's good for it. Although that would be funny if we were told: "we can't find your tickets soooo...we've arranged for you to meet them AND see the show for your inconvenience." Ya right. I couldn't be THAT lucky. But it would be cool none the less.  Hey, a girl can dream right?

10 Days - Gods and Muses...is it really only 10 days away? Could I really be this close?I have waited so long and so very patiently for this moment, that truthfully as it draws closer, I find myself refuting and denying the fact that "this time" it's going to happen. Perhaps its a self-preservation mechanism kicking in. That way if anything were to happen I'll be okay. I won't crack and break like some fragile china doll. I was so upset last time when I couldn't go, and I know Rach was too. Such a disappointment. But, time goes by...and now we have come full circle to this point.

This evening was spent (while I was at work) laughing about one Monsieur LeBon's fashion missteps. I know in times past one Mr. Taylor and Mr. Rhodes would purge the foul evil fashion spirits when he was not looking (aka chuck the clothes they found ugly out the hotel window when Simon was in the can or otherwise occupied). But apparently they have been lax in their duties in the last few years. How can someone who has a fashion model as a wife (and a daughter), a best friend (or two) who have phenomenal taste in clothes be such a fashion disaster? The world may never know. I personally think one Simon John Charles LeBon does it just to make Nick and Yasmin's eye twitch.

So I'm excited...truthfully, I think Rach is excited too...but so much is going on in her world with those two beautiful girls of hers that her mind is drawn to Holls and Bowie. 90% of the time. And why shouldn't it be?  But I think she takes her days one at a time...I think she's looking forward to going away for the night and of course enjoying the show. Or at least...I'd like to hope so! I want the next 10 days to wing past...I know it will seem that they won't, but all too soon it will have come and gone. I'm certain I'll be left wanting more; just as I always have been; even before all this came about. And truthfully, honestly, I know while this is the first time in 29 years I'll have this pleasure....It won't be the last time.

 9 Days - This morning was spent with Rachel over coffee having one hell of a laugh with my husband. (Notice I said WITH and not AT). Our conversation ran the gamut from economical social ramifications of our current state of affairs to Duran Duran. We howled with laughter at a tirade my husband went off on to the point of Rachel almost peeing her pants as tears streamed down her face...it was classic. I always have a great time with my friends and this morning was no exception. I'm trying hard to not think about the concert...I really am. But truthfully, honestly...I'm so excited and so looking forward to this show I can barely see straight. It was mentioned this morning and truthfully I about bounced out of my seat. Just the mere mention of it, I try to keep myself in check...I really do. No seriously! I could drone on and on about it for hours like a prepubescent child giving facts, figures, and reasons as to why I am so excited. Shit son, I probably could draw you a to scale schematic and a working diorama if you asked me to. But I'm trying to remain calm...for Rachel's sanity and for my own well being. After all, for those 48 hours she'll be the one who will have to put up with me for 80% of the time, and I don't want her wanting to kill me by the end of it. Although she may just anyway.

8 Days - Did you know there are other things out there BESIDES Duran??? Yes, I know I'm shocked too (KIDDING). Yesterday, for some reason I had to listen to the song "The Story" which was originally sang by Brandi Carlile and later on done by Sara Ramirez of Grey's Anatomy . I prefer Sara Ramirez's version... I LOVE this woman's voice. Truly. And every time I watch that video of the scene from Grey's I cry. 'Callie' (the woman in the bed/the one singing the song aka Sara Ramirez) is such a dynamic larger than life character. She's fun, funny, flirty, and just a great, great person. Her character and the way she plays her is the way she is. There's just something about her that I am drawn to. The song is brilliant, and inspiring. It's a positive affirmation to oneself and ones partner - although could just as easily be speaking of a friend or family member. It's a great song that I highly recommend checking out and I just thought I'd throw that out there.

I'm sitting in my living room this morning...it's quiet and no one else is awake quite yet. I love this time of day. Very peaceful. It gives me time to think and appreciate all the gifts I've been given, and all my opportunities that I have before me. I can think about my family, my friends and their impact on my life; good or bad, big or small; and exactly what they mean to me, and what I mean to myself. Where I'm going, and what I want to do. I'm committed; quietly; to a course of action and what my intentions are with that action. My inspiration, love, devotions, and passions are all derived from the same place - within me. I just need to make them work and see them through to finality and completion. You're probably asking yourself; well, that's great! But what does that have to do with your countdown till the concert?  Probably more than you know.

7 Days -  Seven days...what can I say about Seven days? It's a week. Despite the Beatles insistence there were '8 days a week'. There are actually only seven...The Beatles lied. (Ya I said it!) Seven days until Rach and I drive to Toronto to see Duran Duran. How do I feel...I feel excited. I feel like I'm actually going to be overwhelmed when they come out on stage. I don't think I'll cry. Scream and whistle most definitely. Cry? Probably not. Maybe...but I don't think so.

We got an email...or Rachel did, saying we'll "be on a list" because our tickets won't arrive in time. This is what they apparently term as "will call". That's fine by me personally. I don't care, I just want in...in the seat I paid for. But I certainly realize and recognize that it's a pain in the ass for some and that it could be problematic for them arriving on time.

I'm excited. I won't lie. I'm over the moon, elated to be going to this show. Even though, yes, it has been a 29 year wait...really...it's exciting. And they're excited too I think. Not just because they're making money...although I'm sure that makes them happy too! I know it would make me happy if I was them. But seriously, I know they just love playing for the fans. I know they've always been ones who just want to perform as opposed to practice (can't say I blame them there!), but I see a difference between the excitement now, and the 'excitement' then when they're on stage. And to be honest I really the drugs (I think) have little to do with it. I mean yes the drugs would have brought John way the hell "up here" in performing, but when I look at him then, and I look at him now...it's different. I think it's more of a fact that they were like puppets back in the day. Told when, how and where to smile, told when and where to perform. Now, I think they're far more in control of what happens with Duran. They're also more mature though (and I use the term loosely!) No one tells them to plaster the smile on but them. And they're beyond that stage too, and I think the fan's respect that about them. I know I do.

BTW, what ELSE did you expect me to use for the "7 days" picture? I mean REALLY!

6 Days - Today was spent not doing originally what I had intended. This morning Nat and I were supposed to go to the library book sale at the fair grounds. However, plans had to be altered when she remembered that she had a prior commitment. Which is just as well for me to be honest because over the next week I'm not going to get to spend much time at home before we go. So truthfully, it works out well...I got to spend sometime with Alan which was nice, and get in some extra sleep as well. Which was sorrily needed on my part. Tonight they are in Chicago performing, and then tomorrow...they will be a mere 2.5 hours from me in Windsor. I was so very tempted to try to swing tickets for that show as well. But realistically there is no way I can afford 2 shows. I just can't. I mean I couldn't before Alan took a leave from his job, there's no way we can do it now either. That would just be lunacy. It's my understanding tomorrow Neon Trees will not be opening for them. I'm not sure why, but John tweeted a while ago saying that someone "special" would be opening for them and that they were from Australia. I'm not sure if that's true or if that still stands...but that's what he said.

 I bought a little sweater/shrug today to wear over my outfit. It's not that I didn't like the tuxedo jacket idea. I just don't like the idea of my range of motion being limited. It's bothersome to me. And so I bought this little jacket. I'll take with me the tuxedo jacket just in case I change my mind at the last minute. I don't think I will, but you never know! (In case you're wondering what the hell the picture has to do with 6 days....did ya count the ciggies?)

5 Days - Today the guys are in Windsor, Ontario...a mere 2.5 hours from me. You're probably asking yourself what the HELL are you doing sitting on the computer instead of hauling ass to Windsor? Well, to be honest...a decision had to be made as to which concert I wanted to go to. I would much rather go to the one on Thursday in Toronto on SIMON'S birthday....than the one in Windsor. And so here I sit.

 I'm excited. I'm excited to know that they're as close as they are currently. It's kind of cool. I'm ALSO excited because I only have 3 shifts left until I am done work and only a little over 4 days left until we go. Which is TOTALLY awesome.

Today was a short shift at work, for thank I was thankful. Quite frankly...I really didn't WANT to work, I didn't feel all that great...and I'm glad it's over with. The idiots were out in full force today. I'm hoping tomorrow is better.

 

4 Days - Today I'm working 12-8 instead of the original 3-11 I was going to work. Truthfully...I'm okay with that. I have to work 3-11 on Monday and Tuesday, and I won't get a whole lot of time with Alan on either of those days. I'll be out and about for most of Wednesday during the day...so tonight is pretty much it. I'm very lucky and thankful to have such an accommodating boss.

 This morning I am excited. I am over the moon that we've made it past that 10 day mark, and now the 5... It's still surreal to me. It's still not hitting me yet I don't think. I mean really... I'm excited but not fucking freaking out like I figured I would be at this stage in the game. Maybe I"m not letting myself be excited yet. But I can't imagine that. How much more excited or closer do I need to get to the date? I don't know. I don't have a logical answer or reason for my behavior or lack there of. I have a list of things I want to do before Thursday. Little things I need to go pick up and buy.

 So when I left for work today...I was excited but relatively calm, I was collected. I was a little excited because after all...I am four days from seeing my favourite all time band, one of the most iconic bands of the 80's, Duran Duran. But now...a few hours later, I am hyped, pumped, thrilled and excited.

What changed you may be asking yourself? I had a conversation with a certain someone who relayed her emotions of her first Duran concert a few months ago. Her anticipation for that time culminated with my own, plus my own ever bubbling agonizing bit by bit of letting off a little bit of excitement at a time, put me out and over the top. That was it. While I still have that bit of apprehension, that what if? It's time to go full throttle and enjoy the ride.

I cannot wait to be standing there hearing the words, feeling the pulse and beat and vocal. To be in the same room as that artistry that I have admired for so long is currently indescribable. I think of the thought of that moment and all I can do is smile. That very first moment when the lights go dark, and the beginning of the music washes over me. The sheer elation of that moment I cannot simply grasp or conceive of. I've never been to that place. I've never found myself in that moment. But I'm going to...soon.

 

3 Days - I'm trying to make a mental list of all the things I need to do before Thursday. Laundry, pack, nails, hair, stuff I need to pick up...a jacket I need to fix...(although I need to decide if I'm actually taking that jacket first). UGH...sooo much stuff to think about. I'm excited. I'm BEYOND excited. I'm rabidly excited. Serious, hard core excited...and I'm excited to be excited. I've been waiting to get to this point. Waiting to have that little bit of jumble of nerves. Waiting to hit this point. But I haven't let myself, and now here I am.

Tomorrow is the big New York show. I've read that Yasmin and Gela are both coming to that show. And I'm sure it's going to be one hell of a good time and a party. I'm sure it's going to be simply awesome. But Toronto...ON Simon's birthday for my first show...nothing can top that for me. Nothing.

So I'm out earlier today having a little retail therapy moment in Pennington's this morning. Trying on some clothes; which ended up looking better on the rack than they did on me; when my cell phone goes off with a tweet from Rachel. She informs me that the VIP stuff had arrived at her place. So there I am, standing in my undies in the change room and I'm doing this little Snoopy, happy dance jig in my underwear. I can neither confirm nor deny that there may have been a little bit of "running man" or "baby circles" thrown in for good measure. I just pray to the Gods there were no hidden cameras, I do not need that shit showing up on You Tube.

This evening John tweeted saying (in his words) "There's no other band that has been together as long as Duran has, that could have as much crazy fun as we did today Halloween shopping.." What that means...I have no idea. And quite frankly I'm almost scared to find out. John assures us "All will be revealed". I'm almost certain they went costume shopping but as far as I'm aware they're not performing anywhere on Halloween, so who knows what's going on. In any event I'm 3 days away...Gods and Muses help me...I'm going to need it!!

2 Days - Tonight was Madison Square Garden in NYC. Truth be told it sounded like on HELL of a party. Ana Matronic (of the Scissor Sisters) was there to sing her part for Safe, Mark Ronson was there to play on Girl Panic!, and Simon walked the crowd during The Reflex. Not your normal Duran Duran show. I'm very eager to see what happens on Thursday for Simon's birthday.

 Tomorrow we go deal with our hair...I'm eager, I'm excited, I'm looking forward to meeting Kate (Rachel's cousin) and seeing what she can do with my hair. It's another step in the process, the hair, the nails...the VIP swag.

 I kept glancing down the counter last night toward the VIP package that Rach dropped off to me. Every time I did I got a bit of a pulse race and a grin. It's actually almost here. It's so close...I can taste it. I'm freaking out just a little. Okay, I'm freaking out a lot. And I do mean a lot. Like seriously...I am starting to get the understanding of it all. It's hard to grasp the feeling and euphoria people discuss until you feel it for yourself.

I got my nails done this morning, and sat surprisingly calm. I thought about how we are now at day 2. And I was calm!! I was very surprised at myself. I went to Nat's after and she brought it up a couple times. She asked me where we were staying, which of us were driving, and all our plans. I really wanted to talk and gush and go on about it...but I know that Duran isn't Nat's thing, so I kept myself in check. She's so very excited for me...for us...to be going to this. And that makes me feel good. For as much as she teases me, she's so pleased we're going and honestly and earnestly hopes we have a good time. I know we will.

1 Day -  I fear this last entry is going to be a little disjointed and perhaps not even make much sense. My mind is racing and all over the place today. Rach picked me up just after 10 this morning and we headed to her cousin Kate's salon for our hair. I got a bit of a cut with some dye and some high lights. I love what she did. It looks awesome!!

 Tonight is spent doing laundry, packing and spending time with Alan. Which is nice...I'm looking forward to it. Nothing really planned because we're going to do the same thing we do every night. Watch some television shows, but it's nice...I like it. It's our thing that we do together. Ya know?

 This morning (after my computer blew up -- okay so it was just the power supply). My loving husband showed me a link on ebay for a Liberator that he would love to get me. Sadly, it's going for about 2000$ which of course is 2000$ we don't have to be blowing on a bass. But the fact that he is still looking for the bass for me...means the world.

 A little odd moment in the salon, sitting chatting with Rachel and Kate. Duran HAPPENED to come on the radio (Hungry Like the Wolf), at that precise moment John tweeted. What a strange, fortuitous, serendipitous world we live in. 

 I'm so very excited. I'm sure tomorrow night's party will be a different one, it won't be the same as the MSG party...nor should it be. Each Duran experience is and should be as unique and special as those that perform and those that go to see them perform. Soon...very soon I'll have that experience for myself. I'll be able to find myself in the moment, to have and treasure forever. Either way, I guess I'll find out tomorrow....

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Midnight ramblings

Well...I was asleep. Alan got up because he couldn't sleep, and while I know that I will sleep, I'm not currently. So I thought...why waste this perfectly good opportunity to jot something good down. Although the term "good" is suspect and relative.

You're probably wondering to yourself...Well? what exactly is the point of this blog entry? And truthfully I have no idea. What's funny is that @Mzlunatx mentioned today about how she couldn't sleep a few days prior and now...here I am awake. Excellent.

I'm contemplating what I want to do with my hair. I know I don't want to lose the length, or at least that is to say I don't want it shorter than my shoulders. I think any shorter would be a mistake. But as for colour...I haven't he foggiest. I mean I really don't know. I guess I'll just talk to Rachel's cousin and see what she thinks.

I keep yawning. I know I'm tired so this is a good thing. I need the sleep. I need to make sure I get enough sleep. Being tired this week would be bad. I'm very aware I'll be burning the cnadle at both ends and getting sick could be disastrous.

I think I'm just about ready to go back to sleep now. My eyelids are getting heavy and our one cat (Athena) is telling me to turn out the light and cuddle with her. She's my demanding Miss so I must obey. The other 3 cats don't care, but this one is insistent. So I'm off. I hope your sleep is a wonderful one and your dreams are filled with adventure.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Thats enough excitement for one day thanks...

This morning I was awake early...5:40am this morning my eyes sprang open and they refused to close and let me go back to sleep. Begrudgingly I got up, trudged downstairs and sat here, exactly where I am now, doing pretty much exactly what I'm doing now. Typing. I decided when I heard my daughter Lexi get up at 7am that there was really no point in me going back to bed. My alarm would go off at 9am, and because I had plans...I would be on my way and out the door by 10am at the latest. If I had decided to go back to bed this morning at that point, I would have been in worse shape at 9am when the alarm went off than I will be at the end of today when I go to go to bed this evening. So, I have had 4 hours sleep, and not good sleep at that. But generally I felt and feel good. I'm alert, awake and actually not at all cranky.

I got dressed, even put a little make up on and went to leave the house. I collected up my things, gave Alan a good bye kiss (he was still sleeping) and headed out the door to my friend Nat's house for the morning and part of the afternoon. There are two (very small) steps out my front door onto the sidewalk/driveway. The first is out of my house onto a cement slab and then about 2 feet of cement slab and then the second step out onto the sidewalk. Each drop is probably about 6 inches (at most) and really not a big deal. Now, I'm not sure exactly what happened. But somehow, at some point I think I tripped over my own feet or something and I fell. And I don't mean whoops trip...I mean ass over tea kettle, items flying everywhere fall. I lost a shoe, the movies I was returning to my friend Nat went flying, and I went slamming to the wet ground (it's been raining here for almost 3 days now). Now aside from my knee being a little scraped, and my toe hurting (which truthfully I thought I had broken...again...for about the millionth time). I was fine. Although truthfully, honestly I was very...VERY lucky.

When I open my front door...

In my front garden there is a large rock/boulder that I literally felt wooshing past my head. I'm certain I came within about an inch or less of cracking my head off of it as I fell. And there was nobody around. No one. I could have quite honestly laid there for quite sometime before anyone even came to help. Lexie was at school, Adam, Jessy and Alan were all in bed...and there was no one outside. Had I cracked my head; at the speed of which I fell; I'm certain that I either could have seriously injured myself...or perhaps even killed myself. I was very, VERY lucky. I'm not sure HOW I missed hitting my head off the rock, but I did. And I'm very thankful. However the plant/bush I landed on...well...sadly it's gone to the great botanical garden in the sky...it's in a better place now. Not that it would have survived the winter anyway...but yea...I'm very lucky.

The poor plant (L) that had the misfortune of breaking my fall as opposed to the large rock (R)

I sat in the car after I pulled myself up off the ground and took some deep breaths. I was seriously shaken up. I was a little embarrassed, but stunned that I had not hit my head. I'm still stunned about that one. I almost wish I had a video of what happened so I could see how I fell and more over why. In any event. I'm still here, in one piece...and thankful for it.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

Super secret project

I'm excited. I'm super excited. I'm working on a little blog-project here. I'm liking how it's coming together and taking shape. It's pretty creative if I do say so myself and I'm rather impressed with it. :) It's not quite ready yet, but will be soon! In the meanwhile this is a little something to keep you lovely beautiful readers going.

I know that you're wondering what it possibly could be; but it's just a little bit of fun for me; and hopefully for you too, when I'm done! Mostly, it's something to keep my mind occupied. And that's a good thing! Idol hands and all that...But hopefully you'll enjoy it too!

I'm off tomorrow, and that's good. Rach is coming over for coffee just to chillax and hang out in the morning, and then Thursday night my sister in law Mary and her beau are coming for her birthday dinner even though her birthday is tomorrow, err well today since it's already tomorrow. In any event...they're coming Thursday night. Friday morning I'm going to the annual library book sale with my friend Natalie which I'm SUPER excited about! (You can get a bag of books for like 10$) It will be our second year going, and I love it! They're old books (ALL KINDS) that the library is selling off to make room for new ones. Awesomeness!! So truthfully my plate is full.

I work Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday AND Tuesday (I asked for it). Mostly to keep me occupied so I don't go completely mental between now and the 27th. It will be stressful, but I know I can do it. Not to mention, the end CERTAINLY justify the means. Dont'cha think?

One Last Glimpse,


~K

The Captains - A film by William Shatner

In August my husband Alan and I went to Toronto for Fan Expo. Fan Expo is a multi-genre convention in Toronto (Anime, Comic, Horror, Sci-Fi, Fantasy) with several guest stars, some who hosted Q&A sessions. William Shatner was one of those stars who was at the convention, and did a Q&A session on the last day of the con.

The room he was in was literally standing room only and he spoke for about an hour. I had (over the years) heard many things about him, some good...some not so good. But truthfully, I had no preconceived idea or perception of the guy. I knew I liked him as an actor, but didn't really know anything else about him as a person.

One of the first things I learned about William Shatner the man, is that he loves his charity with the March of Dimes. He is their spokesman, and he is proud of it. And that's very cool. People ADORE him. And not just him because he played Captain James Tiberious Kirk on Star Trek. But they LOVE him. People get truly excited about him being there. He came on that stage and you'd think the biggest rock star ever had just entered the room. It was mind blowing.

Another thing I learned about him is that he spins one HELL of a story. He's funny, articulate, quick witted, loves a good joke, self deprecating, and is larger than life but doesn't see himself that way - just like his iconic television character. He talked about his movie "The Captains" at the convention that day and how it was a movie/documentary about how he had gone all around the world to speak to the various captains of the Star Trek universe. Patrick Stewart (Jean Luc Picard - Star Trek: Next Generation), Avery Brooks (Benjamin Sisco - Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Kate Mulgrew (Catherine Janeway - Star Trek: Voyager), Scott Bakula (Jonathan Archer - Star Trek: Enterprise), Chris Pine (James T. Kirk - Star Trek (the latest movie)). And a few of their co-stars.

What a brilliant movie. My favourite interviews were those spent with Patrick Stewart I think followed closely of those with Scott Bakula. Patrick Stewart is just so beautiful to watch on the screen. He commands your attention even when he's not intending to do so, and it's wonderful to watch him be himself and speak of something and someone (the character) that he so clearly came to love dearly.

Avery Brooks I have to say...was my least favourite. He's very "beatnik" to the nth degree...to the point that I thought perhaps he was on the "Final Frontier" he was so out there. I found his segments distracting and occasionally painful to watch. Nothing that he said, made any sense to me, I really did not get it. He played his piano and sang in jazz similes (I guess?) but it really was a distraction that I didn't enjoy. Although I will say he plays the piano beautifully and has a lovely singing voice. Truthfully that was my only real complaint about the entire movie. The rest...was thrilling.

There are a few guest star moments in the film that really excited me to be honest. I won't speak of them here, but if you're a fan of Star Trek...and you are interested. I highly suggest getting your hands on a copy of The Captains. It was truly worth it.

 

One Last Glimpse,

~K

A very special thank you

A few months ago; about six; I had the privileged of "meeting" someone on line. She has changed my life significantly in those six months and this is my thank you to her.

I've always written, but for myself. I never really shared it...not with anyone (not intentionally anyway) with the lone exception being Rachel (who ALWAYS encouraged me), unless it was for school. But now, thanks to this amazing person and her encouragement I feel more confident and less anxiety riddled with sharing it with others. I now feel that what I write is worth something, and I even see moments of brilliance gleaming through in something that I have created.

I had often thought about blogging before, but really couldn't bring myself to do it. What if everyone who read it thought it was shite? Honestly I don't think I could deal with the thought of perhaps people not liking what I wrote. And that bothered me. Now, I'm of a mind set of that while people might not ALWAYS enjoy what I'm writing, and might not ALWAYS get it...I enjoy it. Otherwise I wouldn't put it out there.

So to you...my dear sister...I thank you. Your words of encouragement have meant more to me than you can possibly imagine. Thank you. Love you. It is a true honour, pleasure and gift to know you.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Accident Prone and other ramblings

So the other night I go to get out of the car...it's raining, wet and for some reason only known to the Gods, the Muses, and the Smurfs I decided to grab onto the side of the car. I go to stand up...my hand slips and my left thumb slams into the lock mechanism for the door. It's late (11:30ish) so I can't (although I suppose I could have) screamed out. I just know I am in blinding pain and nauseous.

I walk to the other side of the car to retrieve my stuff out and I open the car door. The light comes on in the car, and there is blood. LOTS of it, coming out of my finger and from under my nail. Fuck me I think. The ONE thing that repulses me more than anything else is the thought or seeing someone lose a nail. Fingernail, toenail whatever. I don't care. The sight and the thought of it just repulses me beyond anything and makes me a little queasy to boot. My parents (and Alan as well) are and were forever losing fingernails or toenails so I'm scared that I'm going to be like them and lose the nail and I'll have "Manky thumb" as I always say about Alan (although for him usually it's "manky toe"). But so far...and I'm now 3 days later, the nail has remained in place, it didn't even go black. So I am hopeful. The skin around the edge peals back however, so I'm not sure how that's going to fix itself but we'll see. I probably could have gotten a stitch but it stopped bleeding so perhaps not.

My first concern of course was that I was going to have more time away from the bass (I had enough time off with my wrist earlier this summer thanks!), but since I don't use my left thumb to play (thankfully) I think I should be okay. I'm hoping to pull Rio out Saturday afternoon and play so we'll see. I don't foresee any issues however because I don't use that thumb at all for anything when I play.

I've been writing a lot lately and neglecting my bass playing, and I still (as of yet) have gone to work on shots to re-accustom myself to the camera I'm taking to the show (which is only 12 days away I might add). I am of course excited about that!

I had a story come to me that I've been writing which I'm quite excited about, it's an interesting idea and I'm intrigued to see where it leads me. Then of course there's my other writing and this blog. All in all I'm keeping my mind and myself busy I think partially because I've got all this writing ideas and energy going, but also because I'm trying to keep my focus elsewhere to not think about how the days are getting closer. Truthfully, thanks to the fact that I carry my phone with me everywhere I go and I get twitter updates sent to it...that's really not working. But it's a nice delusion none the less...I love denial this time of year...

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Hello my name is Kendra, and I am a writer junkie....

I'm anxious this morning... heart is pounding and I'm wanting to get moving... But I feel like I'm in a "hurry up and wait" pattern. Why? I have no idea. I have to work in 2 hours but I'm certainly not eager to get there, not like this anyway. I'm happy, and anxious...eager. Excited.

I want to play my bass today. In a major way. Really, I should drag it out right now...but I'm not. I'm writing this. But I'm itching to play. I've got some stuff I want to work on and I really should be playing. But I want a time where I can just actually sit and play for an extended period of time, and now is not the time.

It's not like I've got everything already set up and I can just throw a switch and play. I have to bring out my amp, hook it up, get out my bass, hook it up, turn it on, make sure it's tuned and THEN I can play. Unfortunately I don't have the space to always just have it set up and sitting out somewhere. Although someday I will. I'll have a lovely music room/studio where my guitars, piano, bass and (eventually) drums can all sit together. That's a lovely thought.

So I discovered something new on twitter this morning. Something likened to "Twitter jail". I'd never heard of such a thing! Although I suppose it's one way to stop spammers, you can only have 100 tweets in an hour. Which begs the question. I wonder if our dear, darling John Taylor has ever been in Twitter jail? JT in TJ... Same initials. Coincidence? I think not!


Maybe I just needed to write...maybe I'm a junkie writer. I'm now feeling a sense of calm and serenity. Huh...I suppose there are worse things I could be addicted to (outside of my hubs, friends and Duran) than Twitter, Facebook, my bass, Blogging and writing...

One Last Glimpse,



~K

Careless Memories

On Sunday we went out to my Dad's for our Thanksgiving dinner. My Uncle Jim is in the process of doing a purge of his apartment (he's moving) and was going through photos and the like, he brought down several to share with us. Some were GREAT memories but I think truthfully he and my Uncle John (his youngest brother) had the most difficulty with looking at them. There were pictures of spouses now passed, and I think it was more difficult than they had anticipated looking at them.

He came across this photo in which I am probably about 14 or 15. I have absolutely ZERO recollection of it being taken, but it's a great shot. My sister, myself and all my (first) cousins are all pictured. It's a truly wonderful shot. But again...I have ZERO recollection of it being taken. More over...I'm wearing some sort of Ford tshirt which I have NO recollection of owning either. It's like I'm looking at someone else, although I recognize it to be me. Weird.

There were some great photos of my Mom and Dad from my wedding that my Uncle had taken. Photos of my sister in law Mary (who was 5 when we got married and will be 28 next week). I mused aloud that she really hadn't changed that much at all. I guess I haven't either since I was little. Hair is different, weight, etc...but really...I think I'm still recognizable as the same person.

Part way through looking at the photos my younger uncle (Uncle John) got up and walked out. I'm not sure why, I didn't ask...I can only assume it was because he missed my Aunt Jane. I felt for him. I wanted to go and hug him, but truthfully...I think he just wanted to be alone at that point. It's been 15 years since my Mom and my Aunt Jane passed (as well as several other family members) but it doesn't make the pain any less. I actually came home from work last night and saw Alan watching Titanic, JUST before the point where I start to lose it. I told Alan he had to turn it off, I felt like the world's biggest bitch but it was either that or he would have been having to console me for the next half hour over a 10 second (if that) camera shot.

I've said it before, it's odd how one small thing can turn you into a blubbering mess. Or a more eloquent description once again by the brilliantly, charming  Simon John Charles LeBon:

'So easy to disturb
With a thought
With a whisper...
With a careless memory'

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Doctors visits and 16 days

I feel like I've been neglectful of this little baby lately even though it's only been since Saturday that I blogged last. Truthfully, I've taken on a personal project that has consumed me at the moment and I'm exploring that while the creative juices are flowing. I'm not quite ready to share what that is...but I will, when the time is right.

Today was my visit with the doctor (first in 3 months) I felt pretty good going in but then he weighed me and I found out I've GAINED four pounds. SERIOUSLY??? Fuck me sideways. So now I'm going for some blood work and also back to the drawing board. I've cut out down on my soda intake (I admit I drink/drank WAAAY too much soda for my own good), when I do though drink it (at least at home here) it's Coke Zero (no calories), I've cut down on my potatoes and bread...like seriously four pounds? UGH! So, I've given Alan the go ahead (reluctantly) to crack the whip a little harder to get me off my ass. While I am certainly disappointed by the weight gain I was not to be deterred, I still feel pretty fucking good. The doctor and I discussed the results of my mammogram (or my second one of my right breast) and told me it was all clear. WOO FUCKING HOO. What a bloody relief I gotta tell you, I am ecstatic. In my opinion that far, far, far outweighs the fact that I gained four pounds. But I go back just after Christmas and my goal is to be down at least 20. We'll see how well I do.

Then, of course there's the fact that we've got 16 days left to the show. By all reports/reviews, and all accounts (fans, reviewers and Duran themselves) the guys are 'on fucking fire'. They're back at the top of their game, and I couldn't be more pleased. I really want to go out this weekend and do some experimenting with the camera I'm taking and reacquaint myself with it's functions so that I get some great shots. While I know it won't be my last concert, it will be my first and I definitely need to get some good ones!

Anyway, sorry to have neglected you dear faithful readers, my friends, my lovelies. I will endeavor to balance my life a little better.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Dance like no one is watching

This morning I awoke at 9am. The house was quiet, no one was awake...I got up, showered and came downstairs. I received a text message from my sister that she needed to speak with me so I called her to see what was up. We spoke, I hung up and then I sat here for a few minutes surfing the web reading comments on last night's show in Baton Rouge and the like.

Then...suddenly (and I'm still not sure where this urge came from) the uncontrolled need overcame me. I NEEDED to listen to music. Not just any music, I needed to listen to Freedom90 by George Michael . Right. THEN. Moreover...I needed to dance to Freedom90 by George Michael with reckless abandon.

I grabbed Alan's headphones (which are far superior than my own), plugged in and turned it up. And I danced. I danced around my living room to George Michael's beautiful voice ringing in my hears. He (with Andrew Ridgeley) I had grown up with (along with Duran of course) and they had been a significant part of my teen and early twenty years. George's voice is still as smooth and as lovely as it was back then, and I was taken back to that time.

I danced around my living room occasionally opening my eyes, not really giving a shit if anyone came downstairs. Although admittedly I got a few weird looks from the cats...but they lick their own arses...if they can't handle me dancing around partially naked in my housecoat then screw them. Sorry kitties if I offended your sensitivities but TFB. But truthfully,  I had such an amazing time. Just dancing. I haven't done that in a while. It's very freeing...especially when you're half naked. Can't get much more free than that!

It's was also a great feeling to shut out the world for those 6minutes and 29seconds. To just be me...arms outstretched, feeling the rhythm in my feet. Feeling joy. I hope you all feel that today, tomorrow and always.

With Freedom, Joy and Love...

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Haida Gwai

When my son Adam was a baby, and I was pregnant with Jessy...we were posted with the military to the Queen Charlotte Islands in a remote area of British Columbia Canada. The village we lived in was a (mainly) native / fishing community called Masset. There were no stop lights, no malls, no movie theaters, no McDonalds or any fast food to speak of (with the exception being "The Chicken Shack" which was only open perhaps once a week - if you were lucky - but they had the BEST fried chicken I had ever tasted before or since).


I have a silver Haida hand carved wedding band that Alan bought for me when we lived there. Its lovely, it has a raven on it (the native Haida bird) that are in ABUNDANCE on the Islands. They stand about a foot tall (or taller) and are very strong, and very ominous.

About a month or so after I got the ring, it got bent. (I don't recall how - I think perhaps it was stepped on - but really I'm not sure). So it went from being round to this unwearable, oval misshapen mess. I was crushed and Alan was slightly peeved (understandably) as the ring had not been cheap. I think it had cost about 200$ or so if memory serves, and I'd ONLY had it a month.

For years it sat unwearable until Alan bent it back into relative shape, something resembling a circle. I could wear it again...sort of. It still didn't fit right but it was better than nothing.

I was sitting at work last night and it was very busy. For some reason, I picked up the pair of pliers and gave it a little tug on my beloved ring. Maybe it's because I was wearing it and it didn't feel comfortable. Really I'm not sure and honestly it doesn't matter.

The fact is...after all this time, it finally fits properly again and is almost as round as it was the day Alan gave it to me.  It is one of my most prized possessions...as is the person who gave it to me.


One Last Glimpse,

~K

Ship of Dreams

I've always been completely fascinated by the Titanic. I remember the first documentary that I ever saw on her I told my Mom I was certain I'd either helped build her or sailed on her. I knew the floor plan like the back of my hand. And I'd never (until that point) done or known really all that much about it. I knew so much about what room led to which before the documentary even said so, that honestly...I scared myself.

I found it very exciting when the first few images came up from the first dive. And I love, love, looove the James Cameron epic film of the same name. But not for the reason you might expect.

I went to see the move in Toronto with Alan, my sister Kristen and her (now) hubby Richard. They had already seen it, but Alan and I had not. My sister warned me that the movie was over 2 hours long, so if I needed to pee, doing it before the show would be beneficial (and actually about 10 minutes before the movie started the theater announced the running time and suggested that if you needed to use the rest room that you do so before the movie started -- I have never seen so many people bolt out of a movie theater before it started in my life! Very amusing).

My sister also warned me, that while I'd likely cry anyway - there would be one particular key moment right at the end of the movie where I would lose it. Completely. I was truthfully completely perplexed, she wouldn't tell me why however. What scared me more was Richard said he bawled like a baby so I was a little off footed.

Without giving anything about the movie away, the movie cruised (pun intended) along and I was in love with the splendor and grandeur that she was. The movie was almost to the end and truthfully other than the odd single tear here and there, I hadn't lost it at all the way my sister evidently had. Was I heartless? I began to think so. Until...

In one of the final shots of the movie, the camera pans past some photos of the female lead (Kate Winslet) character named Rose on a table. These photos were taken of her "Over the years", before, during and after Titanic. When all of a sudden this one particular photo come on screen. It's a photo of Kate Winslet sitting horseback on a beach (San Fransisco I think?) This photo is almost a dead ringer for my Mom (at that age) who had passed away 10 months prior to the movie coming out, and I completely and totally lost it. I have tried to get a screen capture for you here -- however it's not very good. But in any event you get the idea.

 
I was sobbing hysterically, I couldn't breathe. It was as if all the air in the room had been completely sucked out. I think I had been prepared for just about anything...but that. It was completely unexpected and totally surreal. My sister was sitting there handing me Kleenex after Kleenex and Alan was rubbing my back. It was wild. To this day, I am completely fine - until that photo - and then much like I am at the end of West Side Story - all bets are off.

It's amazing what sets people off in movies. A look, a line, a photo, a realization/epiphany, a moment permanently caught on film. These things that evoke such a reaction in us, I find it truly fascinating.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

Yummy Mummy

It was rather amusing to me on Wednesday. I was getting ready to go out shopping with Rach so she could get an outfit for this Duran Duran concert on October 27th (you may have heard me talk, prattle, drone, obsess about it) in Toronto.

My husband Alan loves me no matter what, although he's made it clear he 'prefers' me make-upless (really I think it's only because the whole lipstick thing annoys him). He loves me anyway even when I'm "dolled up" despite the fact that he can't or won't kiss me.

I've been trying some new looks. Some that are, completely different and foreign from what I usually do. The one I'm currently into is a little Gothic/burlesque look (Very Dita Von Tesse). Truthfully I'd not have thought about it as a look for me if not for Rachel. And honestly...I am loving it. I was very skeptical, and thought to myself..."Can I pull this off"? (Own worst critic rears it's ugly head). Truthfully...I think I can. So thanks for that Rach. You rock.

So I'm talking to Alan who is staring at me from the top of the stairs, and he says to me "You know...this whole look you've got going on...the goth thing...it really, surprisingly works for you." Awww yea... Guess who's a yummy mummy! That's right...Me! This guy! And having just said that...the moment is gone.

So at 40...and 24 years of being with Alan (22 years of marriage) I still got it...I have yet to figure out what "it" is...but I'll figure it out eventually. Hopefully before I lose it!

One Last Glimpse,

~K

It's amazing how the mind works

My first pet was a cat. I think I was probably 3 or so, my parents were still together so I couldn't have been very old. Her name was Pepper, and I think I even have a recollection (albeit vague) of going to get her at the pet store in the mall, but I could be completely wrong about that. I think she was either all black or perhaps a very dark tabby? With a name like Pepper, it would seem that would be logical.

I don't have a lot of recollection of the cat herself, just that we had one, but I don't remember interacting with it in anyway. When my parents separated my Dad couldn't take the cat as he traveled for work at times (he was a senior systems analyst for Dow Chemical Canada at the time) and couldn't always be there for it. My Mom decided she didn't want it either so off Pepper went to be a barn cat at my Great Aunt Jean and Uncle Raymond's house.  I remember seeing her one other time (I think I was probably 6 or so by then) and she had just had kittens. I know she was not pleased when we came near her and her kittens - but being 6 at the time, I took it to mean she was mad at me for sending her away when my parents separated and divorced. It can sometimes be truly tragic how a child's mind works. You store things. Frozen snapshots of mini super 8 movies in your mind's eye. And some of those memories (even though you may not want to) you recall anyway. Sometimes those memories are fuzzy or hazy, sometimes they jade or clear up over time. Sometimes you wish you could forget them completely.

I remember what I perceived as the day my Dad moved out. Although in retrospect I don't think it was? Maybe it was, I'm not sure. I just remember my Dad getting into the little yellow Toyota that they had (which he had actually bought for my Mom, but when it ended up being a total lemon Mom didn't want it anymore so it became my Dad's car - whoops!) and him backing out of the drive. If I close my eyes, I'm standing on our front lawn with my Mom and Sister. It's sunny out...and warm. Mid-day or so? Maybe late morning...My Dad backs out of the drive and is watching me. He stops at the end of the yard and looks at the house, Mom, Kristen and me. He is sad...terribly sad. I don't recall if he was crying or not. I remember running to about mid-lawn and yelling out to him "Daddy don't go..." I have a vague recollection of him telling me to go back to my Mom and slowly starting to drive away. The last moment I have of that memory is of me crying, my Dad driving away and me yelling after him. "Don't leave me Daddy!". I've never brought this memory up to my Dad. I think it would truly hurt him that I remember this. He wasn't leaving me of course but even so I think the fact that I remember that day would really upset him.

Some memories I wish I could just forget.

One Last Glimpse,

~K

I feel fine and other lies

I've got only 23 days now until the show...23 days of waiting. And quite frankly...I'm freaking out. I know all is well, I've got all my bases covered this time. But there's that nagging little "What if, what if, what if..." clawing at the back of my head. Then I fight internally with myself. Negativity begets negativity and I'm really trying to not think that way...ya know?

They're back. Simon really fought his way back from this - what truthfully could have been career ending; injury. He's proud of himself, and well he should be.

I'm feeling that life is really on an upswing at the moment. Creatively I'm doing well, emotionally Alan and I are in a solid place - despite his personal issues at the moment. And while financials could always be better, we're not in a horribly bad place as long as we are careful.

And I'm happy for the first time I think in quite some time...I'm happy with me. That's a foreign concept to me, because yes I need to lose a lot of weight and yes, I need to get my teeth dealt with, but I feel good. Honestly, I think the mammogram  weighed heavier on my mind lately than I thought it did or than I let on. And rightfully so considering my Mom's fate. Who wouldn't have been terrified?

I think my friendships are in a secure spot. I have people who care dearly for me, and that I care dearly for. It's a great and very positive energy right now all the way around. It's positive, euphoric, fantastic feeling and I love it. I smile, in earnest a lot lately. Not just some plastered on smile because it's expected of me.

I think I felt for many years like I had forgotten who I was. I felt almost separated from my own self. Disjointed. Wandering around in this shell but not as me...as someone else, with me surfacing from time to time but never really staying out for long periods. Or at least from my perspective that is what it has seemed like Like I've watched from behind glass my life pass by for the last few years (I'd say at least 6 or more) and I've been a spectator as opposed to a participant in my own life. I've recently gotten back in touch with myself and embraced who I am. Right or wrong, for better or worse. It's been a long process to get to this point where despite any of my external faults...I truly like who I am as a person, and I'm okay with me. My husband, my kids and my true family love me for me. And I love me for me.

The rest of the world can; in the immortal, divine words of the incomparable, beautiful, brilliant and witty Rachel Elizabeth Frances Cree-Lowe; Get bent.

One Last Glimpse,


~K

The muses are strong with this one....

So, Simon blogged sometime between last night and this morning when I got up. I find that I am inspired and encouraged...to read from him personally that he is confident, encouraged and proud "Needless to say, I was very concerned about the state of my voice. When we started tnis US leg, I really felt that I was only about up to 85% full strength. Well now, with seven shows under our belts, I reckon I’m properly recovered, and it won’t be long before I feel truly bulletproof". What great encouraging words.  He mentions the Vegas show as the "breakthrough" performance. Not the LA one which is interesting. I'm proud to know that there were people that I love that were at that show and had that experience.


I'm enjoying writing. My mind; up until last night; was very scattered and I'd not actually written anything aside from this blog in weeks. Finding a direction was difficult and wording seemed problematic. I think I since have broken through that issue and have been writing. I think, perhaps like Simon I needed some sort of defining moment, a leap off point.

Last night I wrote...I wrote for almost 3 hours. Like the force...the muses seemed strong. I wrote 2 blogs, and a short segment of a story. This morning when I awoke...I wanted to write some more...so here I am. Today is another day off, tomorrow I work and they are in Denver performing, and the chaos will reign again.

John just tweeted that he and Roger are on their way to Valencia to do a radio interview. I think sometimes he tosses out random tweets to take a little edge off the "tweet anxiety" as Nick has dubbed it. It's like he needs just a little fix or hit to carry him through. I guess we're all a little like that with one thing or another. The guy gave up dope, drinking and the fags (cigarettes) for fuck sakes...gotta give him a vice of SOME sort!

I'm proud of what I'm writing lately. I think it's good and I'm pleased. I suppose that's a step in the right direction. Especially since usually personally I tend to torpedo my own stuff and think it's bad. I think it's odd and perhaps a little bizarre to know that you're usually your own worst critic and enemy and that's considered normal. We really are a self-defeating lot aren't we??


One Last Glimpse,

~K

Midnight blogger #1

So I believe I've had some sort of epiphany, perhaps even a moment of clarity this evening. All this writing, photography, and music lately must mean something. Not just pretty words or glorious photographs to look at. It should mean something...right?

There's a reason for it all isn't there? The music, the writing, the photography, all this inspiration. Sometimes I just feel like I'm rapidly accelerating towards something but I don't know what exactly. I suppose making some attempt to perhaps better channel and sort this jumbled mess out would benefit me more. But sometimes it just won't come.

I've got the idea these are the things I should be doing, that I'm supposed to be doing. That the muses are pointing me vehemently in this direction for a purpose. Perhaps even I'm meant to do this, but why?

Damnation isn't that the ever eternal question? "Why"?  It's the question that has plagued man for lifetimes. "Why?", "Why are we here?", "Why do people behave the way they do?", "Why do we do the things we do or don't do?". It's endless, as are the reasons behind the questions.

I think I've probably gotten into more trouble asking "why" in my lifetime than I can count. I guess the real question should be "Why not?". I suppose fear is the answer or "what if I'm not good enough?". But I'll let you in on a little arrogant secret...truth is...I could be, and I know it. I really truly could be. I really could be great at writing, or photography, or music for that matter. I've had moments quite frankly of brilliance. In all three areas, that could be embellished upon, and moved forward into true moments of brilliance. But I haven't. Not because I don't think I'm good enough, but because I don't think others will see the potential that I see in myself. Isn't that a kick in the rubber parts?

I don't ever suspect I'll be a Shakespeare or Mary Shelly, or a famous photographer, and I certainly don't think I'll ever be another John Taylor...but when I pick up that bass, or the camera, or the pen...I'm home. I feel calm and at ease, and it brings a smile to my face. At the very least I owe it to myself to do these things for me. To explore and enhance my abilities for me. Even if no one else ever reads, sees or hears what I've accomplished and what I can accomplish; besides you; I'm okay with that. I've laid bare fore myself, and those that truly matter. I've let you in to see the real me. And I'm not afraid anymore. I'm free.


One Last Glimpse,

~K

The Music's between us and other ramblings

Today is a day off. The tour is off and running, and by all accounts it's an amazing show. Simon sounds brilliant, the guys are on fire and I am a mere 25 days from a 29 year dream come true for me. And I can hardly wait.

I'm distracted and scatterbrained today...my mind going in several different directions.Things I should be working on: bass, photography, writing. I'm also distracted because I'm looking up Arcadia/Duran videos like this one (Election Day live from a few years ago staring our beloved John Taylor on the "keytar") and other little gems, like this one as well (Sunrise - Live from London).

Today is a good day though. I'm off, they're off...everyone seems relaxed and mellow. Which is fine by me, I can sure use a day like this to regain my barrings. This week has been mass of energy and a seemingly go, go, go atmosphere which I have enjoyed in a major way - and I've missed it to be honest. But today is a nice quiet reprieve.

Things are changing here at home (in a positive way I think) and moving forward, things are changing out there amongst friends/family in a positive way and moving forward. Decisions have been made, and courses of action taken. Good or bad, right or wrong...what's done is done. And I think we're all the better for it. Stagnation is never a good thing, it mires down the mind, spirit and the creativity.

I'm sitting here, writing this...realizing that I've been distracted by the music which is why the slow start out the gate; and now that I've shut it off and taken off my headphones; I can't think. How funny is that? So I guess there's only one solution...listen to music! One should never deny the body that which it requires...especially when it comes to Duran!

There...that's better, I can think again.

Next weekend is the Canadian Thanksgiving. We're going to my Dad's house next Sunday for what I'm sure will be a lovely turkey dinner. Alan wasn't supposed to be going with us, but due to a course change in life...he now is. Which truthfully, is fine by me. I still haven't spoken to my father in regards to the issue we have, but sitting around the dinner table at Thanksgiving is not the place. "Please pass me the potatoes, oh and by the way...when your partner gets drunk he's grabbed my tit on more than one occasion. Oh and the cabbage salad too please thanks". No...not the place nor the time. I'll admit it's not a conversation I want to have in the first place, but it's not something I want to talk about at Thanksgiving dinner.

And don't ask me WHY Canada has a separate Thanksgiving from the Americans I don't know. I assume it's because we harvest crops earlier up here than the Americans do, but I don't know that for sure. That's only a guess, and a half-assed one at best.

Sorry for the scatty rambling of this blog. The thoughts are all over the map like I mentioned earlier, hopefully tomorrow will be a clearer thought process, and I can blog without being all over the map. Until then, I remain your humble servant, and loving sister.

One Last Glimpse,

~K